This isn't right, is it?

Question

Over the past 5 years, my husband has created profiles on adult personal sites. It bugs me, and most importantly hurts me that he does this. Depending upon his "mood", his reactions to me confronting him have ranged from "I don't see anything wrong with it", "I'm not cheating, I just join to see more naked pics" (his addiction to p**n, which is a completely different problem). I've told him how much it hurts me, and he refuses to care and tells me that I should deal with it, I'm psycho for caring so much, etc.etc... We do have other problems (and probably shouldn't have even married). Since I thought we were on the uphill of the roller coaster, I once again found that he joined 3 more sites within the last 2 months. In each profile he states that he is looking for someone who isn't psycho, and a discreet one-on-one relationship. Is this right? I personally don't think so, but I am curious to know if maybe I am over reacting, or just an idiot for staying?!

Answer 1

Divorce him- he obviously is a creep and doesn't deserve you.

Answer 2

It sounds to me like he is an insensitive person. You've mentioned over and over again how being on these sites really hurt you. I imagine that they do because it's like he's cheating on you without doing anything; he can get his "high" and be aroused without touching another woman.

Unfortunately, I don't think that his interests will stop there, especially since you've caught him making profiles where he's parading around as a single man. When a drug addict can't get his high off the same old thing, he'll go and find something more powerful to get a fix off of. With these profiles, it seems to me that he either is cheating or is about to.

If you had posed this question to "Dear Abby" or "Dear Margo", they probably would say that it's time for you to go as well. As I am a firm believer in working out marital problems, it's hard for me to fully agree with them. I fear for your mental, emotional and medical safety and I think that you'll have to determine for yourself whether it's good or bad that you stay with him.  

Answer 3

Hi

My husband did that for years, but being as I had the kids to think of and the animals, I also knew if I left him, I would be in the position I am now!   You are not over reacting.

And you're not an idiot for staying. Not in these hard economic days.  What he's done is kill the dream, within, of love and trust and sharing a life with him.  You don't feel good enough anymore. Hurts, really bad.

If you can leave, you know it's best.

You deserve more, it's really belittling for him to do this to you. Like you are nothing. Take care of you!

Katie

Answer 4

Hun I went through the same thing, you should leave him and heres my story if you are instered:

I just turend 18 and was head over hill for my 20 year old boyfeind, whom was currently in basic training with the army.

After basic he came to see me and everything and we felt we should live togeather, we eventually got married then his true colors came out.



First it was little arguments, then him being online with hoochies 'even under aged girls', then he'd call me all sorts of names and hamiliate me. So I said enough is enough, when I fanily walked away I found out I was two weeks pregno and he said that the baby is not his, and even if it was he dont want nothing to do with the baby. And him and his 'so called girlfriend' kept tryna make me get an abortion.

Well, time went by and I fanily got over him and found a new man, which is now the father of my second baby. And was in my daughters life scince day one. And thats all she know is me and my man, and I'm much happier now.

Just cut him lose for you end up pregnos.

Answer 5

Not all people are made to be monogamous. Your husband can love you and love someone else at the same time, and so can you. BUT, if you've told him that you don't approve of it and it bothers you/ hurts your feelings etc., then it's not kind of him to continue. But maybe he just needs more. If you're open to a polyamorous relationship, then you can talk to him about it. About bringing another person into your relationship, etc. But most people are really weird about monogamy and such, so whatever you like. Just a suggestion.  

Answer 6

get out now..u r not psycho...he has u where he wants u..under his thumb..no-one deserves to be treated like that...been there done that....there are many other fish out  in the sea who will treat u as u well deserve to be treated..dont settle

Answer 7

no its not right

divorce that b*****d  

Answer 8

First let me say that by no stretch of the imagination is this right.

The fact that he doesn't see anything "wrong" with it is not only indicative of his character and integrity, but it proves irrelevant. And even if at this moment in time he's not by our society's standards "cheating" he's well on his way. If you play with fire you will get burned.

I can't imagine the level of pain and heart ache this is causing you. But I want you to know that there are avenues to seek out and despite what most people will tell you your first option should NOT be to get a divorce.

Think of pornography as a deadly poison that attacks the central nervous system of a man's sexual desires. It has taken captive what's healthy and realistic and completely distorted it into something you have no desire or ability to attain. In short, it's turning his love for you into lust for the unrealistic concept of what a woman "should be."

I can promise you he's hurting too. There's something going on to feed his addiction. And if you care enough about him and your marriage, then that doesn't make you "psycho" or unreasonable for wanting to see a professional for help.

I wish I could offer more advice. Please, if he starts becoming abusive or making demands of you that are hurtful or unpleasant don't be afraid to goto a friends house for the night. If you have children remember that your marriage will be the example they follow for the relationships they have in life. Be strong and always loving.