This may sound really stupid, I just need some positive advice!!?

Question

I have a little problem that I am hoping some of you can help me with. It may sound really stupid, but please don't judge me... I have always been very insecure about myself, I am not very confident...when I am around a "prettier" girl, I feel very threatened...like I am a "nobody" around them. Anyway, my bf sister and his niece are coming down in c ouple days, his niece is the same age as him and she is very pretty, they havent seen each other in a long time. I mean I obviously know that nothing will happen between them, but I am nervous, I mean is it possible for him to be attracted to her? I am going to feel so "low" when she is around, like she is so much better than me, I will feel like I have to compete somehow...any advice please??

Answer 1

i would say if he was attracted to his own sister, you would definately be the alpha in that relationship. please relax. remember he has chosen to be with you. of all the prety girls in the world, to him, you are the prettiest.

and noone is judging you. we all need reassurance at times.

Answer 2

yes it is possible that your boyfriend will think his niece is attractive, very unlikely he will be "attracted" to her and even more unlikely that either one of them would do anything about it even if theattraction was mutual (assuming they have a bit of moral standard).  If you convince yourself that she is better than you and you will become invisible when they visit then you are setting yourself up for an unhappy time.  Your boyfriend is with you because he is attracted to YOU.  Tell yourself that your boyfriend loves his sister and niece because they are his family, but he chose you for his girlfriend so there must be something special about you, even if you don't see it.  Don't turn the visit into a competition, just try to get to know these women, make them feel welcome and be friendly (I'm sure your boyfriend will appreciate your effort).    

Answer 3

um... perk up. she is not a threat, one she's family and that is SICK!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont care how old they are. Two tell him you are nervous.. sounds more like anxiety attacks than jealousy. Have a glass of wine before seeing her.

Answer 4

cheer up honey! Don't waste your life comparing yourself to others and feeling inferior. no matter how pretty, successful, funny, rich, thin, happy we are, there is always going to be somebody prettier, funnier, richer, etc. society is torturing us women with unrealistic ideals of female beauty and the never-ending barrage of "you can be better" media messages.

buy a new outfit, fix your hair and wear nice makeup and knock 'em dead this week! as far as the b/f and his niece---no way! Only a pervert thinks that way.

finally, you should see a counselor-they will help with building your confidence. you will be a lot happier.  

Answer 5

Well its kinda nasty..but yeah it is possible he could be attracted to her..of course he'd be just WRONG. In which case, you shouldn't be near him anyway. 0_0

I don't see her as being competition for you at all. You just need to relax. Im sure you are very nice looking, and a good person, or he wouldn't be with you in the first place.  

Answer 6

we're all created equal. life isn't a popularity contest. remember that this is his niece. Maybe he does think she's nice looking, but i can pretty much guarantee you it's not in a "omg, she's so hot i wanna get with her" way.  You need to realize that you are a beautiful person and no one is any better than you are.

Answer 7

No judging here, Flora. It is not "stupid" to feel insecure around someone who is pretty. Notice I said "pretty" and not "prettier". Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. What is attractive to one person, may not be to another. I understand you feeling threatened, because you are insecure. Some dumb-*** in your past put that idea into your head. It could have been a friend, a relative, a magazine ad, a TV show, etc. Wherever it came from, it's not real life. And hon, don't set yourself up ahead of time by saying, "I am going to feel so "low" when she is around..." how do you know what you are going to feel? Maybe she's got a wacko sense of humour that you really like and she makes you laugh a lot? Maybe she will sense that you are a bit uncomfortable around her and she will be mature about it and reassure you that you are fabulous! If none of this is helping, always remember one thing.... regard yourself always as a princess - you  might be a real one! Hope it goes well. Best wishes to you.  

Answer 8

You may find it helpful to research relaxation techniques that can help put you in a better mindset to get through the situations that make you unnecessarily nervous and afraid.  Meditation and biofeedback are very good relaxation techniques.  Also, writing about your feelings in a private journal or a blog can help you make sense of them and get through them.  If you feel comfortable enough, talk to someone you trust about this.  Sometimes just having someone listen to you can help you feel better and work through the feelings.

Answer 9

Wait a minute... are you saying you are worried that he will might be attracted to his niece????

Answer 10

I doubt he would be attracted to his niece as he would realise that its totally wrong, even if he does find her attractive.

Look, I think my boyfriends sister is gorgeous and she doesn't live near us so I feel funny when they message but you've got to step back and remember their relationship and that nothings gonna happen and if it did then were a lot better off since this guy would obviously be a freak. Try to make the most of it and prehaps become friends with her. Self confidence is a touchy issue, there's always going to be someone better than us at something which is hard to deal with but your boyfriend is with you because he obviously sees something he likes, don't waste your life worrying about things you can't change.