This mornings work...will someone comment?

Question

7 Bells

By Jonni F

7 bells hung in the trees

Waiting for an errant breeze,

All made of brass, and painted blue,

They played their song,

For me and you.

One for A and one for D,

In sturdy, thriving Maple trees.

One for S, and one for T,

And one of course, for lovely B,

All hung with care, for all to see

In ancient, gnarly, apple trees.

We hung yours in a gangly pear,

Together, with the greatest care.

And mine in the cherry, you hold so dear,

Its chiming would say my soul was near.

5 bells now hang in the trees,

I wonder…do they catch the breeze?

A and D and S , B, T

Do they ring out joyfully?

I took mine away, it doesn’t ring.

And left yours among some common things.

I close my eyes, I almost see,

When 7 bells,

Hung in the trees.

Answer 1

I love it!!

Answer 2

This has a great flow and rhythm to it. I feel like there is a puzzle here if I could guess the missing two letters, but I'm not seeing it. So, I like this a lot, but I feel I'm not fully getting it.

Answer 3

well done, have you considered breaking this into stanzas?

Answer 4

A sad reflection, written well with metaphors.  My compliments.

Answer 5

It has a lovely ring to it, but maybe a bit insider for me to understand completely. I have a feeling everybody referenced to in the poem though would get it.

Answer 6

I like it.Honestly, I've read poems which 'd describe bells on a tree,but they were boring. I mean the topic is hard to write about.But swiftly followed through Ur poem until U said, "I took mine away, it doesn't ring...thing", U got me shocked there, to finish the reading slowly to the end. 4 me it is very emotional, and carries a big meaning ( which U 'v kept for Urself). 10 over 10, regardless of rhyming and balance, U showed me a genuine 3-dimensional dynamic painting.

Answer 7

Pretty nice overall, but breaking it into stanzas might help and possibly some clarity about what the letters mean.  I thought at first they might be notes, but they aren't.

I like the description and you give both audio and visual imagery.

Answer 8

You have innate talent. As Todd (one of our top poets and experts) says, you leave us a bit confused. A few suggestions: divide the poem into stanzas according to where the subject or emphasis changes; tighten it up; don't force the rhyme; read it aloud several times before posting it in final draft. Poetry may be mysterious, but it should not puzzle the reader.

Answer 9

Nice poem with good flow, but I didn't quite get the message behind it. you surely meant to have a message, didn't thou?

Answer 10

sounds and rhymes just right but erm...can you please explain what its all about? I now want to know coz youve made me curious. lol thanks.