This question is for doctor's - and anyone else that would like to answer. What ever happened to warmth?

Question

When I was told that I had Leukemia, the doctor was as cold as ice. Nothing like, I'm sorry to tell you this. No contact. Do you just not care? Are you trying to keep your distance from us? Are we just money to you? Is it just a business. We are people. Now we are fighting for our lives. It would be great to think that you cared if we lived or died. I think many doctor's need to get back the human element. A person's frame of mind is important. Whatever happened to a bedside manor? Where are all the good doctors? Do you care?

Answer 1

I have rarely seen this many good answers to a question, and no trolls at all. Congratulations, you bring out the best in people!!

I have only one thing to add:  You are born with your personality, and your career does not change that.   I believe that docs and nurses go into health care because of a sincere caring and desire to help.  But they can still have personalities that just don't convey a lot of empathy.  Medical school can teach communication skills, but a distant and stand-offish personality will always be distant and stand-offish.

And one more  "one more thing":  I have seen doctors with warm, loving, caring supportive bedside manners - whose patients LOVE them - delivering horrible medical care.  Likewise, I have seen doctors with horrible people skills and bedside manner who deliver topnotch care.  It is a fortunate patient who finds both in one doctor!

Answer 2

I was in ICU for three weeks and found there are both types in the health care field. Some are very caring while others, I think, try to protect themselves from the emotional trauma of dealing with tragedies day after day. I really doubt if they are thinking only of money. I found I felt better if the doctor showed she cared. Whether she really did or not I don't know. I think she did.

Sorry to hear you have leukemia. When diagnosed with something like cancer, a good bedside manor should be mandatory.

Answer 3

sweetheart, i had breast cancer in 2004-2005; i went throught the whole tx process: surgeries, chemo (baldness) and radiation

i could not have had more compassionate and sweeter doctors; i still see them for 6 month follow-ups

what i am saying is: you need to find a new doctor

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that you've been diagnosed with leukaemia, and that you feel you've been treated in a cold, casual manner.

The thing is, your doctor has to give this news several times every day. I'm not a doctor, but I bet they hate doing it every time, just as much as the first time they had to do it. But they must have had to learn to keep some distance.

Where I live it isn't a business, because we don't pay for our health care and our doctors are salaried; nevertheless I find it very hard to believe that there are many, if any, doctors who regard it as a business, and see their patients as money, not as people.

My consultant gave it to me straight, and I appreciated that; I didn't need him to tell me how sorry he was, I needed him to give me the facts and tell me my options. In my view, that was the kindest thing to do.

I never encountered any medical professional throughout my cancer treatment who was anything other than kind and caring; some had better 'people skills' than others, it's true.

I hope you find those who you have to deal with from now on are just as kind and caring as mine were.

My best wishes for your treatment

Answer 5

There are many cold doctors out there, I have experienced a few. Earlier this year I was facing cancer, or what they thought was cancer. The dr. doing the procedures was nice but not overly nice. His staff was very good as they were working with someone who was scared as I am sure most every patient is. Thankfully, they kept communication with my family dr. who is just so wonderful. She called me at home many evenings after I would have a procedure done at the hospital. I really have developed a bond with her, maybe too much as others have mentioned above.

I am glad you found someone else. Often it takes a few different dr.'s to find the right one.

Hang in there!  

Answer 6

There's no way to apologize for poor delivery of bad news.  And right now it sounds like you are in the angry stage of adjustment.  That's okay, and you are perfectly entitled to the anger.  Life just handed you a bushel of lemons, and you are the one left to suck on them.  Without sugar, even.  Folks in the medical profession do care, most of them as a matter of fact.  Yes, there are some who really take maintaining a professional cool a bit too far.  In fairness, do consider doctors and nurses get to deliver bad news on a daily basis.  If we got emotionally invested in each and every patient we saw, we'd be basket cases before long.  Can you imagine what it feels like to help parents struggle to deal with a child who is dying, and then go home to your own family?  If I put myself through an emotional wringer every shift, I'll have nothing left for those nearest and dearest to me.  Of course I empathize with my patients, and I want to do whatever I can to help them live and die well.  It's a lot easier said than done some days.  Hopefully you will be getting your care in a cancer unit or specialty clinic where there will be people who can help you through the fight and provide you with some of the support you need.  There will be people there who can provide exactly what you are looking for in terms of bedside manor.  The doctors and nurses will try their best for the most part.  However, they do need to maintain a professional distance to a certain extent if they are to be of any help to you or anybody else.  If your current doctor leaves you cold, and you feel the bedside manner will be a hamper to your treatment, then by all means find a different doctor.  While you may not find one who gives you warm fuzzies, it shouldn't be a regular case of pricklies either.  Like all relationships, you will mesh with some doctors and not with others.  You did not appreciate the straightforward, no nonsense approach he had, but believe it or not some patients actually prefer that.  So neither of you is completely in the wrong or the right.  I hope you find a treatment center that can provide the things you need to fight the leukemia, and folks on staff that can help you with emotional support you will need.  It is a tough fight, and yes- your emotional state of mind is important.  So find a place and a doctor where you can meet all your needs.  Good luck, I wish you well.

Answer 7

Hi,

You have the asked one of the best questions i've seen... first off, i'm not speaking in behalf of your oncologist, but this is from me...

I'm a newly passed physician, and i know what you mean... back in the old days, the doctor may not have any equipment or medicine or other means for a sick person who is dying, and yet, the relatives dont get mad... because he stays at the bedside, comforting the family, even if there's nothing else he could do...

but now, there are so many malpractice cases... and my professor told us, majority of these, are due to: lack of communication and rapport with patients...

I dont know why your doctor was cold as ice when you consulted him, but i know a lot others who are exactly the opposite...

he could have a lot of reasons why - maybe he didnt learn that in medschool, maybe he became too attached to a patient and something devastating happened and now he is keeping distance, maybe he is old and tired of his work, maybe he is too career-oriented,maybe he is actually nervous to death inside, maybe he has too much on his mind that time, maybe he had a bad childhood, or maybe that's his family's upbringing...

no matter the reasons, I know he should have treated you better. No excuses for bad manners. Nevertheless, i hope that experience would not affect your outlook on us doctors... we are not cold-hearted.

One couldnot undergo the long,hard medical training and not be affected emotionally, or not care for the persons who become our patients in need of our attention...

Some place in our hearts, no matter what the reasons why one chose to be a doctor, I'm sure part of it is to serve others who are in need, to be an instrument of healing, to make a world a better place (in our own way).

Don't worry, I will give my best to show I do care.

That's why I'm here.

Leukemia seems to be frightening, but I know you're gonna get the best treatment for it, so put your mind at ease. If you have any questions, ask your doctor. Speak your mind. You should have say in the decision-making, because you are a partner.

God bless, I know you'll make it through!

Answer 8

I am not a doctor, but I think it is just that doctors do try to keep things professional. If they get too involved, then the person might want to call them at all hours of the night at home for every little thing, so they learn to try to tone that compassion down, maybe too much.

Also if they get too emotionally attached to their patients, they can feel drained when they try to do everything and it isn't enough and the "favorite" patient dies...still it happens that way also sometimes. Oncologists maybe have so many patients with cancer that all of them are devastated with the news and it would burn them out to get emotionally involved with all of them. I think all doctors are different, with different personalities also. Surgery and giving people chemo, etc are things that if you get emotional and lose your focus on what you are doing, then you could make a mistake if your mind wanders too.

Some doctors are very smart and very talented at what they do, but not necessarily good at tact. Other doctors might be good at tact and personality, but not quite as smart or talented. Some very few might be good at both.

If you don't like your doctor, switch to a different one. It is your money and your choice and you need to feel comfortable.

I had cancer and my surgeon was very kind and the surgery wasn't perfect, but I was ok with that. The oncologist was very smart and good at what they did in that office and very thorough, but not quite so good with time or sympathy, and I was ok with that too, as long as the chemo went smoothly....and it did.

But it is your body and your money paying for the treatments, so you need to be comfortable with your doctor and your treatment.

Answer 9

There are a good set of answers here.

I especially like Meli's answer too.

She should make a very good doctor.

I was a cancer and leukemia doctor for 20 years.

I retired before age 50 for many reasons, but one was that I looked at each patient as a family member and tried to provide the same compassionate care that I would want for my sister, mother, father, etc.

There is a risk in doing this.  We lose so many good people to bad diseases that it takes an emotional toll.  An older heme/onc doctor who retired before I did (also near age 50) told me that a person with a tender heart could not survive more than 10 years as an oncologist.  He turned out to be right in my case though I held on longer.  When I started burning out, I knew I had to do something else rather than become cold.  I've known other specialists who have switched fields and gone back to internal medicine, ER medicine, or even psychiatry.  I just left medicine entirely and went back to college so that I could teach history.

I've known a number of oncologists who stay professional and detached as a way of coping, but that is not the way to do it in my opinion.  There are some who maintain compassion and have longevity in the field.  I admire these greatly.  They are out there.  If you have options, I hope you can find one of these special people.

Another reason I wanted out of medicine is that I never felt it should be a business - and it often is here in the U.S.  I would like to see physicians salaried as they are in the U.K. - though many of my former colleagues would dislike me for saying this.

Meli is right about communication preventing malpractice suits - at least in my experience.  I never had a malpractice suit over my 20 years.  I spent a great deal of time at the bedside explaining or just sitting there talking.  I think a doctor that sits down and relaxes a minute is more in touch, and people see that we are not up running from patient to patient like an assembly line job.  Medicine is not an assembly line job, and that's what I felt Medicare and third party insurance carriers were pushing us to - having to see greater volumes of patients to make enough money to pay our staffs and overhead expenses.  I didn't make a lot of money as a doctor, but that was OK with me. ( I averaged about $80,000 per year which is not a lot of money as medical specialist incomes go.)

The important thing here is that you get well from your leukemia, whichever type it may be.  There are some cold doctors who happen to be very good at providing quality if not compassionate medical care.  I'm sorry you had to get bad news delivered poorly.  As long as you get better, you may eventually forgive the first heme/onc specialist.

Best of luck!  A bit of luck and prayer can be a big help.