This question is for the army family. Do you guys think its "easier" to be an army wife or a enlisted wife?

Question

Im debating on staying an army wife or joining the army as well. I just want an honest opinion in as much detail as possible. What I know so far is as an army wife you have the freedom to do what you want. You do have the means to go and see places. You can focus on yourself, and all you have to do is be there for your husband and be faithful. The downside is that your husband will hang out with mostly single young men that dont value marriage and will egg on your husband to cheat. There are long times where you dont see your husband and you have no idea what is going on. There is the whole stupid rivalry between spouses and army women...

Now I hear from the army women that your life is structured just like the men, but you become really close to them and eachother through all of the stresses that you go through. You get the true army experience but you are away just as much and cheating can and may happen. The stupid rivalry also means that as an army women, you tend to hang out with mostly other army women. Now for some honesty. That is what I know so far. If anyone can tell me more or help me out with this decision it would mean the world.

About me...Im an army brat, my husband is at ft jackson right now. Im at the beginning steps with my recruiter. Ive wanted to serve the country all my life in whatever way possible. I know the army will make me a stronger person which I want, but I also know that I can help by being a strong wife to my husband and being there to take care of our daughter.

The two things that worry me are as an army wife I know your kind of powerless in a way...you can do what you want but you kind of answer to your husband. If he was to change as I hear horror stories about your up ship creek. Now my husband has been the biggest sweetheart but im not naive.

On the other hand as an army women, you are strained even more on your time with your husband and added to that is your children. You also dont have that much freedom when it comes to personal expression.

I really am torn, I want to join I think it will make me stronger, but I want to be a good mom and wife which will make me stronger in other ways...please give me some advice

Answer 1

wow..doesnt matter if you are married to a military guy or civilian if they change and its not for the good you can leave them...you are not powerless to them....my husband is air force..we have seen many dual military couples...it works for them..normally they are married and serving before having kids....we have known probably half that have had the woman get out once they had kids..it was too much...either it was because they were in the same career field or the mom got orders to korea...or was going to the desert..and didnt want to do that....its got its downsides im sure just as its got its ups....but only you will know if its going to fit your life

Answer 2

Why don't you join up for four years and if you like it, great.  If you don't, get out and be a dependent.   You can go off of our experiences but its really second hand, isn't it?  Your experience may be totally different (good or bad) and your perception is all that really matters.  

Answer 3

Being dual military is not as hard as you think it is. My hubby and I did it for several years. It isn't much different than working a "normal" job. The main reason why I got it is b/c we have kids and with both of us being in they never saw their parents. IMO, that is the only major drawback.  

Answer 4

In any branch, it is hard to be a mother. Look at the chances of being deployed to a hot spot, and getting killed. Your kids have no mom. You can get killed going to a store, or in your living room ,true, but in a hot zone there are people who want to target you simply because of the uniform.But joining, if the kids can take it, and you can get stationed near or with your husband, the experience may be great.I am a guy, so I don't know how you view this problem, but most of those who answer probable never served in the military.It is all a matter of your personal choices, and a deal you strike with the recruiter.

Answer 5

Okay so here is my perspective and it is only from a Army wife's persepctive and not from someone who is or has served.  I would find it incredibly hard to give my children the amount of stability they need and be a dual military couple.  I am sure many have and are doing a great job of it, but I have seen the hours my husband puts in and the stress the military life puts on the kids.  It is a hard world we live in and being a child of one military person is difficult.  I think you should consider your daughter and how she would deal with the potential of being seperated from both of her parents for a year or more.  Do you have someone who could take her without any issues?  While the Army does try and keep military couples together I can tell you that isn't a guarantee.  I have learned to try and look at situations from the worst case scenario because the reality is that worst case scenario can happen.  I know it sounds HORRIBLY negative.  I just try and be realistic that way if something great happens I can be truly appreciative of it.   Anyways.  I would say you need to decide what is best not only for you but what is best for the whole family including your daughter.  I am sure you will make the right decision whatever it is.  I wouldn't however just through your life up to chance and enlist without fully thinking through the situation as someone may suggest. This isn't something you can just walk away from if it gets to hard. Good luck!

Answer 6

at one time i considered being in the service  My husband didnt want me to do it because it is more stressful on the relationship than just being a hard workin army wife because often you will be working the same hours he has and will not see him as much and plus you dont get to be deployed together and if you are both deployed at the same time it can be a major issue for both of you also if a duel military couple has a child and both parents get deployed your child has to live in a foster home or with family of yours it definately makes it harder

i made a choice of going to college i take online courses you can go to your local ACS and ask for information on it all i wont graduate in four years but it makes me feel like im acomplishing something towards my future