Those of you who say us adoptees are pushy for reunion and our b-mom's don't want to meet us?

Question

i was fortunate that my mother WANTED to meet me. so for those of you who say that a birth mother does not want to meet her child that she gave away, then how do you explain my mother wanting to meet me?

Answer 1

I think that it's fantastic that your birth mom wanted to meet you-  Some birth moms do not- I am adopted and have 2 adopted children- my son's b-mom did want to meet him, and has- our daughter's birth mom told us, "I know that placing my baby with you is the right thing, but I do not want continued contact"- now that may change , however as of now no-  just because one person has one experience does not negate someone else's experience.

Answer 2

Don't listen to those people they're crazy and most importantly, THEY'RE SCARED!

It's much easier to believe the adoption myths of all birhtmothers being crackwhores, heroin addicts and cold unfeeling women searching for anonymity but as the internet makes it possible for more and more people to reunite we are learning the truth.  Most birthparents welcome reunion.  its the small few who don't

And that scares the heck out of adoption workers and the naughty (notice I didn't say ALL, there are some really good ones out there) aparents who think of their adoptees as property.

The truth will out.

It always does.

Answer 3

I'm not sure of anyone else.I have prayed for the day I would meet my bs.I gave my son to two of the most wonderful people I have ever met.

Answer 4

No mother really WANTS to give away their child. A lot of birth mothers are pressured or even forced to give up their babies by others.

The intention of giving a baby up for adoption is to give it a better life (although I question that) and so the mother later on might wonder if that life was really better than what she could provide and whether they are healthy and have a successful and happy outcome.

I am an adoptee and my birth mother wants to see me desperately (she was forced to give me up) but I am very nervous about it. I have met other family members but not her. She is mentally ill and if I meet her I know I will also have to take care of her as well as my own parents so it's a bit of an ask especcially as I have no siblings. She is also apparently very clingy so once I make contact it will be very full on. I am reluctent to meet her until I am ready and just have to write back explaining I am not ready. But someday I will.

Answer 5

Who said birth moms don't want to meet? The otherside? I dont understand the question..Who said "it". My wifes child was adopted or stolen in better terms...not a day goes by that she doesnt want to "meet".

Answer 6

i think there are some b moms that don't want to contacted.  I think that once the adopted child makes the first contact the b parent can  say they are not intrested and that is there right.  Many people don't tell there family they gave a child up or there husband.  

With that said i think most b-moms want to be contacted

Answer 7

I think most bmothers DO want to meet adoptees, at least most are open to reunion if approached.  That is a good thing.

A very few actually  say no to any sort of meeting.  To continually pursue those who say no, for whatever reason, is pushy.  That's just my opinion.  I understand others interpret this differently.  I'm searching and have thought a lot about what possible scenarios I might encounter in my search.

Answer 8

Its a funny thing adoption isnt it? I mean, no one ever really knows what goes on in our adoptee minds and no one ever really knows what goes on in our bios minds when they give us up. Dont you think though, that some people are quick to judge?

It wasnt that my bio didnt want to meet me, she just didnt know what to expect when she did, she also wasnt sure of how things would go with reunion. I guess it was just as hard for her as it was for me.

I think alot is to do with just plain old finding out. There is also curiosity too. My birth mother was curious of how I turned out and it was a comfort to her that I was ok. People search for so many different reasons. I dont think people should be so quick to say that your mother didnt want you because she gave you away! There is many reasons a bio must part with the child.

Answer 9

I think that most first moms do want to meet, as most first moms, in this day and age, entered into what they thought was an "open" adoption. People aren't as closed lipped with spouses about their past as they were a few decades ago. For myself in particular, my spouse is my only "live, in person" support system. If something should happen to me, he would know the whole story, along with my son, Sam. He would make sure my daughter, "Lauren", got the answers... the TRUTHFUL answers. She would hear MY side. She would know who I really am. My life and what I've done with it would be my testimony. Sam is also a living testament to what kind of person and mom I am. I live my life so that she will be proud. So she will know that at least she has one connection that she will never have to be ashamed of.

I am so sorry for those who feel that their first moms didn't want them, in particular the poster above me. I don't know, is that what your AP's told you? I always like to hear everything from the "horse's" mouth. That's the only way you'll ever know for sure. People have been known to lie. If you've never known your first mom, how could you know? Was it something you read? Don't believe everything you read, you don't know who really wrote it. I am sorry for your pain.

Most first moms fully expected to have and keep their baby. Unfortunately, some were left emotionally and financially abandoned and didn't have anyone that could/would give them any help. There are alot of first grandparents that hang their heads in shame and would give anything to have done  things differently.

Life is difficult.

"Lauren's" first mom, ready and waiting to see/hear from you.

Sam's mom

Answer 10

If ya don't ever ask, you'll never find out.

I've seen adoption from different perspectives within my own life, and support reunion efforts wholeheartedly.

Anyone should jump at the opportunity to put aside prejudice and presumption-to dispel old fears, worries and concerns. A small measure of open-mindedness and charity and compassion can go a long way. After enough water has passed under the bridge, a desire for greater personal awareness should overpower any abiding regrets or harsh feelings. Blame and recrimination give way to understanding and acceptance that our past isn't lost in a fog.

Putting a face to a distant memory, and telling the story to the one person in the world that wants to hear it the most, no lies, no agendas-that's a win-win situation, I'm sure.

Good Luck!

Answer 11

There are many, many first moms who would like to meet their children.  However, many will not get to know their children because of fear.  The children were lied to and never told that they were adopted.

There are a few first moms who do not wish to meet their children because of fear and very hurtful, harmful memories.

I am soooo soooo happy that your mom wanted to meet you.

Answer 12

I think the latest stats (from States that have opened the records) show that 1-2% of mothers don't want to meet the adoptee

People who hark on about all b-moms not wanting to know us are talking out of their a**

I'm so glad you got to meet your mom and get the truth of your origins, good or bad, I think the truth is important

Answer 13

I think thats fantastic!!

Answer 14

Lollerskates!  Have you ever noticed how many times on just Yahoo Answers adoption category alone how many people say that birthmothers have no right to go looking for reunion?  It's the same silly nonsense that society wants us to think about adoption being final and never look back.  Silly that the same thing gets twisted the other direction back at adoptees.

Answer 15

it so true the reason most parents give up there children is because they dont think they can take care of it and alot of the time this is true so the parents are doing the right thing because the child might have a beter life with a different family but tat dosent mean they dont love the child or tat they dont think about the child all the time and most parents wish 2 met there children in the future when they think they can cope with having a child so Wat Ur saing is so true

Answer 16

I don't get it either, Healing.  My first family searched for me, too.

Answer 17

its hurtful, but one day they should be thankful that this "person" is NOT in their life!!

They didnt care then and they dont now..so its best that they have a REAL parent that DID and DOES care!!! :)

Answer 18

OR...MINE wanting to meet me?