Three questions on underwater living!

Question

I'm currently living underwater and I need three questions answered:

1. How do you turn into a fish, because i often have trouble breathing underwater. My friend told me that I will grow gills if I live underwater for long enough but it hasnt worked so far.

2. I live nextdoor to a very loud octopus, that regularly hosts loud parties. How do I politely tell him to be quiet?

3. How do I get high-speed wireless internet underwater? Currently I have to travel to an above-ground internet cafe to go online and it is really starting to annoy me that I have to go above water every time I want to access the net.

Keep in mind that my quality of life underwater is great: I've got a job working at a School of Fish and I live in a nice, comfortable patch of algae

Answer 1

1. Your freind is rubbish. Drown him/her. If you want to breath underwater either go down in a bubble or drink all the water in the sea and climb down until your on the bottom.

2. The chances are this octopus has bad hearing and has to have loud parties otherwise he cant hear well. I suggest screaming at his or using a microphone. Or you could simply tell him to get some octo-hearing aids.

3.Like the first question, you could take a computer down in a bubble, after nicking it. But if the wires arent long enough to reach your comfortable patch of algae, then wait till It rains in the cafe, open all the windows and wait for the room to fill up. Usually people will run out screaming - the reason not yet known - so you can have the whole place to yourself if you wish.

I hope I helped and hope to talk to you again from under the sea :D

Answer 2

1. Your friend is stupid. Get a new one. Obviously that is ineffective. The only chance you have of turning into a fish is by eating a fish whilst visualising yourself growing gills, and then spitting into a bowl of fire.

2. Now i've had personal experience with his. I don't mean to categorise octupuses but from experience they are generally quite rude. If this one is keeping you up all night then i suggest inviting over some sharks. I know some- if you want i could give you their numbers but i can't guarentee they won't eat you...

3. Unfortunately society is still discriminating against underwater living, and is trying to remove people who are planning on migrating underwater by making life harder. Luckily i know some electric eels which can help you access the net.

Hope your quality of life underwater remains great. Enjoy your algae.  

Answer 3

1. im not sure (sorry)

2. just go over to his home and ask him if he could keep it down next time he has a loud party

3. get comcast

Answer 4

I guess spongebob might me able to help you with the first two questions. The third one I would advice you to contact your nearest internet service provider for better deals if your going monthly.  

Answer 5

Nice dude!

Answer 6

  Do you ever suffer the bends?

Answer 7

sponges cant grow gills. just keep the square pants on.