Time for fostercare?

Question

My son just turned 2 and it was required that we wait 1 year after adopting. I think we have a lot to offer a foster child. We're not looking to adopt, but would be open if that's what the Lord leads us to.

Do you think that having foster children in the home with adoptive children makes the adoptive child feel insecure, like they might leave too?

My babes are 2 & 3 should I accept children their age or younger?

What kidna of issues are there when having foster and adoptive babes in the same home?

And for foster parents.... How hard is it to see the babes leave?

sorry!! last question. I know there is a per-deim for each child. If there is money left over from their care, is there a way to set up a college fund for the child that is out of the reach of the family (future foster or bio) until 18?

Answer 1

I think it would be wonderful and you are worrying yourself unnecessarily

My friends Mom always had three kids and always had foster kids as well.  Even though the foster kids moved on - the foster family still stay in touch with each and every one of them, even now they are grown adults.  I think it's wonderful that they have that bond with each other - like a huge extended family, it's lovely to see

I wish the State of NY would allow me to get in touch with my foster mother, I have so much to tell her and I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from me also - but because I was adopted my records were sealed - blah!

Best of luck

Answer 2

I've had many of the same questions that you listed.  So I'm glad to know that I'm not alone.

The reality is that I know a few families that contain both adopted and foster children.  The only problem that I've personally seen was when one of the foster children needed a lot of one on one attention and the other children were feeling neglected.  The reality is that it wouldn't have mattered if the children were bio or adopted or foster in that case.  Kids are kids.  

I think that by bringing foster children into a family while the other children are young, you are teaching your children a great lesson and also tolerance for others.  

We've considered fostering, but the uncertainty of their stay is what stops me.  I get too attached to be able to watch a child have to leave when the government says they do.  Perhaps I will change my mind one day, but I just don't think I'm strong enough to handle that.  

Sorry I don't know about the college fund info.  Perhaps someone else will know the answer for you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

As for making your children feel insecure that shouldn't be a problem if you talk to your children and explain to them what is going on.  At such a young age it shouldn't be too detailed, something along the lines of "Mommy and Daddy are helping another Mommy and Daddy get a wonderful little boy or girl.  Right now we are looking after (Insert child's name) until their Mommy and Daddy can come and get them."

As your children get older you may want to explain to them that you are trying to help other parents experience the same joy you have felt by adopting a child.

As for the age of the children you should foster, whatever age you would want to foster should be fine.  It would be advisable to talk to the foster agencies in your area and ask them what they suggest.

As for having adoptive and foster children in the same home it really isn't anymore of an issue than biological children and foster children so long as your adoptive children feel secure that you love them.  Talk to the foster children as well and make sure they understand what is going on, but make sure that they feel love.

It is always hard to see the children leave, especially if you feel that it is not in the child's best interest to be going with their biological families as is sometimes the case.  However something that can make it easier is when you know that you have provided that child with a loving home and given them a chance for something better.  You will know in your heart that you made a difference in someone else's life, and in many cases you can still maintain a relationship with that child, just in a different capacity, such as Auntie/Uncle.

In regard to your last question that is something that you would have to bring up with the government agency in your area.  Different states have different laws in regard to how the funds must be spent.  Speak with your local foster agency and talk to them.  They will be your best resource.

Answer 4

We have done foster care for thelast 4 years now. theworst problem we've had is reactive attachment disorder.  Yes there are crack babies and meth babies but they are not as hard as RAD babies. My typing is kind of sloppy due to a 4 month old foster babyin my lap. The hard part about foster care really is dealing with someof the parents. They don't want you taking care of their children. Just be polite and let it go in one ear and out the other and you'll do great! We can always use good homes.

RAD is when they don't get too close to people. They are untrusting becausethey think that you will leave them or neglect their needs. You'll definately know one when you getone and the best thing to do is get them therepy. They can get better.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Let me bgin my answer by stating the fostering dependent children is the best thing in the world you could posibly do in the best interests of the child! You are to be commended for even thinking about the program!

I've handled hundreds of cases over my years as a Guardian ad Litem (GAL)and have yet to see a foster child negatively effect the siblings, especially at that young age. Which also should answer your question about relative ages. Specify that you will foster only a child between 2-3.

No issues that I've observed between adoptive and foster kids. If you vave the love to adopt and foster, then you have plenty of love to share!

The difficulty in setting aside money "left over" from your monthly Foster Home stipend is that the child is a ward of the Court and your State's Department of Children & Families (DCF in Florida)is the Representative Payee for all income and assets accruing to the child. It probably could be done by contributing to your State's Prepaid College Plan but what happens when the child turns 18? Will he/she still be Dependent, still living in your State, college material, etc. I would not recommend dong this. Also, in most states there are statutes that require the State to pay for secondary education for any child who has EVER been Dependent and in Foster Care.

Hope I've addressed your concerns about Fostering. GO FOR IT...you are a very special person!

Answer 6

foster children vary. some are worse than others. usually they've been abused, neglected, exploited, etc. They can have terrible behaviors. Touching other kids in sexual ways, sleeping in closets, withdrawn, aggressive, etc. The younger they are the better, due to the fact that they haven't been in the bad situation so long. I'd take one infant at a time if I were you. They will take up a lot of your mommy time reguardless. Normally infants are born addicted to drugs and have trouble sleeping and eating etc. I don't think your children would have any trouble with them coming and going. You just reasure them that that is their house that they are sharing with children that need a home and a mom.

Answer 7

I adopted my son when he was 2-1/2. I have considered adopting another child through foster care but so far have decided not to because there are no guarantees that the child I foster will become available for adoption. Not only would that devastate me, but I think it would be very hard on my son (who is now almost 7). Yes, he might worry that he too would be taken from me, but I am more concerned that he would feel incredible pain from losing his new brother or sister.

Answer 8

You sound like you have a very good heart. the things that I know that were hard for my friend who did this, was she got attached to the children. It was very hard on her to let them go. Her husband distanced himself from the home as not to get attached, and not to deal with her suffering. Also some of the children had a lot of emotional issues. some were abused, neglected, and everything you can think of. These poor babies  suffered emotional problems due to their past. One young boy tried to touch her young daughter. It was so hard, because the poor boy had been malested himself from a very early age, so it was tough situation because she needed to protect her daughter, and wanted to help the boy, but he was ripped from the home and put back in the system. She had a lot of tough questions she had to answer to her children about that and kids comming and going in general. It was very very hard on her mostly. Her kids seemed to adjust with good communication as to why foster kids. It was her that had a hard time. She got very attached, she loved the kids. Good luck to you hun, you are a good soul.

ps, I'm sooo not trying to change your mind on doing this. I just wanted to share what I know. My friend had many great children, and she loved helping them, she said there was nothing more rewarding. It was just hard for her because she wanted to really give all these kids a better life, and some of them just had so much emotional damage from their past that sometimes there were problems, but not always. Good luck at everything you do. I commend you for your love and compassion to the greatest gift and joy on this earth, kids.