Time spent together?

Question

My mother in law thinks that because I chose to have children with her son, I should automatically want to spend every possible minute with him, and thinks because I go to a slimming class one night a week and go for a driving lesson another, this makes me the life and soul of the party! I very rarely go out on any other occasion, and she makes me feel bad for trying to have some 'me' time away from my other half and my kids, both whom I love dearly and we make a huge effort to spend one day of the weekend together. On the other hand, she thinks is perfectly acceptable for him to go out religiously one night a week with his friends to the pub.

She says I can't be a mum and be a party girl at the same time, but she doesn't understand I'm not out every weekend, falling in and out of different pubs, I go to friends houses for coffee or something, and I don't think its healthy for couples to spend every possible minute together!

My boyfriend and I don't disagree over this so why does she have a problem??

I'm 21, my boyfriend's 27.

Thanks in advance

Answer 1

It is always best to remain civil with your mans mother.No matter what she thinks if you and him are happy then what does it matter what she thinks.What I'm telling you is to grin and bear it,You don't want to put him in a situation of being in the middle of you and his mother fighting that wouldn't be fair to him and you know whether or not your a good spouse and a good mother,so ignore what she thinks and just be happy.good luck

Answer 2

     Have you spoken to your boyfriend about this?  It's his mother, after all.  He should take her aside and gently explain that you're perfectly entitled to go out if you want to.  I'd have thought he'd automatically have stood up for you in this.

Good luck

Mike B

Answer 3

From what it sounds like, i think that maybe she thought her son would end up with a different type of girl. Maybe someone like herself. She just doesnt want to let her little boy go. If you and your boyfriend are happy with how you live your lives than try to ignore her because she probably will never stop the nagging

Answer 4

Only you can allow her to make you feel bad. If there is nothing wrong with the relationship with your boyfriend, then don't worry about it. EVERYONE needs time to themselves.  

Answer 5

Did you try telling her your side of the story? i'm sure she's just trying to look out for her son's best interest..but be sure to know that there is a balance between going out and family time. As long as you can do both and still lead a healthy relationship lifestyle, your mother in law will understand sooner or later.  

Answer 6

I'm a little confused here - you call this woman your mother-in-law but you call him your boyfriend not your husband. That may be part of the problem here. She is the grandmother of your children & may be feeling a bit insecure here since you two are not married. She may worry that you'll meet someone else when you're out & leave her son, taking away her grandchildren.  From your post, you do sound very committed in your relationship & I do agree that you both need a little time apart. What you do does not at all seem excessive.

How is it that she is aware of your every night out? Is she your designated babysitter? If so, find someone else to babysit  occasionally. Your private life needs to be between you & your partner. Find a kind way to keep her out of the loop on this. I don't think she's trying to control your life so much as protect her grandchildren - and her point of view on mom's night out may be a little outdated for you. Be understanding but firm that as long as you & your partner can agree on how you live that is all that she needs to know. Good luck!

Answer 7

Well she's his mummy and she has no practical idea how to make a marriage work. What are you supposed to do, stay home and be a wife 24/7? It doesn't work that way. If you and your husband are happy with the arrangements then what business is it of hers?Ok, you're young and you chose to have children, does that mean you shouldn't be entitled to a life as well. It seems like she thinks he can be a dad and still have his social life, surely the same should work for you. Why isn't she doing her bit and helping out with the childcare? Does she want your relationship to fail? Is she not supportive? My daughter(18 and against my best judgment) just had a baby. I babysit at least once a week so her and her boyfriend can have some kind of life. Sometimes your family doesn't work out how you planned it but she should still be in there trying to make things better for you all, not making it harder for you. Your husband needs to grow some balls and have a word with her, he owes you this!

Answer 8

Well, she's NOT your MIL.   So may be you need to remind her of this.

You also have to point out her son's drunken weekends.  Without you in tow.

You may as well grow a spine now, before this man may be some day chooses to have you as his wife   and you'll already know how to handle this meddeling swine!

Answer 9

Tell her in the nicest way possible to mind her own business. Tell her that you and her son have agreed this is ok and that's all that matters. When you want her opinion about anything you will ask. If you don't nip this now it will only continue.

Answer 10

All that stuff about you partying or whatever is rubbish. This woman is jealous and scared. She is scared that you are taking her son away from her. And finds the littlest things to pick at you about. Just ignore her btw. There is nothing wrong with your lifestyle. I think shes just finding it difficult that her son is no longer a kid.