Tips for disciplining out of control 4 yr old?

Question

Hey Everyone...

I am a mom of 5...and let me say up front...none of my other children (9 yr old twins, 7 yr old, 3 yr old) acted this way or show signs of acting this out of control...

My four year son...seemingly was the perfect infant/toddler...but he has just gotten out of control!. Nothing is working for him as far as discipline...time out...corner...having things taken away (bike etc)...he is very hyper and I actually fear for his safety at his defiance (I yell at him to STOP and he doesn't I am afraid he may not listen if he is near a street etc).

I am basically asking for some tips that maybe helped you if you had a similar behaving child? I hate to use the WAY overused ADD title...but it seems so...I keep holding out on evaluating him with the hopes this is a ....phase...

Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

anytime i got out of control i was over my aunts knee skirt up panties off and spanked with my aunts hand till i cryedand my butt was red

Answer 2

Get the evaluation...why drive yourself nuts.  Chances are he will grow out of it but it's better to know what you are dealing with.  Remember he's 4 and will be starting school soon.  Better to get the eval now, so that he is offered all of the programs available to him as soon as possible.  And let me say, if he is out of control...consider the medications...they are so much better now than back in the day.  You will see a marked improvement and he will feel better.  My gf son asks for his meds because he starts to feel out of control and knows this is what gets him back into control....he's 6.

Answer 3

I know exactly what you mean. I have a "strong-willed" 5 year old. He will look me in the face and do exactly what I tell him not to do. The only thing I have found that works, and I ONLY use this for out right defiance is....spanking. Let me say this, if any adult does not know the difference between spanking a child to get their attention and BEATING a child to relieve your own frustration, then you have no business even having a child must less attempting to discipline one. But you hit the nail on the head. Your child MUST understand that when you say "STOP!" they must stop. Because what IF your child is running toward a busy street and hasn't been taught to listen to you and obey your command when you say "STOP" to them?  Tragedy....could be the answer. So, if the time out, putting in the corner, etc., etc won't work, then give it a try. The first time you do it, it may make you cry, it did me, but believe me, if you do it the right way, you will have to spank less and less (which is the point, right?) and you will be avoiding something much worse in the future.  Good luck and keep the faith!

Answer 4

The first thing you must do is try to find the source of the behavior. You mentioned that he seemed like the perfect toddler or infant but that things have gotten out of control. The fact that you have four other children seems like a point of interest. As a father of 3 myself, I know how hard it is to spend quality time with them (one on one) with work, school, wife, etc...Usually, children behave a certain way because they:

A) Want attention (including negative)

B) Have found that it elicits a favorable response: toys, candy, staying up late, pampering, getting their way.

As a parent, you have to stand firm and remain consistent with your discipline. Your child must be brought to know that specific behaviors (crying, yelling, hitting, spitting, disobedience) will result in very specific consequences-EVERY TIME. (Remember not to make them too outrageous)

Take the time to research your child's "breaking points". Taking a bike may have worked for the others but you must remember that each child is unique. Spend a little time watching him over the course of a day, a week, and see what he tends to enjoy the most. Believe me, it will reveal itself.

I cannot stress the consistency factor enough. Do not become so frustrated and tired that you abandon your techniques (timeout, corner, taking things away). These are proven methods that work. They just take time. Your son must come to expect them (consequences) EVERY TIME...even if you must walk him to the corner 100 times to fulfill his 4 minute obligation!

As a child, my inappropriate behaviors warranted (what people used to call...brace yourselves) "a spanking".  As an adult, I neither condone nor practice this method of discipline (Why should I have to hit my children to get them to do what I ask?) Although it seemed to have worked back then, times have changed. However, if a child puts himself in danger (running out into the street) and you need to get his attention IMMEDIATELY, I would not hesitate to give him a SMACK on his bottom followed by an eye level discussion. The "smack" should be used  to get attention not relieve anger or intimidate him to obedience!

Hope this helps...From parent to parent...Good luck! For more, tune in to Nanny 911! (Just kidding) Blessings.

Answer 5

OKAY SINCE HE IZ A BOY U CAN BE A LILTTLE TOUGH ON THAN A GURL OK HERES WHAT U DO U ASK HIM TO STOP THEN IF HE DOESN'T OBEY U,U TAKE AWAY HIS FAVORITE TOY OR NO DESSERTS FOR HMMM 1 WEEK THAN IT'S TWO IF ACTS UP ON FRIDAY OF THE WEEK THEN HE WILL OBEY U,U JUST GOTTA LET HIM KNO WHO IZ THE BOSS

Answer 6

You may want to look at what he's eating.....maybe too much sugar in his diet. (If he is ADD or ADHD, there are theories about controling their diets before resorting to medication...can't hurt to try it!) and consulting with his PED. other than that, all you can do as a good parent is be consitant with him. Good Luck!

Answer 7

if he acts out.. wrap him in a blanket so he can't get out. then tell him to behave so that you can let him out.

plus it'll keep him out of your hair for a while. or you could get a refridgerator box and make s space ship or something with him. keep him occupied.

Answer 8

Parenting classes. Therapy for you and your children.

Answer 9

I think it's very hard to be a middle child in a large family.  Some can cope with it easily, but others have a hard time.  In your son's case, he only got to be the baby for a year, and then a younger sibling came along.   There's probably a little part of him that doesn't feel like he got his fair share of your attention.  That may be why he's misbehaving now....he's looking for attention.

Maybe you could set aside a little time every day just for him, where he has your undivided attention, and it's just the two of you.   I know that would be very difficult for a mom of five, but what about a special bedtime routine?   Stagger the bedtimes, and put the three-year-old to bed first;  then, give your four-year-old a bath, read a story for him that he picks out, snuggle for a few minutes, then tuck him in.   Just that special time every day could make so much difference to him!    Also, when he seeks out your attention during the day, look him in the eye when you talk to him, and make sure that he knows you are really listening to him.  It's worth a try, anyway.

Answer 10

I would surely get him tested! it might make a world of difference. As far as controling him. take him somewhere safer for him and let him have fun. There is a chemical in RED food. (sometimes in other foods.) it is called RED40. i have a son also and i have reduced this, and he seems better. I would remove some or all of it from his diet... and see how he does. Since being tested is delayed!

Good luck and dont give up.

Answer 11

my stepson was the same way before my wife and i got togeather.  just remember this, discipline is not the enemy of enthusiasm.  you are the parent and you are in control, if you say stop and they dont that means they have no means of respect for you telling them to stop.  spank them.  and tell them no again.  spanking children is NOT abuse.  my son and my stepson are great children, and not nearly as hyper now.  ADD and ADHD are excuses not answers of doctors who just dont want to do anything.

as for meds, i am very much against any and all meds for children, my brother and my stepson were on adderall.  and let me say ZOMBIES, my brother tried suicide and my stepson lost 15 pounds at 7 yrs old he weighed barely 55lbs.  no meds

Answer 12

I work at a kid's room in a fitness center, taught preschool classes, and babysat children ages 1-7. I have seen my share of crazy children.

The serious time out has worked for me. What would happen is the child has to sit down in an area with no toys, no tv in view, nothing to do. they may cry but if you give them you attention, the time out is useless. Make sure he gets plenty of excircise everyday. That may be why he's so hyper.

And remember, don't let him be the boss. You are in control. You are his mother. You love him and would do anything for him, but he still needs to know that you are the one that is guiding him through life, not the other way around.

I respect you for taking care of four children under their teen years, yikes =). I'm sure he will be your little angel once again =).

Answer 13

my daughter was the same way and i tried everything even spanking her that worked for awhile but not long after she would start again, one day mom came over and my child was acting up so my mom comes around the corner and throws cold *** water in my childs face and she has been great ever since! so just throw some water in the childs face, a little bit will do the trick! or buy a spray bottle!