Tips for living with autistic child?

Question

Hi,

As I mentioned in a previous post, I live right on top of this family with a very noisy autistic child. He moans and claps all the time, and it's extremely difficult not to get frustrated by it. I'm as tolerant as the next guy, but it's wearing my patience out a little bit.

Does anybody know of any ways of dealing with this? By that I mean, new ways of thinking about it, getting perspective. I don't really include "talk to the parents" or "just try to be more tolerant" as suitable answers. Thanks!

J

Answer 1

Wow, tough question.  I imagined myself in your shoes and tried to think of what I'd do.  Here's what I came up with.

First, I LOVE to research, so I'd start by researching all I could about autism.  The amount of research and information available on this topic is plentiful, so that shouldn't be a problem.  

Second, I would try to figure out how much of my day is spent actually listening to this child.  Does the child spend hours of the day making these sounds or is it just during a particular time of day?  If we're talking about you having to lay awake at night listening to it, then I think that's a problem I'm not really equipped to answer.  

Third, I'd try to block out the sound when it gets to be too much for me to deal with.  Maybe slapping on a set of headphones when it's overwhelming would help.  

As a last resort, I MIGHT consider moving, but in my mind I keep coming back to "how do the parents deal with it?"  They have to deal with it wherever they go.  I'm sure for them it's different, but it's got to get to them at times, too.  Understanding autism and coping with it is what they, as parents, must do.  I know you said that "talk to the parents" wan't a suitable answer, but maybe they could give you some insights into how they do it.

Answer 2

I know how frustrating it can be, I have a 15 year old with Aspergers and some of the behaviours can be frustrating.

I guess if you can find out more about why he does those behaviours it may be easier to deal with.

Those behaviours are usually due to the sensory difficulties of the disability. Perhaps google Autism (you may have already done it). Understanding and knowledge may help to reduce some of the frustration.

My other thought...Autism is a disability like any other disability. If he was in a wheelchair and you could hear it clunking around all day, would it annoy you?

He moans and claps for many reasons, if those two behaviours were removed, he'd replace them with others.

He really cant' help it and I admire that you've been this patient so far.

Good on you, there are so many intolerant people in the world, the fact that you've written this message and are seeking new ways to view the situation says alot about how patient you are.

Answer 3

Try and get to know the child. If you do this it may be easier to get him to stop when he is annoying you.

You can include stuff like playing games etc with him in getting to know him and you can also put some time aside to be with him so that he knows that although you sometimes get annoyed with him you still like him.

Once you've got to know him you may be able to introduce something about time when he needs to be quiet so you can do what you need to do (for instance homework)

You could also try talking to the parents about what they do with him when they need some peace and quiet, you then follow a simalar process.

With the time to be quiet thing you will have to do it in a way he understands for instance a picture of someone clapping with a no smoking type sign over it.

You need to find out what he understands first as it will not work if you try to use a communication method he does not understand

All the stuff to begin with does need the parents permission

Answer 4

MUSIC, autistic kids respond calmly to music and it doesn't have to be loud.  I have taken both my autistic spectrum boys to music therapy and it is great.  Any kind of calming music you have try playing it.  We play James Taylor, CCR, Barry Manilow, The Carpenters, Simon & Garfunkel, Cat Stevens anything really

Answer 5

just imagine what the parents go through on a daily basis

if u cant handle it think about how devastated they are

i think you should move if u cant handle it anymore

hopefully u arent rude to the parents they cant help it and neither can the child

i would just move or learn to deal with the noise cuz it isnt goin away anytime soon

Answer 6

Well, I think the greater part of acceptance is realizing that he really cannot help it, and very likely there is nothing the parents can do to stop it.

Kids who have verbal stims (self stimulatory behaviors) use those behaviors to help regulate their brains. Kids with autism are VERY unregulated, their brains just don't click the way other's do, or it takes years and years to do so. That verbalization might be all that's keeping him on the planet, connected to the places and people that he's surrounded by.

I am going to suggest talking to the parents. Not telling them about how the noise is bothering you, but getting to know the family. Get to know the boy. I find that it's much harder to disdain people you know, than people you don't know. Perhaps you'll realize that he's doing it more than you realize, and you're only hearing part (even if it seems like all the time) and you can be thankful for that. You can envision the people who live right next to it (if it's loud in YOUR apartment, imagine what it's like living with it all the time. There are times when I could just SNAP when my daughter keeps going)

It may be that the parents just need some friendly face to help them feel better. Someone who won't judge them based on their child's disAbility. Sometimes that's all I need to get more energy and keep going.

Answer 7

OMG...wicked tough question!  I work with students who have autism and I cant imagine having to live underneath or above.  Im sure it is very difficult.  I bet the parents are embarrassed by their sons noises even though he cant help it.  I think some good answers are to try noise reducing techniques such as using headphones when you can...or using some noise reducing products.  Cushion the walls...put something underneath your doors to prevent noises coming in.  You could move i suppose but its better to deal with the issue rather than escape the issue. Good luck!

Answer 8

I can understand where you are coming from. I work with an child with autisim. They can not help it and yes, it can be at times "frustrating" to work and understand them. Sometimes I come home pulling my hair out from it. But it takes patience to deal with the child. Imagine how the parents feel...day in and day out.....

But instead of "talk to the parents" or "just try to be more tolerant" try playing some music at the child's "active hours. Or perhaps plan your shopping, errands or visist with friends/family during those times. It gives you an excuse to leave your apartment and not listen to the noise. If your finding these as not helpful, perhaps moving out and finding a new place would work best for you....

Answer 9

First of all, please recognize that it is you that has the problem. You do realize that the child can't help his condition, right? If you can't 'handle it', then move.

Answer 10

If you can`t deal with it,Move.1 in 94 boys are diagnosed with autism today.It could be some one in your family next.Alternative therapy improves the behavior of autistic children,unforntuately,many people don`t believe this.Autism is children with starving brains.Their body can`t absorb nutrients.Advise the parents to check out The Autism Research Institute.Or some autism biomed groups on yahoo groups.Autism is reversable,if caught early and treated with alternative therapys.Anti-viral therapy,chelation therapy to remove heavy metals,Mega vitamin and mineral support,Hyperbaric oxygen therapy helps kids with autism.The big downside is these things are expensive and not covered by insurance,many people can`t afford it.Some of us are going into big-time debt,trying to fix our kids after the vaccines screwed them up.

Answer 11

There is a wonderful article and book called  "10 things every child with autism wishes you knew"

This is the authors website - http://www.ellennotbohm.com/

You should be able to view and exerpt from the text and it is powerful and will help you put this in perspective.

Imagine if you were the parent and were dealing with this 24/7

Answer 12

The parents are as frustrated as you are, believe me, if not more. I have the same situation when it comes to barking dogs, I can't get used to it. Unfortunately, the parents have no control of this and things probably won't get better as this is how the child communicates. Time to save up your money and plan a move. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but this isn't anyone's fault.

Answer 13

Hi James.

I completely understand your problem.

Much of the noise the child is producing could be as a result of distortions of sensory perception and he may require a programme of sensory stimulation in order to help resolve them.

Tell the parents to read here.  http://www.snowdrop.cc/info2.cfm?info_id...

Hope this helps

Answer 14

Maybe try to get to know the family a little more.  Have a cookout and invite them.  Families dealing with disabilities go through so many trials from people looking at them in disgust to people who really care (I'm not saying you're the one with disgust... that's just how some people are).  Some families who do not have a lot of support sometimes become isolated from going anywhere and doing anything.  Compassion to this childs family may help open a conversation... they may even ask you if you can hear him!  Chances are they're more frustrated than you.