Tired of being the "odd man out" at family gatherings.

Question

Does anyone else get the feeling of being the "odd man out" when you go to a family gathering and everyone else has their spouse or significant other with them, and there you are all alone? I just got back from a family reunion today and this crossed my mind like it does at all these kinds of things. Then you get the people that ask you "so when are you going to get hitched up?" Then I start trying to think of what to say.

I guess I'm just one of those oddballs that is forced to go through life all alone. It seems like the more I try on all the personals sites, the less good it does. The area where I live everyone is either already married or has a boyfriend . Someone asked me one time why I don't go to bars. I told them "why should I?" I don't smoke, I don't drink, anything like that. (even though I am 30 years old) I'm just about ready to say the heck with it and just give up. Maybe I'll just continue my life of going to work and coming home day after day until I drop over dead.

I was thinking on the way home from this reunion that perhaps from now on, I'll just come up with some excuse why I can't come to these things. Any thoughts anyone?

Answer 1

Tell them that if and when you are going to get married, they will be the first to know. As for your plans, tell them sorry, but you have plans and that they need to look for someone else.

Answer 2

Awwwwww.

I feel your pain man.

Just keep going.

Tell them you have been in relationships but

you havent really found the right person yet.

OR

tell them your keeping your options open.

Whats the rush right?

You probably have atleast another 30 years ahead of you.

To find someone.

Start asking your mates if they know anyone.

They'll probably ask their wife/girlfriends

who will know tons of attractive women.

Its so kind you help everyone out.

But don't say no.

Just help them and then just tell them about

the  things you were meant to be doing.

Answer 3

First off if you have something else to do; you don't have to drop it to help. Not every time. Do what you want to do. If you want to help then say yes. If you have other plans than say no.

If your family keeps asking about your getting "hitched up" maybe you should answer "when you find someone around here that's not already married for me". The best way to find someone is to meet them through friends or relatives or church or libraries or bookstores or somewhere that you have an interest; because they are obviously there for the same interest.

Your not "the old man out". Your only 30. C'mon. There are a lot of people out there that don't get married until they are in their thirties. And it's much better to meet someone when your both mature enough to communicate on an adult level.  

Answer 4

I was in this same place when I was 30.  I wasn't married, wasn't really dating anyone, and was really uncomfortable answering the "Anyone new in your life?" question.  It wasn't until I even turned 30 that I met and started dating my now husband.  I tried giving excuses, but I finally said to a relative, I just haven't found anyone who is worth it yet.  It was the truth and they stopped asking.

You need to start telling your family that you would love to help, but these are the dates and times you are available.  They need to start working around your schedule.  Something like, "Sure, I can help with that.  I am free to do it tomorrow around 4pm.  Does that work?"  If they tell you no, give them another day and time.  They will start to get the point that they can't use you.    

Answer 5

1. develop a back bone and learn how to say "no, I'm sorry I can't help out this time."  when you have other plans or just don't feel like helping out.

2.  work on your self confidence and self esteem.  You sound really down on yourself and someone who can't tell people "NO" when they have other plans isn't exuding much self confidence and is behaving like a doormat.  Doormats don't attract anyone except users.

3.  You won't meet your Mr or Ms Right in a bar (it happens but it's rare), so there's no point in you going to one if you don't like that scene.  Check your area for clubs that focus on your interests or look for singles groups that meet in your area.  Take a class in something that you have an interest in.  visit meetup.com and look for groups who share your interests in your area.  The idea is to do something you really enjoy and meet as many people as you can--not just potential romantic partners.  

4.  Tell you're friends and family that you are interested in being fixed up.  Brave some blind date fix ups from people who know you.  Go in with an attitude of this is just for fun and it's not the end all and be all one and only.  When you're relaxed and enjoying yourself then you are more likely to meet someone who will be attracted to you.

Answer 6

I think your family just wants to see you with someone who can make you happy.  No parent wants their children to be alone.  My folks were like that and I know it's annoying at times.  Just remember, they want what is best for you.  The choice is ultimately up to you to have a mate or not.  However, people are generally happier when they have a soul mate.  When you have not seen someone in awhile, it's a normal question to ask.  

Your family probably asks you for help because other people in the family might have children in which to attend.  

Answer 7

You're only thirty? Wow! They need to back off!

If personals sites aren't doing it for you, I think you're right that bars won't either. I think you just have to meet someone through work or doing whatever it is you like to do and have a spark happen.

But in this day and age, not being "hitched" by thirty in no way makes you a confirmed bachelor.

Next time they call you to help them with something, tell them you have plans -- especially if you do, but even if you don't. If they ask what they are, tell them, 'I'll let you know if there is anything to tell." It'll be entertaining for you and drive them crazy.  Don't worry -- they can handle it.

I think even if it's not to meet someone, that you should not siimply go to work and come home every day but you should get involved with something that ignites your passion. You're single -- you can spend your income how you choose. You deserve to spend some on yourself having some fun.

You won't meet anyone being a hermit, but you might if you get out and do something new and interesting. Or, you might simply have a richer life for yourself that way.

Answer 8

Your feelings are valid; and those who ask rude questions about why you are not involved with someone are just that:  rude!

Maybe those who question are those who are unhappy in their situations and are jealous of your freedom.

I can't read their minds; however, I disagree with those who feel it's their place to question your life.

If you don't want to attend one of the reunions, then don't go.

Are you destined to be alone?  Maybe, or maybe not.  Not everyone who is involved with someone is happy.  If it's meant for you to be with someone, it will happen.

Now, as far as getting involved with helping relatives:  it is your choice if you want to help them.  You can say "no" if you want to. . . all you have to say is "I'm sorry, I'd love to be able to help but I already have a prior commitment."  And that's ALL you need to say; it's none of their business what you have going on.  

Answer 9

About your second problem - Just tell them you are seeing a girl. That should fix it.

About the first problem - Ask your friends to fix you up with someone, or ask your family to introduce you to someone. Or try going to a library, gym, salsa dancing class etc and meet someone. You are not old enough to give up, my husband married me when he was 30 and I was 22.  

Answer 10

Just say I have to work or that you are helping out a friend or have other plans, That always works when me and my husband don't want to do something or go some where or even get off the phone, say oh no i got to get off the phone i think my dinner might be burning, Well Good Luck and remember you don't owe these people anything I've cut ties with lots of my family members they are out for themselves and use anyone that crosses their paths.