To Homeschooling Moms: how do you deal with other homeschoolers who you know are doing a poor job?

Question

In the last month, I have been made aware of several families who are doing a poor job homeschooling their children. The thing is .. their issues are not really with *homeschooling* per se, but with family issues ... parent-child relationship problems, etc. However, these relational issues spill over into the homeschool, of course.

These are not issues addressed by homeschool laws, not that I'd be comfortable 'reporting' anyone anyway.

Would you just ignore a situation like this when you know the kid is falling behind because he won't follow his mom's lead? Or would you just keep your nose out of it because it's none of your business? That is what I have done so far, and yet these certain families in our community are developing a 'reputation' that is a poor reflection on homeschooling as a viable alternative to traditional school.

Answer 1

Unless it's a physical abuse or serious felony issue keep out of it.

Answer 2

Unfortunately you have nuts and kooks in every bunch.   My stepfathers view of homeschoolers are frumpy older moms in denim jumpers with homely goofy looking kids that are geeks...  well - his view changed when I started homeschooling - and he met my friends!  granted - there are some I know that fit right in with what his 'view' was!  I know a dear teen that I love to death and his parents drive me batty.  they are so strict with him - yet - they've done a good job raising him and his other siblings.  

all you can do is be the best example you can be, and if they ask you for help - be ready to share with them how they could improve their relationships.

Answer 3

If these kids were in public school, the public school would be very sensitive in handling the problem.   Basically, there would very little that the public school could do to address bad parenting.   There is very little you can do other than be a good example and reach out socially to these kids.

Answer 4

I would consider it none of my business. Family issues occur in every situation, homeschoolers, public schoolers, big families, little families, Christian or Jewish or whatever. To see it as a reflection on yourself homeschooling is probably taking too much personally. Anyone who would judge all homeschoolers based on just one or two families, is looking for reasons to judge homeschoolers. Does that make sense?

It is especially difficult if they have no qualms about how things are going. It's not school per se, it's relationships and you really can't get into that without implying that they are bad people (because that's how most people take suggestions for change)

What *I* would do in that situation would be to get close and see if they need help. Be a friend. Offer support, without strings of course. Don't offer advice, but listen. If they ask, you could gently explain how you would handle it. Ask if they want to join you on field trips. Let them see how you handle it. It might be that they aren't impressed by your parenting. Nothing personal but everyone has ways of doing things. It may not match up with what works for you, but it's a basic freedom.

Answer 5

It is unfortunate, and we all have to deal with it, but you have to consider there are many people in a community that are poor reflections on many things.

It happens, homeschooling is not immune.

Just do your best, be an example, and people that are interested, will see that those families are not what it is all about.

Of course, anti homeschoolers will take it and run, but you can't control that, *sigh*.

And I, like many others will continue to keep my nose out of other people's personal business unless I see something I know should be reported.

Answer 6

Honey,

Might I ask how you have been made aware of the situation with these families?

By who's standards are these children falling behind? Your's? the state's?

And who amongst us doesn't occasionally have parent-child relationship problems?

If you are friends with these families and it is the children's academics that your are concerned with, you could always talk to the "schooling parent" and see if it may be a case of burn out.......an offer to school their children, along with your own, for a week or two may give them a much needed break.

If you aren't close enough to these families to make this offer, you probably aren't close enough to know the truth of whether or not they are actually falling behind,

And again I'd have to ask, falling behind by who's standards?

Part of the real magic of home schooling is the ability to put academics on hold for short terms and immerse yourself and your children in life and common sense lessons.  Both are needed to carry one through to becoming a responsible, caring adult.

If you aren't close enough to offer assistance, then it is a sure thing you should just MYOB.

Answer 7

hey honey, there's not much you can do. i had the same situation where there was a sister in my community "homeschooling" her kids and they can't even read and write. i mean you know homeschooling is a cgood opportunity and all you can do is either mind your own business or offer your assistance by doing it together or teaching the kids yourself if that's an option. i mean it's their kids education and if they're not too concern a/b it,you can't worry a/b it. not everyone is cut out for homeschooling. we tried saying something to the sister here but it fell on deaf ears and now she's moved overseas. i feel really bad for her children.

Answer 8

Yes, it is annoying when you think that others are giving homeschooling a bad name .... but ....

    (a) Those people who choose to believe that ALL homeschoolers are doing as badly as that one family - probably won't think that all school kids are doing badly when they meet one (or a thousand?) who are doing worse. - That is, they are - choosing - to notice that family rather than (the good example of) your family;

    (b) That "bad" homeschooling family may not be doing as badly as you think (.You can't be sure unless you're a fly on their wall);

    (c) What guarantee is there, that those kids would be doing any better if they were in school? (Over the years I have seen a few kids doing "less than great" in their homeschooling - who did even worse when sent back to school); and

    (d) If they really are doing badly, the kids will probably be sent back to school soon - by their own parents. - Homeschooling is a lot of work, and if it's not going well, the parents are more likely to give up & take the easier option of sending the kids back to school.

    Whatever the true situation is, unless you have proof of abuse, then I think that your responsibility lies in doing your best - in your own home - rather than in deciding what others should do. :-)

    Regards,

    Rosalind.

Answer 9

This is not a home school issue, parents have had to deal with these issues for as long as anyone can remember.

Parents who have problems with their children that attend conventional schools have such spill overs in schools, and the work place as well.

One cannot simply turn these problems off when it is time for school, or work, and pick it back up when they return home.

Are there any specific laws to address this issue regulating these families??

First of all you never know the whole story, and interfering with other peoples parenting is not what we are/were mend to do.

How can we judge who is doing a poor, or good job at schooling, or parenting?

Have you ever heard that children no matter how well they were/are raised are going to make choices; sometimes to the delight of, and often to the dismay of the parents.

For heavens sake let us not overlook a young persons power of choice.

Parents are often left with two choices, fight and control, or allow natural consequences to be the co-teacher...

Who are we to say which is the best approach in any situation other than our own...

Unless the parents ask for advice, solicit your input, and there is no immediate danger to anyone in the family; yes I belief neighbor's should leave well enough alone.

Home schooling is part of a families life style choice, and anything they do in their own home will never reflect badly on other home schoolers, otherwise just about everything that is part of daily school life, and the falling behind  that takes place in the  traditional schools should also reflect badly on the whole community

Answer 10

I would keep my nose out of it (actually, I DO keep my nose out of it--I know at least a few families whose quality of homeschooling I question, but oh well) unless there were abuse or something reportable. That those families have a bad reputation may make things more uncomfortable for you, but then that's you focusing on yourself, not on that family. Be your own example and forget those who aren't good examples.

Answer 11

I would elect to stay out of it. You already seem too personal. Homeschooling is hard, especially if they have been in public school in the beginning. Your right, family issues do spill over into homeschooling. It would be a perfect world if Mom could take off her MOM hat, and put on the teacher hat.

Answer 12

Unless they are failing to meet the states minimum standards for homeschooling, there isn't much you can do.

I know that kids in Public School also often do poorly when there are relational problems in the home... Fortunately for the Public School system no one tries to blame on the school system!

I would keep my nose out of it... its not like you can really do much about it anyway.

Answer 13

People that don't care about how their relationship with their kids is, how the guidance and discipline are working (or if they aren't working at all), and that are doing a poor job with the kids shouldn't be allowed to homeschool.

Homeschooling, as I see it, is taking full responsibility for your children. If somebody will take their children out of school, just to throw them to a disfunctional home...well, I think those kids would do better at a regular school.

All families have problems. The difference is that some don't care or do nothing about it. If a family is really disfunctional, they need help.

It depends how your relationship with that family is. If you are a friend, you may try to talk, being objective and trying to listen more than judge.

If there is abuse and/or neglect, there are ways you can help asking for help at the local health agency.

You can try to help the kids if there is something you can do for them.

Maybe the parents are lost and have no clue, they may appreciate that you step in and help.

The best help of all is to listen, not judge, and then offer alternatives, books or suggest activities.

If you are not a friend, the only way to intervene is if there is proof of abuse or neglect.