To add to my previous question, I've met the potential adoptive parent?

Question

and had lunch with them, it was awkward, they studied me up and down, asked me that if I'm really pregnant. I'm only about 4 weeks for God Sakes! Also they had different religion than me, they were muslims, I'm a buddahist. Should I give them another chance? both of them are computer software programers has a house with no other kids.

I feel very alone in this situation since I don't have a partner, and I felt judged. Adoption is such a humble experience for anyone, how can I just surrender my child to someone I don't even know?

Answer 1

I am in the process of the same situation.  I just had lunch with the couple I have picked a few days ago.  I feel totally at ease with them and I had hit it off right away when I had met them a few weeks ago.  If you are feeling uncomfortable around them FIND SOMEONE ELSE!  Make sure you feel at ease with them and not something to study.  Clearly these people are looking at you as nothing more than an incubator.  Whoever you are going through to find the adoptive couple, tell them to let you look some more.  You got nine months.  I was seven months when I decided to give my baby up.  The ball is already rolling and will be done by the time the baby is 48 hours old.  

You will know in your heart when you find the right ones.  These people are clearly not it.

Answer 2

If you don't feel comfortable with this couple, then continue looking. Find a family that makes you feel absolutely comfortable, that doesn't make you feel like you're judged and that makes you feel like you've made the right choice.  You could give them another chance, schedule another meeting, but if you're still not feeling 100% about them, then keep looking. You should definitely not be judged, especially if it's because you don't have a partner. If the couple has made you feel uncomfortable or in any way less of a person, then they're not the couple for you or your baby.

When I chose the adoptive family, I met them many times before my daughter was born. We met at least once a week for the last couple months of my pregnancy. I had to get to know them, know who they were and what kind of people they were. I couldn't feel completely comfortable with them until I'd gotten to know them and knew that they would take great care of my daughter.

Answer 3

dont just take the first couple that comes along if you feel uneasy. you have 8 more months to find the match that will leave you feeling secure in your choice.

Answer 4

I agree with everyone else, if you felt judged and awkward, then these are NOT the right parents for your child!  You have plenty of time to keep looking.  Try not to rush into anything.

Answer 5

Call a local private adoption agency.  They can pre-screen the couples based on specifically what YOU want.  Then you can look at profiles of possible parents and choose the ones you want to meet.

And, you will not be alone!  You will have a counselor who works with you through every step, and after!

If you need help finding a good agency, let me know, and I will help you.

Answer 6

You just have to know in your heart that it is the right thing to do for you and your child.  I was adopted when i was 5 days old and it has made my life very different.  I miss my mom very much but i have faith i will get to see her someday. She knew it was the right/best thing for me.  Think about your kid.

Answer 7

you can't.  that's why if you don't feel comfortable with this couple, then they are probably not the ones.  my mom said she knew when she met my adoptive parents, that they were the ones.  she felt comfortable with them, they could talk about anything.  asking any question, no matter what is was, was okay.

keep interviewing....you'll find the right family soon enough.  don't stress too much, you have time.

hang in there.  *hugs*

Answer 8

Understandable that they want to know if you were really pregnant since you’re not very far along, they couldn’t tell if you were or not.  There are people out there that do scam people who are looking to adopt.  As far as their religion that’s really just something you have to decide if you rather put child with people who are of the same religion and faith that you are. I am bit surprised you already meeting with potential adoptive parents most birthmothers I have seen are least in their 2nd trimester.  

If you don’t feel this couple is for you keep looking believe me there is not shortage of people waiting to adopt a newborn infant.  

You should also be sure you want to place baby for adoption, its not really fair to toy a prospective couple/person a long and then decide not to give child to them. Or even worse give them the baby they have it for a spell(few weeks or even months) and birthparent(s) decided to reclaim.

Answer 9

It is a judgment that you are going to have to make on your own.  

If you feel and know that you can not fully support this child to the best of your abilities and this child's well-being over comes your own then quite possibly adoption is best.  

However, if the supposively "potential adoptive parents" made you feel uncomfortable in any way then they are not the right ones for you to choose.  

If you are seriously considering putting your child up for adoption then you need to pick the parents that make you feel relaxed and welcomed in their presence.  

You do not need to feel judged for your decision.  They may ask you why you are choosing adoption for your child and this is a question you need to answer honestly to them.

The parents that you choose for your child will make you feel welcomed and relaxed.  Almost like part of their family!  Choose wisely and carefully!  

Good Luck on your search!

Answer 10

By law since you know who the father is of this baby he must be informed you can not leaally give your child up for adoption without him signing over his rights. Your father is trying to look out for you but this is something you have to live with for the rest of your life. Just by you asking total strangers their opinion leads me to believe you want this baby.

Answer 11

They don't sound like the right couple for you. Are you working with an agency or doing this on your own? If doing it on your own, come up with a list of questions, things that are important to you, and send them to any prospective parents via US Mail from a PO box. Only agree to meet with those who answer every question in a way you find agreeable for your child.

Answer 12

Obviously you have been thinking about this long and hard, I wanted to give my baby up for adoption before he was born, as I was 17, but didn't and I'm soooo glad I didn't, I love everyone of his little smiles and the way he yells mum mum when I walk in the room.

But you need to pick a family very carefully think about what they will offer the child all throughout life and make sure they are honest and stable. Your only four weeks, so I wouldn't go signing any contracts just yet, wait till you feel it kick and hear its heartbeat.

This probaly doesn't help much but go with your instincts

Answer 13

If you don't feel comfortable with them, maybe you should check some other potential parents out. That is what I would do.

Some people's personility clashes.  If religion is important to you, you need to find someone with your same beliefs that way you have that to feel better about and it is one less obsticle to over come.

I am not sure why they would ask you if you were preganant, clearly you wouldn't just meet them for the hect of it! That would bother me.

To me, I would want my child to grow up in a family with other children so they get the whole experience. I would definately express interest in further child adoption later on, if I could still contact if I chose to do so.

Your doing a good thing and I can imagine it would be pretty tough when your alone in the process.

Answer 14

I just had a few minutes to check the questions tonight and came across yours and had to respond.  I'm sorry if this has already been mentioned because I don't have time tonight to read all of the responses.

However, as an adoptive parent, I can say that what may have seemed as a "judgmental" vibe from the potential adoptive parents may have really been the potential adoptive parents having their guard up.  After all, you could potentially change your mind at any moment between now and the time your state allows for revocation (which is after the birth and in most states after the baby has been in the adoptive parent's custody and living in their home).  This couple is and will be protecting their hearts fiercely during this process.  It is nothing against you.  But, many potential adoptive parents have been heartbroken too many times by promises of a child (we had four failed adoptive situations before meeting our children's birthmother).

Also, because you are so early in your pregnancy, there is just that much more time for them to be concerned.  This will be a long wait for them.  Many potential birthparents don't choose a couple until a few weeks before giving birth.

With all of this being said, I do want to say if you do not feel comfortable with them, then maybe it's not the right match.  Our children's birthmom and I clicked immediately the first time we spoke on the phone.  We both felt it was right.

I do wish you the best.  I'm also eager to follow your journey.  Please keep us/me posted!

Answer 15

First, you need to trust your gut instinct.  If you were not comfortable, you will never get over that.  I would suggest that you contact a local adoption agency to discuss options available to you.  Most reputable adoption agencies would provide you with a no obligation session to discuss what types of adoption are available and help you to find a good match if you choose to go that route.  There is typically no cost to the birth mother.  You need to be able to talk to someone who can help you through this process to make sure that you are comfortable with the decisions you are making.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 16

do not feel like you are now committed to this couple. you have the right to visit with as many other potential families as you wish. you are the mother of your child right now and you must do what you feel comfortable doing. if something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. are you using an agency? if so, they should have birthparent advocates who can help feel like you are not alone. my birthparent advocate was amazing. she made me feel so at ease and really help me throughout my entire situation. a birthparent advocate can really help you sort out you emotions of "surrendering" your child. if you are not using an agency, please look into it. they will help you financially and emotionally. since you have almost 8 mos. left to go, you have more than enough time to make a plan for adoption iwith the family you feel most comfortable with or decide to raise your child yourself. good luck!

Answer 17

I gave up twin girls for adoption 4 years ago, so I know what you are feeling. Trust your intuition.  The couple that adopted my daughters are wonderful, and I knew immediately that they were the right ones.  I felt at ease right off and they promised to keep in touch and have kept their promise, plus some!  You have to make a decision that you can live with forever, so be sure your heart is in it.  The parents of my twins are Christian and I am, as well, but we went through Jewish Family Services for the adoption.  I do not know anything about your religion but the only thing that helped me (as I kept the girls 1 month before giving them up) was turning to God and simply saying "God Help Me."  He lifted me up, guided my path and gave me strength to get through it and I have turned my life around since then.  Again, do not do anything you are not comfortable with - you will live with regrets if you do. I admire you for giving up your baby and not having an abortion as so many do!  You are a strong person and obviously thinking of your child first, which is so admirable. You will be in my prayers.

Answer 18

I think you should wait untill you find a family you're completely comfortable with and have no bad/awkward feelings towards.

Answer 19

Hi MoMo, like some others said here, if you don't get a good feeling of the parents, they are not for you. You have lots of time to find other, better parents for your baby. If you felt like they were studying you "up and down", don't go for them. Instincts have served to save us from our logic often enough to listen to them. Also, if you are uncomfortable with their different religion, it will be another thing that you will regret in the long term. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of couples waiting for a baby, look at them too. Have you contacted any adoption agencies? (I am assuming this is the couple your parents have introduced to you.)

As for just surrendering the child, think of it this way - will the child have a healthy, happy childhood? Will the child have a good chance of good education? Decent living place? Safe environment? If the answer is yes (regardless of the fact that your parents will be "shamed"), then you might want to consider keeping your baby. It's obvious you are already attached to your child; you really need to consider open adoption if the answer to even one of the above question is "no".

Answer 20

e-mail me i was in your same situation. been through the whole finding good people who want to adopt and such. if your serious and you need someone to talk to just click on my pic and send me an e-mail.

Answer 21

Take your time and follow your heart.  Maybe that family isn't right for your child.  My sister can't have children and believe me she would accept any child regardless of s*x, race religion ect.  Do what you need to do and if adoption is what you choose make sure you find parents that w/ love your child unconditionally.  Also I applaud you for considering adoption rather than abortion.

Answer 22

I didnt see the previous question, but if you didnt get an absolutely WONDERFUL feeling from these people keep looking until you find someone that you love. You will know when it is right, trust you heart you will know. Good Luck!

Answer 23

I'm sorry if this comes off wrong, but, don't give up your baby.  It is a blessing from the Lord; and you don't know if you'll be able to have kids in the future.  I am 31 years old.  Never been pregnant; and when I married at 25, my husband and I tried to have a baby for about 3 years... no luck, b/c I found out I had endometrosis... now I can't have any babies.  You don't know how blessed you are to be carrying a life that's YOURS!  I'm not saying disrespect your parents, but, you're grown... you need to start making some decisions for you and your child; and as hard as it may be, you may have to take a break from college and get a full-time job and go to college part-time.  Get your own house and start a life for yourself.  You may have to cut ties with your fam until they can become more sensitive to the issue at hand.  I pray that you make the right decision... don't just think about today... think about the long run and the decision you will make.  God bless you!