To adopt did you have adoption/gotcha day parties? Did help you feel special about being adopted?

Question

To adopt did you have adoption/gotcha day parties? Did help you feel special about being adopted?

Answer 1

i think its a great idea to have gotcha parties. its an easy way to tell kids they were adopted if they dont remember or dont understand.  its a way to tell kids that being adopted is a good and positive thing.

Answer 2

Every year, as a family, we "celebrate" what we call "Welcome Home Day" which is the day our son came to live with us.  We do not have a party or a cake but rather spend it as a day together doing something "family oriented" and focusing on how our family was created because of adoption.  It gives us an opportunity to have our son understand adoption in an age appropriate way.  I must admit that I have bought him a gift every year for that day - but it isn't like a birthday or Christmas.  I will find books about family and love and that is what he receives that day.  For us, it's a different situation because we do not have any other children so we are not singling out our son.  Ironically, our son's bio grandparents send him a card every year for Welcome Home Day as well as a card for the day we finalized the adoption.

ETA:  Another person noted that you would not celebrate a friend's loss of a spouse.  For the record, while I may not celebrate that type of loss, if the friend re-married, I would celebrate that - so in essence, that is what I am doing with our son also.

Answer 3

We were very excited the day we formally adopted my son. We went out to eat with our family and just enjoyed the day. However, we won't celebrate it every year. We might mention that this is the day we adopted our son, but I would think to actually celebrate every year would make him feel different. I think we will just stick to birthdays.

Answer 4

We want to have a party, but we want it before the kids come, as a rite of passage where everyone gives you unsolicited parenting advice over cake..just something we want to do for us.

For the kids I don't think we will have a party for them at the beginning...my family would be too overwhemling, I think I will introduce a few at a time!

Hmm, one more thing to add though......our children will be older and coming as a group...we will be spending six weeks seeing them 3 times per week before they come to our home....so I may just ask what they want for a special supper the first night.....

Also given that we are taking three, the finalization of the adoption is not until one year later in our province, so perhaps at that time the children may want a celebration as we will not be strangers at that time but actual parents.

Answer 5

Last year was our first year the hubby and I purchased a special book that reflected the spirit of our daughters personality...."Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott.

We each wrote a personal note inside.

We still have not decided what book to pick this year.....but leaning toward  "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"  L. Frank Baum

Answer 6

The anniversary of the day our newest kiddos move in we honor our bio kiddos.  The anniversary of finalization we honor our newest kiddos.  We keep the honors simple and remember how far we have come as a family!

Answer 7

We didn't have parties.

I felt different enough - I'm glad they didn't hold separate parties to harp on my adoption.

I was always told I was 'special & chosen' - and that felt odd to me - as my mother didn't keep me - so I didn't feel 'that' special really.

I just wanted to belong. I don't think a special party would have helped.

And as an adult - I truly dislike the whole - 'gotcha day' thing.

Why would you want to celebrate the day that a child gets plugged into a house full of strangers?? And too often looses all connection with his/her former family??

Such a party would be more for the adults' needs - and not that of the adoptee.

Just my honest opinion.

Answer 8

What a horrible term.  I really feel for you Americans, not only are you denied your OBC, but now "Gotcha Days".  No wonder your adoptees are so disgruntled.  

As an aparent, I am also not sure about these sorts of celebrations.  I know lots of families do celebrate the day they became a family, but we have a different term for it here in Oz.  Our family personally do not celebrate it.  When we pass the courthouse where their adoption was finalise, I will mention it to them.  My kids also love watching the video and looking at pictures of when we first met.   I think kids will eventually understand the concept of adoption, so we didn't think it was necessary to mark a special day of it annually.  The only thing we do for our kids in regards to adoption is to make sure they know where they came from.  I have even managed to obtain both their OBC's (which I know is important to adoptees) so it is there when they want it.  Other than that it's just birthdays and Christmas.  I do tell my kids they are special to me, and when my son ask's why he is special, I tell him its because I love him and he is so cute, then we wrestle, i tickle him and he goes to bed happy.

Answer 9

I'm a bit foul tonight, consider yourselves warned.

Why on earth would you celebrate something that makes another person stick out like a sore thumb? It may be happy to the APs, that they finally got their wish but what about the adoptee? Here little Johnny! This is your new family and every year your new aunt Hilda is going to pinch your cheeks and tell you about how special you are to be adopted! Oh goody a special day to remember how special you are!.. a special day to remember that you weren't born into this family like everyone else.

Hmph. Society and it's need to celebrate differences.

From here on in February the 17 will be HOORAY YOU HAVE SENSORY INTEGRATION DISORDER DAY! Whoopee! Maybe by this time next year I can set a date for YIPEE YOU HAVE AUTISM DAY! I'm sure that will make Payton feel super duper SPECIAL each and every year.

Answer 10

We did have an adoption party.  After court, we all went out to dinner.  On the anniversary of her adoption day we give her a book about adoption with a note inside telling how lucky we are to be her parents.  Her sisters do the same with their book and each writes a special message of how lucky they are to have her as a sister.  Its just a simple and sweet way of acknowledging her adoption and letting her know how much we love and appreciate her

Answer 11

I'm really glad to hear happymom say that in training they learned these aren't appropriate.  I would have been so uncomfortable with something like this growing up.  Celebrate my birthday, be willing to talk about my adoption in a realistic manner, but let's not make a celebration out of it, thank you.

Besides, I'm with Heather.  Gotcha sounds like what someone says when they squash a bug or catch an animal.  Not very appealing.  

I think my adoptive parents went about it the right way.

Answer 12

Good God no!   I would have HATED any kind of celebration of the day that I was adopted.  These kind of parties weren't popular until recently, but I'd like to think that my parents wouldn't have tortured me this way.  For the most part, my parents have always been quite sensitive to my feelings and I think they would have known that this wouldn't have been a good idea.

Answer 13

Emily was nine months old when her adoption was finalized and we took the grandparents to court with us and had other family members by the house during the remainder of the day to eat and hit the pool with us.  We do not celebrate this day every year, but we do talk about the day Emily came home with us and became a member of our family, even if the apaperwork was not finished.

Answer 14

No. And the term 'Gotcha' sounds like you just trapped a frightened animal - how can that make anyone feel 'special'  ick ick ick

My parents threw a party.  I cried the whole time.  Not surprising when you consider my mother had disappeared, my foster carer had disappeared and now I was surrounded by a room full of strangers gawping at me and expecting me to be happy

eta.  I told a lie, it wasn't my parents who threw the party, it was the neighbors

Answer 15

We did not have any kind of "gottcha" day celebration or party at the time our children came home or any other year since...

We were well trained in transitions and it was not appropriate to have that sort of party. We did have a one-year-old birthday party for our youngest 3-days after we all became a family but it was very small, short and only included the most close members of the family.

During the five years since we have not celebrated the day mostly because ALL of our Birthdays are within the 30 day after Chirstmas and the day we became a family is right between two of the birthdays!?

We do make a mention of it... We do say, "This is the day we became a family ___ years ago...."

As adoptive parents we tend to see the day We Found Out we were selected as the pre-adoptive parents for our kids as our personal day of celebration.... and we view the finalization day as a ceremony we all went to one morning sort of like the graduations we have gone to or weddings... That was the day we all leagally agreed we were a family and made a promise to each other....

But, we have never used any adoption process step as the focus of a party.

I do take my daughter out on what we call "Ashley Day" to remember birth mom. We have done things like plant flowers, or have a picnic or something special to think about birth mom. We usuallly do this on her birthday... Because my daughter remembers her birth mother this is an important day for her.

Answer 16

Thankfully no. It was never celebrated. And my adoptive mom and I disagree on many topics, but this is one we both share the same view on. Gotcha days and gotcha day celebrations are ghoulish, self-congratulatory and insensitive.

Answer 17

Thank heavens, no.  When I hear these things, I am grateful that these kinds of events didn't exist in the 60s.

I would have been humiliated.  Adoption, as all APs should know, is based on loss.  So for this event to be celebrated in any form to me is highlighting a tragedy.

Would you 'celebrate' your friend losing their wife, or maybe their job?  Then why would anyone commemorate the finalization of a child being permanently separated from their family?  Because it's not about the kids, of course.  It's about the adults feeling 'special'.

Answer 18

"gotcha party"  has got to be one of the most stupid terms I have ever heard.  YUCK!  I know these parties are becoming common but I agree with other posters that "gotcha" just seems........wrong.  I don't even know why but I don't like it.  If anyone out there is thinking of having a party please don't call it that.

Sometimes trying hard to make a person feel special just makes them feel different, and most kids don't want to feel "different."  One party is nice for an older child but every year just feels like you are advertising the kids differences. I think it would have made me feel self conscious.  A birthday party suited me just fine.

Answer 19

No, I didn't have an "adoption day" or a "gotcha day" party.  I think I would have felt awful if they had thrown me such a party.  I wasn't terribly fond of birthday parties, so this would have devastated me.

Did I feel special?  I don't think so.  Not in the way I think you mean it.  I mean, I felt special in the sense of different and not fitting in.  Special in a bad way.  But not special in a good way.

Answer 20

We did celebrate my adoption day, but it never called "gotcha day"(that term is so disgusting!) and it was never called adoption day. However that day was reseved to celebrate as a family, so we went to the zoo, parks, or to the circus. YOu know just regular family stuff, it just an excuse for my parents to buy presents. Which i was okay with, because what kid doesn't like presents?!

Answer 21

What the heck are you talking about?  God,  Children are not animals.  Gotcha parties? Get a life.