To adoptive parents or birth mother's who did not honor an open adoption agreement?

Question

Why?

Answer 1

We had an open agreement with my son's bio-family, although now it is only with the bio-grandparents.  Most of that is of the bio parent's own choosing as they walked away from the entire process without looking back (or at least that is what we are told by the grandparents).  

The reason that I answered your question however is because if the bio parents ever showed back up to try to regain the open agreement (before he turns 18 or 21), I would not allow it.  I don't say this to be cruel or mean.  However, I feel that the damage they have inflicted on him thru neglect, etc, and then walking away from the open adoption completely, is too much for him at a young age to understand.  I believe that you are either in his life or you aren't.  They do not have the right to choose when it is convenient for them, so that is why I would not honor the agreement with the bio-parents (if they came back).  

Just my thoughts.

Answer 2

As a first mom, some may find it emotionally too hard to keep the adoption open.  To have to walk on egg shells in the hope that the door will not be slammed shut on you.  To have the pictures stop, the letters stop.

In order to take care of ourselves sometimes we have to make the really hard decision to step away or lose ourself completely.

Answer 3

I have worked independently with birthmothers and adoptive parents for 20 years.  To my surprise, the majority of birthmothers did not keep up with the open plan.  This was disappointing to most adoptive parents, who wanted this relationship, for their child and themselves.  Most birthmothers stated the reason for not keeping up was not wanting to interfere in the child's life, needing to move on, and too painful.

Answer 4

I don't know why, but you can probably file a lawsuit. If an open adoption was agreed upon, there should have been a lawyer present and legal documentation.

Answer 5

I am neither but I ask myself this question all the time when I see my young cousin struggling because the adoptive parents chose to move away without informing her and refuse to honor their agreement.  

What no one admits in the adoption industry is that adoptive parents close the adoption within 2 years a MAJORITY of the time.  In fact, many adoptive parents claim to want an "open" adoption only to lure the Mother into a false sense of security with them.  Once she gives birth and relinquishes the child, the adoptive parents refuse to honor their agreement and there's NOTHING that the Mother can do about it.  It's horrible.

Peace,

Jenn

Answer 6

Alright this question isn't addressed to me, but peeps speak on behalf of adoptees all the time on here, so I guess I feel welcome to do the same.

Here's an interesting link about open adoptions http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adopti...

Answer 7

I am answering on behalf of my daughter's best friend who was forced to relinquish her child by her parents in about 2002.  The adoptive parents never had any intention of honoring the open adoption agreement and worked through their lawyer to hide their contact information.  They conveniently "disappeared" before they had to send one stinking picture.  Open adoption is not legally enforceable in our state.

I also have a co-worker who openly brags about how she cheats "her birthmother" out of contact with the child she stole from her with the collusion of the grandparents.

I think that many natural families break off contact because they find that the promises of the joys of open adoption being win/win and thus "easier" on the natural family are lies.  They realize that open adoption is still adoption with the inhernet loss.  It is just too painful to get crumbs from the table of someone else's joy.  And, yes, there are some natural families who just "move on".  Regardless, of why, it is so sad for the child.

Answer 8

that is a question that will have a different answer for each person. People have their own reasons for doing things and they are not always fair or make sense. Some people just don't keep their word