To all adopted kids and adults. I was thinking of adopting and just would like to?

Question

know the feelings of the child adopted as a baby or as older. I would be all for them finding their parents when they turn 18 but I am afraid I would feel like they may not think of me as their parent as much anymore.

Answer 1

sweetie it is nothing like that. i have known for years i was adopted and even if i wanted to know who my bio folks were i would always love my mom and dad bc there the ones who brought me up and gave me love. mom was there when i needed girly talk or to know how to cook lasagne,she tucked me in a nite and was there everymorning,my dad taught me to play softball,hunt,ride a bike and was the one who darred those guys to ask to take me to prom or on a date..lol, its not about who gave birth to you its about who loved you no matter how good or bad you were and who was always there for you. yes some children may have intrest in finding the birth parent BUT they can never hold a candle to the love that YOURE child will hold in there heart for you...its simply non replacable!!!!!!

Answer 2

l'm an 'adoptee' (l hate that word!), and from my perspective, don't worry, you will be your child's mother.  l've always known l was adopted, when other kids learned thier birth stories, l learned my adoption story-it was no different to any of my friends.  My parents were great, they always told me that l could find my birth 'parents' if and when l wanted to, and they would help as much as possible.  You know what?  l never wanted to!  l wasn't actively against it, it just never crossed my mind.  Anyways, by bio 'parents' sought me out when l was 20, and l agreed to meet them, and it was fine, they are lovely people, but l have no relationship with them, more like a friendship like any of my other friends.  l think it's because my parents were always so loving and open, adoption was celebrated in my family, not kept a secret.....l had 2 birthdays, 1 for the day l came into the world, 1 for the day l came into my family.  lf your intentions and actions are right, you will never ever lose your child.  DNA makes a child, but love keeps one.

Answer 3

I was adopted when I was 3 yrs old by my grandparents and I loved it untill my grandfather died at when I was 12 and then I went into foster care when I was 14 yrs old I had one family that wanted to adopt me when I was 16 but I chose not to be adopted.my honest opinion is regardless of whose the bio-mother is, if you were the one who raised them and cared for them they will know that because that is who they are.but no matter what you will always be the mother.a mother is not someone who just gives birth! A mother is a provider of everything from love to hugs and frowns to smiles.my suggestion is to try to meet the birth parents/parent and ask for pictures of the parents for the future when the child does ask about them, and if the reason of the parents putting the child up for adoption is reasonable to tell the child then I would tell him/her.but try to hold off to tell the child untill him/her is old enough to understand.

Answer 4

i am comfortable being adopted. i found my birthmother about 7 years ago and it was a great experience. i still have contact and she is a big part of my life. BUT she is NOT  my mom. i address her by her first name and thats that.

my parents are the ones that raised me, cared for me, provided for me. she gave me life, but they gave me A life.

i sometimes felt a little odd growing up, i was the only person in my school that was adopted and my family is about as opposite of me as possible. they are quiet, country people. never argue, get into trouble, etc..

me, i was all about music, talking, art, going out to see the world. they kind of thought i was crazy.but all turned out well.

be honest with the baby from day one. never hide his or hers adoption. i have met many that this was hidden from until later in life when they would "understand better". it really messed them up. they started to question everything about themselves and their life. it can really rattle a persons view of themselves.

personally, being adopted to me is no big deal. i have a few cousins that are a little 'unsavory' and i always joke about how im adopted and i do not share a gene pool with them. its ok to laugh at what makes us different.

you will be mom, no bloodline can take that away from you.

good luck

Answer 5

You probably will feel like that but by the time you have put 18 years into loving them unconditionally I don't think you will take it as hard as you think. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow and just love them today.

Answer 6

I was adopted as a baby and I consider my adopted parents my "REAL" parents. They were the ones that fed and clothed me and loved me all their lives. I had no problems knowing I was adopted. I wondered at times, but it was mostly for medical reasons.

I had a friend who was adopted at age 8. She has had and still has problems with it. I guess being able to remember your biological family, and why they gave you up, is hard.

Both my adoptive parents have passed away. After my mother died 7 years ago, I found my biological mother. It wasnt one of those reunions you see on tv where everyone hugged each other and cried. Dont get me wrong, I love my biological mother, but she is not my real mom, and I still do not call her mom. I dont hold any grudges towards her, she had her reasons for giving me up, and I am glad she did, seeing the family she has now. I had a much better life in every sense of the word.

I hope I made sense to you. I guess what I am trying to say is that any child you love as your own and raise as your own, will love you, and to them, you will be their MOTHER..

Answer 7

No. Not me. I am adopted. My parents did such a great job with the whole adoption thing. I always knew I was adopted. I can't ever remember the moment they told me. I can't ever remember feeling bad. So they did a great job with making me feel special and part of their lives. Because of this, I never went looking for my "birth" family. You know, anybody can be a mother or father, but being a mom and dad takes special people. If you don't hide it and make it a total shock to your adoptive baby, they will see that. Don't worry about them meeting their adoptive family and thinking they are mom and dad. It won't be that way. Your child will have that special bond with you! I met my birth sister. I still can't say she is my sister. She is my birth sister. She tells me she loves me all the time, but still, to me... she is a stranger. It is such a weird thing. If you handle it right (tell them when they are young and in a way a child will accept it), your child will be fine with it and won't have hard feelings when they grow up. People who feel the need to search and find thier birth families when they are older are people who are missing something in their lives. They are looking for that "ideal" mom or dad or for something they missed growing up. Almost all reunions I have witnessed, never really ended the way the adoptive person thought it should have gone. People go into these things with an idea of what their birth families are like, and when they meet them, they see first hand why they were given up. It is a shock. In our minds, everything always looks better. Anyway, just thought I would put my two cents worth in there. I am not saying this goes for everyone. But that is just my experience with adoption and my experience with going with six other friends who are adopted on their first meetings with birth families.

Answer 8

Whether a child is your biological own, or your adopted own, you can only serve as their carriers. You can do your best as a nurturer, but giving birth to a child doesnt guarantee a good relationship, what does is the effort you put into parenting.

Dont worry all these doubts only come in before adoption and not after. We adopted a baby boy two years ago, we have biological children as well. We can only hope that all our children grow up into loving conscientious adults...leave the rest to providence.

Answer 9

I was adopted as an infant.  Pretty normal typical family.  It would take too much time to describe feelings adoptee's go through during their life here so if you want more email me and I'll spend some more time going in depth.  As for my parents, they are who they are.  I have one set that I refer to as my mom and dad and I have my birthmom who I refer to as Gail.  Although she gave me life we are strangers, who unfortunately will never get a chance to know each other (she died of health problems several years ago).  When I discussed searching (I was in my late 20's) with my mom her concern was me not getting hurt.  I was concerned she would be hurt by me searching.  I let her know that no matter what I love her and she will never be anything other than Mom to me.  She was there when I was sick or got a skinne knee, to throw birthday parties, watch me compete, see me go on my first date, go off to college and even get married and have my own kids.  But just as mom taught me my life has plenty of room to share and love others.  My attempt to do this with my birthmom will never happen but I have connected with her mom (my birth grandmother).  Yes we are connected but it has taken a lot of effort on my part to feel emotional about her as she is a stranger.  Me caring for her is different than with my family but there is room for both.  If you adopt always be open with your child.  Just be you and be a parent who teaches love, compassion and kindness and you will have nothing to worry about.  Even when your child throws the I don't like you your not my mom card, they don't mean it.  It's just a child's way of trying to hurt you.  This is no different than what biological children do but it can make you more sensitive and feel like insecure because you aren't biologically related.  Biology isn't everything.  Loving and raising a child is.

Answer 10

Hi, I am a 32 year old woman who was adopted at 7months. I just found my birth mother. First let me just say, you will always be the childs "mom". I felt that I had to find my birth mother because I always wondered about her. I needed to know the story of me in order to feel complete. I was worried that she would not want any contact with me but I would have rather try to find her and have her tell me she wanted no contact than to never look for her and alway wonder if she was waiting for me. Now that I have found her, we email occassionaly and that is fine for me. She has told me what happened and that is really all I wanted. She is a stranger to me and can never be my "mom". Also, my parents told me I was adopted at a very young age. I dont actually remember them telling me it was just something I grew up knowing and we could talk about openly. Dont ever feel like your child will need you less if they find their birth parent. It is a natural curiosity but thats all. My mom was very supportive when I was looking for my birth mother and I was glad to have her there to talk to and to sort out my feelings. Good luck.

Answer 11

I was adopted by my aunt and uncle when I was 3 days old.  I have known since I was 6 that I was adopted.  My birthmom, whom I have all my life referred to as my aunt, and I have a wonderful relationship and I thank her everyday for wanting me to have a better life than she could have provided for me.  Your adopted parents will always be your mom and dad.  I know some people that call their bio parents by their first names.