To all the mamas?

Question

Here is the situation. You get pregnant, the man becomes violent, you end the relationship. You have to get a restraining order due to all the harrassment. You then get married to an ex and have a wonderful relationship. Your husband accepts the baby as his own. The biological father does not fight the restraining order or make any attempt to have contact with the child. The restraining order runs out, if the biological father tries to make contact do you let him?? Also the child will know the truth as soon as she is old enough to even partially understand?

Answer 1

I know a few people where the mom lied and they found out when they were in their teens that dad isn't really dad.  It hurts especially at that age.  They all find out.  So I agree with you make sure that your baby understands that dad isn't biological and let them see him but make rules go through court and do it the right way.  If he tries to hurt you or the child report it right away and he can have visitation rights or even monitored visitation rights.  Good luck and congrats on finding a good relationship.

Answer 2

If the ex is on the birth certificate, there is no reason for the child to know.  Sounds like he is dangerous and the child should never be around him.  Sperm and egg do not make a parent, people who love, care and raise the child do.  Same with adoptive parents, they ARE the parents.  Biology has nothing to do with it.

Answer 3

if you fail to allow the biological father contact with his child when the restraining order ends you are violating the law and you could be in trouble.

If the biological father hasn't made any attempt to contact you or the child, you should consider contacting him and asking him if your husband can adopt the child.  That legally releases him from any obligation and you then don't have any legal need for him to contact the child.

Answer 4

Heck no, you don't. How long has it been since the baby was born. After two years (in PA) of no contact with the child it is considered abandonment and you can have his rights terminated. If this is the case DO IT as soon as possible, preferably before the PFA runs out. If it is not, as soon as it hits 2  yrs, 1 day, file it. If he was willing to become violent while the baby was in you chances are he won't be mr. nice guy to him/her now. Heck, the best thing you could have done was either left the space for dad on the birth certificate blank if you were single when the child was born or place your new hubbies name in it's place. If it is blank, have your hubbies name placed on it and right this other guy off quick.

In reference to thunder's response: The only way you would be violating the law is if there is a pre-existing custody order declaring that the bio father (sperm donor) has visitation. If there is not, you do not have to let him see the child. If you do decide to allow visitation, which I wouldn't if I were  you, make sure there is an order in place before doing so otherwise he could keep your child from you then.

Final edit: Then it's cut and dry, don't let him near her at all. You don't ever have to let her meet him because, quite frankly, just because she shares DNA w/him does not make him her father. Look at sperm banks, I highly doubt any of those women who get help from sperm donors debate whether or not their child(ren) should meet their bio dads. This dirt bag was just a cheaper form of a sperm bank, just more of a pain.

My children's father was the same way but I made the mistake of actually staying w/him and really made a mess of things. Now he has nothing to do w/them and my hubby is adopting my guys as his own. They don't care that he's not blood related, they love him as their father anyway.

Answer 5

what i would do is it u want the child to not know about the other person who u have had fights with and the person u is with loves your child u should get your boyfriend to adopt her not sure how works but if i heard people get adopted the names on birth certificate would change. well i read that if u where adopted ad an adult but i think would be the same with a kid but i am not entirely sure i would maybe try that and check into it.

Answer 6

When the restraining order ends, u can always get another one and get a no contact order on top of it.with the restraining order he could only come so far around u and ur child. so if u can't get a restraining order agianst him, u can have at least a no contact order. so he can't call u, send letters, emails etc. .

Once the child is old enough and starts asking questions, thats when u tell he/ she the WHOLE truth. But i would suggest that u don't encourage the child knowing the about the situation unless u feel he/ she is ready and old enough to understand

good luck, god bless

Answer 7

I would NOT let him near the child. I would renew the restraining order if he tries to contact you.

I really believe that a violent person is NOT a safe person to have in your life or in the child's life. As far as I am concerned, your husband is that baby's daddy. Afterall, he is the one who loves you and the child.

I agree with telling the child the partial truth-- her biological father is someone else, but her daddy is your husband. She doesn't need to know about the violence until she is older.

Answer 8

I would allow the biological father with strict conditions which you might even be able to get through court due to the prior situation. But what if he got therapy and changed? Both the child and the father deserve to be able to have a relationship, at least to try it.

Answer 9

I can come at this question from a child's perspective, as this exact situation happened to me. Besides, we all need to know what's best for the kid, right?

It is your job to protect that child---no matter what it takes.  If there is a man who accepts the baby as his own, HE is the father of the child. That child needs to know eventually that he isn't the biological father, but when the child is old enough to make life decisions, that is when he should find out.

I knew early on in life that my biological father was like this, as he tried multiple times to kidnap me, and I spent a few days with him until he ran off for another 2 years. This was so hard on me and my mom.

It boils down to the mom's decision making, but let me tell you, when a child knows that the man that made them doesn't love them, it's hard and it creates some real trauma.