To any of the males who have been deployed...

Question

My ex and I broke things off two months before he deployed. I did some stupid things and he did some stupid things. To make a long story short - after we broke up, he knocked a girl up (his words) and she decided to keep the baby. He decided to get engaged. She had a miscarriage. The relationship is on the rocks (again his words).

He started emailing me recently, it has left me somewhat confused. I don't know why he his telling me these things, but we keep corresponding. He has been addressing things that were wrong in our relationship and apologizing. His most recent statement was, "I think we learned alot from each other."

Why is he choosing to keep in touch with me? Things would be more clear cut if I still didn't have feelings, but I am almost ashamed to admit I do.

I want to stay friends while he is going through all this, and I don't want to ruin any shot we may have in the distant future of being together.

What is the best course of action to take right now? He will be deployed for another ten months.

Answer 1

He keeps in touchh because either he needs something at home to hold onto or he realizes where he went wrong and hopes for the chance to make things better when he returns home.  When you get deployed, you think of home a lot.  You miss many of the things most folks take for granted. A soldier realizes that it'spossiblele that he/she may not make it back and thinks of all the things they "coulda", "woulda" or "shoulda" done.  Everyone needs something or somebody back home  to anchor themselves to.  Something to come home to.  It strengthens the resolve to make it through.  Often that person is whoever they love or felt closest too.  Sounds like that's you.  From what you say, it's doesn't seem like you want to sever ties.  I think you should stain touchch If you think he's sincere.  Try not to get your feelings too wrapped up.  Wait until he gets home for a while before you give the relationship another go.  Sadly, troops go through a lot over there and sometimes return the same person that left.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) effects a lot of us in varying degrees.  Best Wishes!

Answer 2

Canada is a proud home of many Amerikan victims who didn't want to be killed in Iraq.  

Answer 3

I have no idea why he chooses to keep in touch with you.  Perhaps he realized he made mistakes and genuinely wants to make things right.  Perhaps he needs someone he knows to talk to in order to stay grounded while deployed.  Perhaps he doesn't want to come home to no one when he comes home.  I wouldn't completely cut him off, but you should be careful not invest too much emotionally in this right now, because when he comes back, things could just go back to how they were before he left.  So, keep your options open, but don't make any commitments until he's come back and you've had a chance to see him in person for awhile and you're certain things will be different this time.  

Answer 4

It sounds like he is having some second thoughts and is doing a lot of thinking while being deployed on what he should have done or handled differently with respect to his relationship and you.  I would strongly suggest that you both get into marriage counseling and/or he as soon as he gets back and that may give you some answers and help in making a decision as to if you both want to stay together.  Having problems without the added factor of one of you being deployed only makes this all that much more complicated and difficult.  If you both want to try and make this work counseling will probably be the only way for your marriage to have a decent shot at success.  

Answer 5

He's lonely.  Be his friend, but don't get your hopes up about a relationship.

Answer 6

You are his "comfort zone". You didn't say where he was deployed to so I'm guessing Iraq or Afghanistan. Be his friend. He is away from home and in harm's way. He needs to know that someone is at the other end. All troops serving overseas, even in areas not at war, need a lifeline back to "the world" where they know it is safe. Below is a link I hope you will pass on. It's free stuff for today's troops.

Answer 7

You are serving as his rock a stable platform. Continue to entertain his emails and who knows you may the one he really wants he may have just felt obligated to the other women due to the pregnancy. Good luck!

Answer 8

The human mind is a unique organ......It has an ability to remember even embellish the good memories..... and quickly forget the bad.....a good thing or many people would only have ONE child.....

You both are different people now..... not just because of what happened between you but because you have both grown.....changed..... there may be a chance for a new relationship.... a new love.....but you can not do it by mail..... when you get back together .....start all over.....slow.....just like you never met.....just like you were strangers..... because you are

In the mean time enjoy your special friendship..... get to know each other anew....trade dreams and secrets..... only rule..... be honest.....no secrets or lies