To devorced people qestion?

Question

my parents got a divorce and ever since it has RUINED my whole life and my family, i look at my friends family's and think, wow its really great how my family can sit down and have a family dinner all together, and do holidays just like my friends, oh wait we cant. ! BUMMER HOW MY PARENTS RUINED MY LIFE. so i was wondering, do you feel guilty and know that your choices could have effected alot of other people?

Answer 1

I'm sure your parents didn't decide to get a divorce for the sole purpose of ruining your life.  They must have been very unhappy in their marriage to decide it could not be fixed.  So maybe you could just be a little less self-absorbed and start supporting your parents by showing them that you still love them both.  

Novel idea, I know, to think that everything does NOT revolve around you.  But adults have problems too, you know.

Answer 2

That happened to me, too.

Years later, remarriages later, they still weren't happy.

Have you asked them to get back together until you're grown and married.  If they know how important it is to you, it might make a difference to them.

Answer 3

So, what's the answer?

Is it better to live in an environment where the parents are constantly going at each other, creating anger, tension, anxiety, and frustration?

Or, is it better to suffer the stigma and loneliness of being a family member where the marriage failed?

Either way, somebody loses.  Face the facts of this situation, there are several people involved, it's never simple, it's painful to everyone, and people suffer because of it.  

Learn from what you see and experience in life as you grow up.  Don't get involved too early with a girl.  Get a serious education, then get a serious "significant other".  Take your time getting to know someone you might marry.  A year is considered a minimum for courtship and finding out someones true "self".

Guilt never solved anything, except to cause more grief.  So don't feel guilt about this, and do your best not to lay any guilt on your parents.  They are who they are, and no one ever said happiness comes with a guarantee.

I seriously doubt your life is ruined.  You have choices to make here.  Do you use this opportunity to mature early?  Or, do you pout, and grow angrier by the day, till no one can stand to be around you?

Look around you.  The majority of your friends, statistically, have encountered a divorce situation in their lives too.  You are not alone.  If you need someone to talk to and vent your frustration, see your school counselor for advice.

I know it hurts.  I've been there myself.  Don't let it destroy you.  Make it a growth opportunity instead.  Time will do the rest.

Answer 4

Some people do consider the consequences of a divorce. I waited until my children graduated from high school to divorce their father. Once we split up, my children said they wish we had done it sooner. They were happy to see both of their parents living happy lives, even though they weren't together. I guess I'm blessed with kids who aren't selfish and want us to be happy.

Answer 5

My wife of 15 yrs just told me that she wants a divorce, I know this will affect our kids 11, 13 my wife just doesn’t care anymore she said she is going through a selfish phase of her life.  She will be ruining our kid’s lives, and she doesn’t care.

Answer 6

So you'd prefer to sit down to a family dinner and sit there in silence while your parents glare at each other?  Or go on a holiday with them and have it ruined by them fighting all the time?  Make the most of what you have now - believe me, it could be a lot worse.

Answer 7

i am in the same position that you are in.  my parents got divorced when i was 11  .  i was very hard to find out that my dad had been having an affair for 2 years.  it was very hard on my mom, me and my entire family.  seeing friends was also very hard for me. so for about 2 months i got upset and never went to any friends house because i couldnt stand being around families who did all those things (eat dinner together, watching movies)  but after awile i learned that it doesn't matter who lives with you but that they care about you (it sounds corny but its true) now that my dad is remarried i see how happy they are and its nice to know that i have a whole other family that cares about me.