To lock or not to lock

Question

I took a parenting class a couple of years ago, and the teacher suggested switching the lock to the outside of the door of your child's room so that you could lock it from the outside when your child is sent to their room for a time out. I also have a parenting book that suggests locking the door from the outside at bedtime so your child doesn't sleep walk outside. After hearing and reading this, I figured it protected my child, so we have put it into use. Now I have a couple of people telling me that it is considered child abuse, because if something happened and my child couldn't get out of his room, I would be prosecuted. Now I am truly confused. How can two professionals tell me one thing, and two tell me the opposite? How do I know who to believe? It isn't like I am constantly locking my kids in their rooms, I am just trying to protect them? What are your opinions? And please don't bash me, I can tell you the book and page number I read this in if you want!

Answer 1

I do not agree with locking children in their rooms for any reason.  I am the mother of three and a stepson.  One of my own children has a mood disorder.  Because of this we have been to a few different therapists, support groups and read a whole lot of information.  I do not believe in locking children in their rooms because they could harm themselves in there with things that you would not think could hurt them, because it can cause emotional damage to the child, and in case of an emergency they would be stuck in there.  My smallest son that has a mood disorder used to be so quiet when he woke up that I would not know he was awake.  A couple times he made it downstairs and out to the street.  I put combination locks on the doors that go outside at night before we go to bed.  I even had bad vibes about doing that in case of an emergency, so recently I  went online and ordered some door alarms that will sound off loudly if a door is opened.  I am waiting for these to come so we will not have to lock the doors anymore... I would never lock him in his room even with the major behavioral issues that he has.  There are other ways to deal with things.  When he is having a major issue controlling his body such as hitting, kicking, biting, etc.  I have learned from his counsellor how to help him control his body.  I sit on the floor against the wall or cabinet.  I sit him in my lap facing away from me.  I put my arms over and around his arms, and I put his legs straight out... I put my legs over his legs indian style.  This is restraining him, but also helping him control his body when he can not.  Sometimes I need to hold his head with one hand and his wrists with the other because he will be head butting and biting me.  This works for him and sometimes when he feels himself getting wild up he will come to me and say "Mommy I need you help me control my body".  If you want to lock your child in his room please do not... but if you must then just stand right outside the door and put a peep hole in the door so you can see and hear what they are doing in there.  Do not leave from the outside of the door.  Yes this could be considered emotional abuse and neglect if you do leave them alone without supervision in a locked room.  I read doing this in a book I recently went over called 1,2,3 Magic... totally do not agree with this part...  

Answer 2

I would take that lock out. If there was a fire or something, the child would be stuck in their room if you couldn't get to them. He or she could accidentally lock themselves in and you wouldn't know. I'd take it out.

Answer 3

I wouldn't do it personally. What if there is a fire and your child is stuck inside? To me it sounds more like a hazard than a safety device. I am not sure about the legal ramifications, but it could be illegal. And just because a professional recommends something doesn't mean it's always right, or that it is right for your family.

Answer 4

I personally vvouldnt lock my kid in their room, vvhat if there vvas a fire and you couldnt get to their door to unlock it and then they couldnt get out. I guess if you just use it for time out in there room its not that bad, but I still dont see a point, if you child is in trouble and opens there door then put them right back in and shut it, YOU have to put your foot dovvn, not just lock the door because its the easiest thing to do.

Answer 5

Hmm, I wouldn't lock the door from the outside at night for safety reasons.  You could lock it until they fall asleep then unlock it.  Our kid's can lock their doors, but the doors have that little switch where you can insert a tiny flat key or screwdriver and unlock them from the outside, so they cannot truly lock us out.

Answer 6

well...do what u think is best for ur kid and u...as long as ur child is safe...

Answer 7

I have heard changing the lock around but not for punishment reasons .. just to keep them from locking themselves in their room.  I don't know who affective locking kids in their room really is.. I used to be sent to my room all the time and I found things to do and it really wasn't a punishment I just occupied myself with something else.. coloring books, tv, games.. etc

Answer 8

I completely understand trusting your teacher. Especially if it's a parenting teacher. But I have to agree that locking your child in their room with them having no way to get out is not a good idea. I would remove the lock and change it back.  And I know you are just trying to protect your child. You sound like a caring concerned parent. There should be more parents like that in this world.

People are human. It's just like people believing that if your baby isn't breast fed it will have problems...it's a matter of opinion. I'm not sure if it's child abuse per say...But I do think you should change it back.

Answer 9

Ok, first off don't listen to those other ppl. I did the same thing with my son, and it worked. Sadly enough, in today's world, everyone feels that every little thing that you do to your child is abuse! My kids get spanked on the butt with a hand (I don't believe in using anything other than that) and time out. My kids are not going to grow up being rude, and violent like these little thugs that walk around thinking they are tough c**p! I got spanked when I was younger and I feel I am a better person. Think about it, compare kids 10 yrs. ago to now. It's because now kids don't get spanked or disaplined. I say keep doing what you are doing.  

Answer 10

you have to decide for your self how you want to raise or treat your child. there is no such certain "rule" that tells you to lock the door.

if you want to force your child into staying in its room (e.g. if its a child that is hard to handle) then you may considerr locking the door.

but its not a long term solution since your child has to learn how to behave when you give him/her a time-out.

also always remember how you would like to be treated and how you want your child to treat your future grandchildren :)

good luck and its good that your asking about this :)

keep staying a GREAT mom!

x

Answer 11

The parenting classes i took stated that it is ok to use the outside lock during timeouts as long as you are always monitoring from no further than 1 room away so you can hear if something should happen and also need to make sure if there are windows in the room they are secure.  As for night time locking only to be done if your child is a severe sleepwalker that could get into trouble otherwise no locking but if you are worried you can put an alarm on the door so you know if they get out of the room (same with windows in the room).  If there was to be a fire at night and the child couldn't get out and died it would be the parents fault.  If your child isn't a sleepwalker there is no reason to lock the bedroom door at all, and even with a sleepwalker you can use the alarms on the doors and windows just fine.  So basically what i am saying is according to CPS the only acceptable time really to use a lock on the outside is during timeouts if necessary but you should give your child a chance to remain in the bedroom without the lock first because not all kids will try to escape during timeouts.  

Answer 12

I don't lock my son in his room but he isn't able to open the door yet. I like that he is trapped in his room in the mornings it's safer then free roam of the house.What I do to keep peace of mind is I have a tv moniter in his room. If he needs something he will call for me. I can also watch for him in the morning to know when he's awake without disturbing him. If there was a fire in his room I could see and hear it. I don't worry at all.

Answer 13

An answer to your important question.

Please call with any problem, anytime:

Girls and Boys Town "National Hotline"

Phone: [phone]  (toll free)

Email: [e-mail]

Answer 14

I would go with the advice that keeps the children safest (in the event that something should happen).  Ask yourself this, how would you feel if something did (God forbid) happen.  I never even used a playpen for my children, and my son has severe ADHD.  Makes for more difficult parenting, but nobody said it would be easy!!

Answer 15

I am against this - this will scare your children and they will hate their room - I don't believe it disciplines them.  I would want my child to love their room and WANT to spend time in it - like a safe haven.  

There are other ways to deal with this... Just my opinion.  When I send my 4 year old to his room - he gets mad but he stays in there... Maybe I am just lucky.

Answer 16

I have heard of changing the locks around as you mention for for the purpose of keeping the child from locking themselves - accidentally - in the room.  I'm not a fan of locking doors within the house at all.  

And about time outs -- I don't think kids should be sent to their rooms for time outs either.  The purpose of a time out is to separate the child but a parent's responsibility is to also watch the child at all times.  How can you watch the child if they are in a closed/locked room?  Much better to put them in a "time out space" - where they can see and be seen and self-adjust their behavior so they can rejoin the family.  The other reason not to send them to their rooms is that they may begin to associate being in their room as a punishment; bedrooms should be havens and place space.

Answer 17

I personally wouldnt do it. I think if you are worried about your child sleep walking outside at night you should put a chain lock on your main doors out of their reach. That way if your child did attempt to open the door they couldnt reach the chain latch. As far as for time outs.....I just close the door and my son doesn't come out. I guess if you have an issue with your child leaving the room, then this may work for you. Myself however wouldnt use this method.

Answer 18

I am 51 and I have only ever seen one child that sleep walked, and that kid wasn't getting out of the house.  I kind of like the idea of locking the door from the outside when you send they to their room, so they can't get out.  But if you are parenting correctly I don't think you should have to lock them in.  I can see if there was a fire it might be a problem.  I would say keep the lock on the outside of the door and only use it when you have to.  That shouldn't be very often.  I would not lock it at night unless you have a problem with a sleepwalking child leaving the house.  What if they have to go to the bathroom at night?  How do they get out?  

Answer 19

What I did is I went to walmart and got those door nob covers that little kids can't manage to use on the inside of her door (they don't have the muscle development).  That way your older kids can still open the door but then you don't have to worry about the little one getting out when you don't want it.  

Answer 20

maybe try a baby gate to see if that would work but if you feel that your children are safe then you go and do it we only do the best we can and try what we can with are children right well i hope you find out what you need to do to keep them safe!Good luck your doing great!

Answer 21

I've heard that before, but personally, I don't agree with it. But that's just me, I don't use my daughter's room as a time out, she has a chair she has to sit in. My friend uses her children's rooms as time outs, and they both hate their rooms, they hate going to bed because they think they are being punished. Try one of the toddler door handle covers, you have to to able to squeeze both sides to get the door open, and I don't believe you can be persecuted if anything were to happen. I don't see how just turning the lock inside out would be any different than using the plastic safety cover though :) I think it's a good idea, actually, if you need to use it. We just use different methods :) Good luck!  

Answer 22

I think it depends on the age of the child. Forget sleepwalking, a child might just wake up in the middle of the night and wander out of his room and into trouble while being fully awake. In the extremely unlikely scenario that a fire started in the child's room (you know how kids are always falling asleep with lit cigarettes) you could use a baby monitor to hear them or better yet install a modern interconnected smoke detector in their room, which you should have anyway.

Answer 23

I think that as a parent you need to do what you think is right? How old is your child? If they are young enough, why not consider putting a baby gate up? That way they can't sleep walk out of their room, but you can also hear them and watch over them why they are in their room. I personally wouldn't lock my child in their room just in case anything were to happen... fire, robbery, or anything else. Do what you think is right as a parent. Good Luck

Answer 24

Don't lock. Please. I can't imagine the psychological impact that has on a child. And it's not safe, if there was a fire or something.

You are doing what you were told to do, but I think most people would agree that the kids should not be locked in.

Were you ever locked in when you were a kid?

Have someone lock you in a room for 2 hrs and walk away. See how it feels. I am not being mean, but if you knew how it felt, you wouldn't do it.

When you send the child to the room for punishment, wait outside the door instead. / take away their favorite stuff and let them earn it back / depending on what age they are, you can do naughty/nice lists...other things.

Sometimes our kids drive us crazy and they need time outs. Try putting them in their rooms and tell them, if they come out, you will take away their favorite whatever. And if they still come out, you'll take it away and sell it / give it to a kid that doesn't have one. Then follow through. Let them see you taking their favorite thing to the Goodwill store or something like that.

Good luck