To parents who adopted internationally: have you taken your children...?

Question

back to their country of origin for a homeland visit?

My daughter is only 3, so I think she's too young, but I was thinking 6 or 7 might be the right time.

Do you think that's too young? I've spoken with people who have done the homeland visits and said that it was an incredible experience and they were glad they did it, but that it was incredibly emotional for their child (good and bad).

The experiences obviously were different for every child, but some really wanted to see their orphanage and then were devastated when they actually did and some were glad that they did and were happy to see their caretakers and even their old crib.

I also heard that sometimes going back to the orphanage years later you can sometimes get more info than you received at the beginning. I would love that.

Has anyone gone back? Good or bad? Any advice would be great.

Answer 1

maybe in 7 to 10 years we will. until then, we like taking pictures of the kids standing infront of Mt Rushmore, Washington Monument, The Mayflower, The Liberty Bell, Statue of Liberty and mailing the photos to the orpanage director.

daughter #1 was only 1 year old when we got her, daughter #2 was 26 months and was abused by the nanny's. I think that she might remember things that we have helped her forget.

Answer 2

I'm adopted from S.Korea and same with my brother

my parents offered us the option to go but neither of us have really had a huge desire. I enjoyed my life growing up and knew I was very lucky (medically and financially).

I was adopted at 2yrs old and him at 5. I'm 23 and he is 30. He was a semi pro soccer player in his 20's and went to korea/China/japan and got to see the area. I'm in the military and will eventually get stationed in S. Korea. my parents hope I get stationed there so I get to see the culture. My mother in law is Korean and goes there all the time. If I dont get stationed there I'm sure Ill go with my husband and his mother/ family and or with my family

personally I think you should take them when they are older or if you afford it go at that age you asked and again in their teens so they can remember it

good luck

Answer 3

My sons are only 1 and 2, so we haven't been back yet, but definetly plan to visit Korea in the future. We've also talked to several Korean adoptees who went on homeland visits by themselves (with a group of other adoptees) when they were teenagers or young adults and old enough to access their birth/ adoption files, and even search for their birthfamilies.

We hope to be able to take our kids to visit somewhere between the ages of 7-12, then when they're older they can either go on the homeland trip with their friend, or we can go as a family again, whatever they choose.

Answer 4

My daughter is 4, and I hope to take her back for a visit next year. I think 6 or 7 is a great age for a first trip back. They will be old enough to remember, but young enough that they will be open to things. The danger of a first trip with a tween, particularly a girl, is that they might spend a lot of time saying "Ew! Yuck!" to the food and the toilets and just everything that is different -- tweens can be so judgemental! Plus as they get older there is the problem of taking them away from their friends.

I think taking as many trips back as you can is good. I know one family that spends Christmas in China every year and it is so good for the kids to really feel comfortable in their homeland.

Each child is different and each situation is different, though. You know your daughter. If you think 6 or 7 would be good, then certainly that wouldn't be too young. A lot of the hard things can be easier to assimilate and just more "natural" when we are young. And the sooner you go back, the more likely that the same caretakers will still be there -- which could mean a lot to them and to your daughter.

I would be sure to go with a really good guide and an organization that does a lot of homeland tours, not just regular tours. Is your daughter from China? If so, I've heard good things about Our Chinese Daughters Foundation. You might also consider going with Half the Sky to help build a preschool. We have friends that did this and really enjoyed the chance to connect with orphanage workers and teachers in China.

I've also heard that sometimes you can get more information. I wouldn't have my heart set on that, but it certainly doesn't hurt to ask.

Good luck and Bon Voyage!

Answer 5

My daughter is  2 and we haven't gone back yet, but plan to as often as possible.  I've read that, if you can only manage to do one or two trips, about age 10-11 is a good time.  Old enough to gain some real understanding, but not yet in the "identity crisis" of adolescence.  That being said, I would go any time you could.

Answer 6

My ten year old doesn't feel ready to go yet.  We have friends from there who would go with us and whose home we could stay at.  We are in touch with our son's mother, though, and my son feels that if we go all that way he should meet her. He's nervous.

My two who were adopted from Africa have only been here a year or so and they still cry at the idea of going back, so we're going to give them more time to settle down.  

We really want to respect all our children's wishes. If they get to the teen years and are still uncertain about visiting their families, then we'll just take them to their countries to do tourist things. Maybe once there they'll feel comfortable enough to do a visit, but I won't force them. (We keep in touch with both families through letters, pictures, and sponsorship right now)

Regarding getting more information from the orphanage - sooner is always better than later.  Within a year of our adoption our son's mother had moved twice. Within two years, the orphanage director had passed away (she was only forty).  Within five years the NGO that ran the orphanage closed it to consolidate with another one and many of the staff were let go.

Answer 7

Not yet, but we've been talking about it. Liberia is most definitely not a tourist destination.  We would like things to become more politically stable before coming back.  We also wanted to wait before taking them out of the US until their US citizenship was finalized.  

My daughter was old enough to remember many not-so-nice things that happened in her home country, during their civil war.  We've talked to her about going back to visit, but she is very afraid that Liberia is still unsafe and that something bad will happen.  It's hard, trying to help her find pride and love for her homeland in the wake of atrocities she witnessed.  But in her mind, the US is safe and Liberia is not.  

We will keep the dialogue open while we're waiting to ensure that Liberia is politically stable enough to visit.  My husband and I would like very much to go back.

ETA: Wynner, my daughter sounds like your African-born children.  I think she just needs more time to feel secure.  When she's ready, we're more than happy to make a return trip.

Answer 8

Hi Kazi,

We just adopted our daughter (2 yrs old), and we have already made plans to go back to Ethiopia in eighteen months.  Our goal is to return every 2 yrs.  We feel this is extremely important to our daughter and her First Family since we can not call or email each other.  Currently we can't write either but i am working on learning DD's language in hopes of writing them.  The other question is i'm not sure if First Family can read, we are hoping to learn more on our next visit.

Honestly i would encourage you to go as often as financially possible.  Wishing you all the best:)

Answer 9

I can't wait to take my son to Guatemala!  I may bring my Mom as well.  But, I want to wait until he is older just because I think he'll remember more and can express his needs/thoughts/issues better, he'll definitely listen better, and may even be able to speak Spanish by then.  He may not want to go; he may want to go sooner than I am ready...  we'll see!