To propose or to go and stay away??

Question

She broke up with me but never gave me a reason just that it needed to happen and that i have to trust her....

she is studying in Rome this fall and i have booked a trip to see her for a week, she doesn't know im coming... i am thinking of composing a letter on the plane and just slip it under her door! so this way she knows i am there but doesn't have to see me if she doesn't want to....

i am thinking if she wants to see me... proposing to her because i think she didn't know how things would play out while she was away...

would you do the same??

Answer 1

It's hard because you don't know the reasons she broke it off with you.

I'm not sure about the proposal until you atleast speak to her and see if she still wants to be with you.

Unfortunately she may have left you for other reasons too.

Try and talk to her, visiting her is a great idea if you are sure she's up for it too. You don't want to show up and find she's moved on

Answer 2

She needs to find herself, leave her be for awhile, don't go to see her.

Answer 3

surprising her in Rome is a bad idea and your plan to slip a note under her door is worse.

I agree with everyone who said don't go; but if that is a foregone conclusion then please have a mutual friend or one of her family tell her you are coming and let he make a rational decision about the situation.

I know all the romantic comedy movies show thing like this working out well, but I wouldn't get my hopes up.

As to proposing. That's another bad idea.  

Are the two of you even speaking? If not this is a horrendously bad idea

Answer 4

love has no fences........it knows not how to stop  

Answer 5

This seems very stalkerish.  If my exboyfriend did that, I'd be horrified.

l**k your wounds and move on.

Answer 6

In other words, she broke up saying that it needed to happen and to in trust her decision.  Without even talking to her, you have unilaterally decided to drop in and if she agrees to even see her..propose!

She has probably decided she does not want to be going out with anyone so that she is free to 'sample the italian men' if she so chooses and is decent enough to cut you loose before she leaves.  Hate to break this to you but 1. she would not have broken up with you in the first place if she was in love with you.  2. If she has any feelings left, showing how life would be with you, not trusting her or respecting her decisions enough that you would 'stalk' her to another country, will definitely be a relationship killer.   Stalk might sound harsh, but that you are so insecure of her wanting to see you that you would not contact her beforehand and that you are considering slipping a note under her door, tells me that you are very unsure of your reception.  Wouldn't it be better to know how she would feel about seeing you before spending hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket?

If she does agree to see you, you can bring up the subject of marriage and see how it goes over but definitely do not propose.  It will sound like you would prefer to give her a chastity belt but will settle for a ring instead.  Not romantic at all

Answer 7

No, maybe you need to call her and let her know that you would like to come out and see her and then see what her reply is- she might not want to see you, have ya thought of that? why spend alot of money and fly across the world to be let down like that- don't do that to yourself- please call her first!

Answer 8

Let her be by herself for sometime. Cut all contacts for a month at least. Most of the girls break a relationship when they feel suffocated. Only by letting her alone will she realize what you meant to her.

If not, then it is not meant  to be. They rightly say. .... let it go..if it comes back to you, then it is love

All the best. Have patience. Miss right is just around the corner. Just don't look too hard. It will happen at the right time.  

Answer 9

It is a big risk you are taking going there without telling her. Be also prepared for the worst scenario that you find her walking towards her door holding someone's hand etc. which could be super awkward.

One thing you could try is, send her flowers and have the (local Rome florists) add a note saying - I want to visit...

or you can even do that while staying the first day in ahotel , send flowers using a third party or call her from the hotel and tell her if she wants to meet at some cafe or something.. If she is unattached and open to meeting she will welcome the surprise. If she has second thoughts about the relationship, she might like  "Ashley" says call it stalkerish or retarded things like that (instead of seeing the passion and romance in it) and ask you to not bother her...So be careful, but usually the chances that she will see you are pretty high, although it might still end in a definitive break up. In that case,ask out pretty italian girls and have fun and come back healthy :)

Good luck

Answer 10

Boy are you willing to stick your neck out or what.  She did not give you a reason and stated that you have to trust her.  I take it that you do trust her or maybe you just don't want to face the fact that it might just mean that there is another man in the picture.  I certainly hope not, because I don't want to hear next that your broken hearted.  I think that you may be setting yourself up.  I hope not,  I would go on the trip, and I believe that I would just show up.  I don't think that I would do the letter.  The ultimate of surprise, Then see just what your faced with.  Then you will surely no your next step.  Good Luck & God Bless.