To separate or stay in the marriage...?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 13 years. I knew him for 3 months before we had s*x and I got pregnant. we married 5 months later at the request of our parents. Really we didn't know each other.

To make a long story short, we have had tough years. He wasn't ready to parent so I did 80% of it over these 13 years. He is very protective over me so that I lost my friends and never really went anywhere. If I did I had to tell him where I was going and when I would be back.

He has no patience and can have a temper. About 5 days a week he was getting mad at either me or the kids.

Oh and he got s*x every 2 days if I wanted it or not. Most of the time I didn't. Then the fights would start.

This is my life in a nut shell.

So I recently in the last year found out i was fun to go out with the girls.I had missed so much me time. It was all innocent until 4 mths ago. Yes I met someone. Yes I had an affair which is the worst thing for a marriage. My husband knows and I moved out a month ago. He has had a revelation and wants to change and make everything work.

In that short time I have grown physically and emotionally connected to this other person. He has shown me many things that I once hated. We also have 2 kids, 11 and 13. To stay or go. I don't love my husband. Did I deserve to be treated this way?

Answer 1

  Your husband had his chance, and didn't appreciate what he had, so he didn't work to keep it.I say now it's too late. Go for the new life and new love. You'll be much happier.

Answer 2

You sound like an imature little B. You will probably end up on eHarmony begging for a date.

Answer 3

   Did he deserve to be cheated on?

Answer 4

i have bin in the same boat as you and i did try to make my marriage work then had an affair and to tell you the trust it took me being by myself for a while to really see what i need to do because yes the other guy is great now but what about in 5 years and another big thing is the kids they are great  at leading you in the right direction  i did end up divorced and i am now remarried and not to the guy i had and affair .

follow your heart and listen to your kids good luck

Answer 5

No you didn't deserve to be treated this way,but at some level your husband does love you and maybe realizes how rotten he has been.Tell him  you want to stay separated for a year and go to marriage counseling and he has a year to win you back.Your kids do not want to see you break up.

No one forced you to stay all those years and  had you left after the first year,perhaps he would have gotten the message sooner.

Answer 6

If you want to leave your marriage because you just couldn't work it out and you truly believe that you can never be happy with him, then leave.

If you want to leave because you think that this new man will make you happy and things will be wonderful, then give your husband another shot.

New relationships always seem better than the old ones and this guy has the added benefit of already knowing how your husband screwed up. I'm sure you've talked to him about how bad your relationship was and many men will cater their actions to the woman they are with... until it is too late. I can tell you from experience that it can take years to get to know a man well enough to judge him, and we rarely wait that long before putting ourselves in a position that makes it hard to leave.

Once-upon-a-time I was with a mean, emotionally abusive, selfish man who had no interest in s*x with me. I met a wonderful man who understood all my woes and treated me like a princess. So I had the affair, I left my husband, and I married the new man. Guess what! Five years later and I am married to a mean, emotionally abusive, selfish man who has no interest in s*x.

Remember that the grass is sometimes greener because it's been spray painted that color!  

Answer 7

Leave. No one wants to be in an unhappy relationship. Your kids will be happier aswell I'm sure.

Answer 8

hunny ... follow your heart...i am in a similar situation except i haven't cheated ...yet and i have a friend... my husband acts the same way as u explainewd urs...like my friends have been telling me... its time for you to be happy and only you know how you feel...

Answer 9

Get a divorce, I feel sorry for your child, but a loveless marriage isn't healthy for anyone involved

Answer 10

seperate, it sounds like he could have crushed any feelings you had for him a long time ago. you need time by yourself anyway.

tell him its too late to try to make things better, you know him too well, besides you are gettig attachedto this other guy who you said yourself treats you better.

answer mine plz:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

EDIT:

oh yeah, your husband knows about the affair, he wont let it go, and might use it as ammo in an argument and even tho you shouldnt have done it, you dont deserve that