To tell or not to tell? ~ Please advise?

Question

If you had an affair would you confess to your spouse? He doesn't know and probably never will. I was so wrong in what I did, I love my husband and I have no excuses. I have asked for forgiveness from God and have quit the affair. Should I tell my husband and risk losing him? Or do I just keep it under the rug, so to speak? What would you do? Please give me some advice.

Answer 1

Dont say anything!

Answer 2

That depends.  My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I always told each other how we felt about these things.  If he were to cheat on me, I'd want to know but if I were to cheat on him, he wouldn't want me to tell him.  Had you two ever discussed that?  Think about how he would view the situation.  Would he be able to get passed it?  Is he forgiving? Would he become violent/angry?  I'd say, if you've asked God for forgiveness and you've stopped the affair, don't tell him.  It'd be a bit like opening up a healed up wound.

Answer 3

Keep it to yourself.  Why cause him any pain.

Just keep in mind the next time you have to do this with another, it's time to stop being selfish and leave your husband.  It's not fair to be married to a woman who doesn't respect their vows.

Answer 4

Only you know how he will react so if it was a one time mistake and you know it will end your marriage it's best to keep your mouth shut.  

Answer 5

By telling your husband all you are doing is transferring your guilt and shame on to him in the form of anguish and pain. Why do you want to do that?

If the affair is over and you know you made a mistake and have asked God for forgiveness then do not tell him.

From here on out be thankful for what you have with your husband and make the rest of your life dedicated to being a good wife.

I for one would not want to know of a past affair of my wife if it is over and done with and she never did it again.

If you do it again then you have to look closer into what you are not getting from your marriage and go from there.

Answer 6

Not telling him is deceitful and deceit is the same as lying.  It sounds as if you want to do right by God (by asking his forgiveness) and to do right would be to tell your husband.  Anything else would be living a lie.  Pray for guidance and mercy from him before you speak to him and whatever happens is meant to be.  Not all marriages end after an affair.  I know this from the receiving standpoint.  If he loves you he will forgive you, but give him some time, it isn't something you can do overnight.

~~Good luck and God bless!~~

Answer 7

You are going to tell him.

Some day you are going to get really mad and it's just going to come out of your mouth.

You want to tell him.

If you got forgiveness from God, would you still be asking? Maybe God wants you to tell him.

Maybe losing your husband is the consequence of your actions.

Maybe you don't want to deal with your betrayal, his pain and anger.

Myself, I just act like we are both having affairs all the time, but with each other.

Do the right thing.

Answer 8

leave it alone! if you have confessed to god & have received his forgiveness who else matters.it was a mistake,leave it alone.

Answer 9

Well, I would say, don't say anything.If you knew you were wrong,and don't plan on doing it EVER AGAIN, then don't say nothing.Just don't do it again.

Answer 10

Tell him!!  He deserves to know!

God would want you to tell him b/c it isn't fair!!  Give him the chance to forgive you!!

It will always be on your conscience if you don't tell him and it is the right thing to do!

Answer 11

Honestly, I wouldn't. It happened and it is over. You know, sometimes the truth is not the best policy. What he doesn't know can't hurt him.

Answer 12

well you should tell your spouse you cheated. if he cheated on you wouldn't you want him to tell you? if you don't tell him about it and tell him it is over and he finds out through someone else he might not believe that it is really over and that might make more problems in the long run than if you would just tell him the truth. the secret to a long and happy marriage is honesty.