To the reunited amongst us: Mother's day?

Question

I'm still searching, but I was wondering, how do you celebrate Mother's Day once your reunited? ( Father's feel free to add in a father's day experiance too) Is it just ignored? Do you get a card or phone calls? I think if I was reunited, I would probably send something, I'd feel to disrespectful to my adoptive mother who raised me from almost birth if I didn't spend the holidays with her, but at the same time I don't want to ignore the woman who gave me life... I respect both of these women very much, but my adoptive mom was the one who spent the last x-amount of decades raising me, and she did a great job too.

I guess to sum it up, how do you celebrate Mother's day (or any holiday really) once your reunited?

Answer 1

I call my a'mom.

And, as my reunion didn't "take," I allow myself some time to hole up in my apartment and cry.  

But I still don't regret having found my first mother after a six-year search.

My birthday is much, much worse.

Answer 2

This is my first Mother's Day in reunion.  I don't live near either of my mothers.  I have always sent my (adoptive) mom a card and tried to call her.  This year, I sent them both a card, and will try to call them both.

For me, both of these women are special to me.  I cannot choose only one of them to call "mother" or to celebrate.  So I will celebrate them both.

Answer 3

I usually get a card.

Answer 4

I've always wondered why they Aparents weren't FIRST in line to thank first moms. There should be no guilt. Just don't tell your mom if you think it will hurt her, althought I can't understand why she would be hurt. Do you acknowledge both sets of grandparents or siblings on special days? Do they freak out because you have love in your heart for all of them? You're not negating what your mom did for you all your life. Your embracing what your fmom for her part in your life. They are two seperate women who had 2 seperate roles.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

I send a card to my birth mother. I celebrate with my own children and family.

I ignore my adoptive mother (but she was very abusive). If my adopted mother, had been even mildly loving, I would make the day special for her.

Answer 6

It's a great question. And I look forward to the answers you'll receive!

It's kinda sad that as adoptees, we're somewhat pressured to "choose" between our 2 moms, don't you think?  People seem to love to tell adoptees who our "real" parents are, as if we don't know.  

If we had 2 moms - one being a step parent who DID help raise us - we might want to acknowledge her, too, on mother's day. Yet we might still feel obligated to show our first loyalty to our mom.

Things become even more complex when we marry; and/or divorce or have divorced parents. How do we spend all the holidays? Trying to run from one house to another?  

And when it comes to our parents, somehow we still feel a need to please them, even when we're parents ourselves.  

I was reunited with my first mom in 1983. I felt the pressure & the guilt to not recognize her as my "real" mom, even though I  never had a close bond with my a.mom.  Yet, my first mom raised me for the first 18 months of my life, & continued to be in my life until I was adopted at age 3 (she was forced to relinquish me by DSS b/c she was a working, poor mom raising me on her own, per court records).  

She died 10 years ago.  On this day I will remember her, honor her, think of her & miss her.  I hope she knows how much I love her & how sorry I am that I wasn't more open when I still had her in my life.  If she were alive, I'd send a card, perhaps some flowers & call her to wish her a happy mom's day.  

As for my a.mom, who was physically & verbally abusive, and who "unadopted" me 2 days after my father died (via a message on my voice mail), I wish her well. I hope she's happy. I hope she heals from the bitterness in her soul.  I have not been in contact with her in the 11 years since my dad's death.  I will not be in contact with her today.  She gave up the right to be called "mom" by me b/c of her own actions, choices, behaviors.  Not just to me, but towards my children.