To the single mommies out there..?

Question

Okay here's a little background info first-long story short- I was dating a guy and he came home from Iraq-we were together for a short time and then he just disappeared pretty much-decided to start talking/dating other girls-then I found out I was pregnant and told him and he said he wanted nothing to with the child because hedidn't "love me"-bla bla bla..I haven't told him the baby was born,or anything I havent even contacted him since I told him I was pregnant-I'm sure some of you are/were in the same boat as me-how did you deal-did you ever contact the father-pursue child support etc. Seeking advice and support-NO MEAN ANSWERS PLEASE!

Answer 1

WELL I SURE DO THINK THAT HE DOES THAT TO ALL THE OTHER GIRLS JUST MESSES AROUND WITH THEM AND THEN HE JUST LEAVES THEM LIKE NOTHING. BUT TRUST ME GIRL HE WILL REGRET IT. ANY WAYS I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD NOT TELL HIM ANYTHING BECAUSE IF HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU GUYS THEN I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE AND NOT TELL HIM WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT HE WAS BORN. IM SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS BUT I AM A VERY HONEST PERSON IN ALL MY QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS. I THINK THAT YOU should just let him be him and go on with your life because yet of course you can not be depending on him for everything because we women can do it by ourselves and just remember what he did to you so if he ever wants to come backto you i think that you should say **** that s***w you. well i think that you should not even put child support on him. because you know how bad you will feel by just seeing him. so i think that you are wo-men enough to do it yourself right? well at this point in your life you are a very important person due to taking care of a baby yourself

Answer 2

You need to get a DNA test and get his name on the birth certificate in order to recieve child support, which means you should talk to a lawyer at family court. I talk to the father of my child but he wouldnt sign the birth certificate and I found out, no name on the birth certificate which means no child support money. This is going to suck big time, but its worth it, you need the money!  

Answer 3

Well, my story is a bit more complicated.  I was engaged to my daughter's father for 4 years, and about to get married when I found out I was pregnant.  2 months later he left me, and told everyone the baby wasn't his.  He had nothing to do with my pregnancy, and the day before she was due he had the nerve to call my cell phone, all upset saying he knew that she was his daughter and he wanted to be there for her birth. I did not let him go.  But I guess all the hormones after the birth got to me and I had this "wow it would be nice to have a family" mentality, and let him come up there later that day.  BIG MISTAKE.  Since then, hes been nothing but a pain in my ***.  I did NOT pursue child support, simply because that would give him the right to have her by himself, in his car, and etc.  I do not feel she is safe with him, and I proved that to myself when he got a DWI a few months back.  I really wish that I had NEVER allowed him to come around, because now I can't seem to get rid of him.  Let me clarify this before I get rude comments though.  He is by far a HORRIBLE father.  He only comes around once a month just so she won't forget who he is.  He has never helped financially, and when she was in the hospital with pneumonia he was out clubbing with his girlfriend without a care in the world. He threw a fit saying he wanted to see her 3 days a week, and when I said I would allow it, he never even showed up!  Its in the best interest of my daughter that he not be a part of her life, because he will do nothing but hurt her.  My advice would be not to even worry about him, unless you desperately need the child support money because you can't afford to support the baby on your own.  I was lucky enough to have a very supportive family who has helped me along the way.

Answer 4

In my opinion, and for obvious reasons, having a child takes two people. It isn't rocket science, having s*x without using a contraceptive method may result in a child. I don't mean this rude towards you, but HE is also responsible. You didn't get yourself pregnant therefore, I do believe that you should proceed with child support. Having and raising a child is expensive in itself, and no single person should be held responsible. Whether or not he wanted the child, he helped bring him  (or her) into this world, and should be responsible for it's well-being.

Personally, I would contact him privately prior to filing, so that it doesn't come as a surprise. Let him know that you are going to be filing for child support whether or not he chooses to be a part of his/her life, and that you're more than willing to get a paternity test. If he gets angry or disagrees, tell him that you're filing regardless and the state will take the appropriate steps, and be the final decision in whether or not he's responsible for payment.

I've done the whole "I don't need you, I can do this on my own." thing, but I am here to tell you that after diapers, daycare, food, a home, all the things that having a child requires, it gets pricey. The way I see it, there are families who have two incomes who are struggling, and even if there's a chance that you could infact do it by yourself, wouldn't you rather be certain?

Hope I've been of some assistance, and sorry for the novel, but I have no respect for fathers who try and take the easy way out.

Answer 5

I'm a single mom.

And please, don't think I'm being mean here.  But I do think it is your responsibility to contact him and tell him he has a child.  It's the right thing to do for your child.  Give the father a chance to be a dad, if he chooses not to, then at least you know you tried.  

At that point, if you can afford to have a child w/out receiving support (I can't...) then offer to let him terminate parental rights.