To those who are adopted Re:siblings.?

Question

how would you feel if you had a sibling that came from your birth parents, and your adoptive parents adopted you both and your sibling?

how would you feel if your adoptive parents had a child and adopted you?

(i ask because i plan on having one baby then adopting twins)

Answer 1

I have two bio-kids...and because they are so different, it would be impossible to treat them the same.  I love them both, but just differently.  I never planned or expected it to be this way...it's just the way it is.  Do you really expect to be able to "plan" your love?  

My two siblings were also adopted...not a common gene among us.

Answer 2

My parents had 3 children before they adopted me. It's always different for everybody--I think it depends on how you raise all the children and how old the child is at the time of adoption. I was only 6 weeks old when I was adopted, and my adoptive family is my family, plain and simple. I am their child, not their adopted child.

No one in my family has ever treated me differently, but occasionally some outside people (extended relatives, friends, neighbors, etc.) may make comments because they don't realize something is irritating, slightly offensive, or just outdated. For example, I grew up with questions like "Do you ever want to find your 'real' mom?" I eventually learned to patiently let the other person know that my 'real' mom is the mom who raised me, and the woman who gave birth to me is my 'birthmother'. You have to learn to forgive naivete and/or ignorance.

Answer 3

I am an adopted and I just found it out when I was 26 years old already. I and my brother (bio child) are really close and sometimes he acted more than my (bio) Dad. When I found out that I was adopted and my brother knew about it for so many years, I really just hurt. I felt like I was betrayed.

He is the first person I trusted and I expected him to be honest with me, as far as I am concerned. I am not upset with him but he did hurt me. I know it is not easy for him to tell what or who I really am but I guess I would be more relief if he does.

There is nothing wrong in adopting a child but the foster parents should not hide the truth from the kid and better to tell it from the start and explain the reason why the foster parents did that instead of knowing the truth from other person. It is more painful than I though and thinking that all these years everything is just a lie…

Answer 4

It is generally good for adopted children to have their bio siblings in their family with them, so adopting a sibling group can mean that the child will still have familiar people around and adjustment may be easier

As far as planning to have both bio and adopted children in your family there are definite issues, which Possum discussed well, that you need to attend to.  I don't have any bio children so I don't have this family dynamic, but there are books that discuss parenting both bio and adopted children that can help you.

Answer 5

I cannot even imagine how difficult that would be.  I felt enough like an outsider growing up, but because my brother was also adopted (different family) I knew I wasn't quite alone.  If there were natural kids running around I would always have felt inferior to them.

What I've heard is that the adopted kid often feels so insecure that s/he demands all the parents' attention which naturally makes the other kid/s feel resentful.  

I'm sure this could be worked out--if they're twins they'll at least have each other--but I wouldn't go into it without doing a lot of research first.

Answer 6

It is very hard on the adoptee.

For me - I had an older sister and brother - bio kids of my adoptive parents.

Adoptees have rejection issues.

Our mothers didn't keep us.

Whether it was their choice - or not - the mother is no longer with the child - and that hurts like h**l for the adoptee.

(and it doesn't matter if it was the best thing for the child - it still just hurts the child regardless)

When you're an adoptee in a family with bio kids - you're always wondering if your a-parents love you just as much - or if they'll one day also decide to give you away.

A prospective adoptive parent who wishes to have both bio and adopted kids must be very very sure of their motives - and must never make the adoptee feel like they've been 'saved'.

If not done well - and with a very loving and compassionate heart - it can go terribly wrong for the adoptee.

Adoptees are wounded children - right from the get-go. (they lost their mothers - that's a HUGE loss to start life with)

Adoptive parents must be aware of this - and parent accordingly.

When there are bio kids in the family - never make comparisons between the two (or more) - as to an adoptee - it's glaringly obvious that they're the odd ones out - without it being constantly called out.

Answer 7

a.If that had happened I’d feel fine about it. It would just mean I’d know a biological relative.

b.This is my situation my mother had 3 biological children, Dad had 1, he’s step father to my mom’s 2 oldest boys. I’m fine with it their brothers I was never treated less just because I was adopted. I never question if they loved me less because I wasn’t biological theirs.  I know quite a few families that have both bio and adopted children.  The parents ove all their children equally, I realize that this might not be true for everyone but of the families I know this is the case.

Answer 8

I think it really depends.  I was adopted and I know my mom would have treated me and a biological child the same, but she was unable to have bio-kids.  Some parents wouldn't treat them the same and that wouldn't be good either.