To those who are "older" and without children, at what point do you decide NOT to have children.?

Question

I am 37 and do not yet have children. All of my life, I have always wante a child or children of my own. I also want to be realistic. I am in the relationship of my life, I truly believe I have finally found my soul mate. He is 12 years older than myself with two grown daughters (and three grandchildren). A big part of him would like to have a son. He is also realistic. There are risks at my age; We have not set a date yet, but we will probably be married sometime next year. So, getting pregnant is early to late next year at the absolute earliest --and that would be if we were fortunate enough to conceive "immediately". If I'm honest, I am not thrilled with the idea of being 60 or nearly 60 when my child is 20. I like to share the first couple of hours on weekend mornings laying in bed talking with my Sweetie ...and there are all sorts of other cons I could go on and on about. Am I being selfish if I decide not to have a child after all ...and it could be just one at this

Answer 1

I am 33. I decided I didn't want kids when I was 17 and when I had to babysit the neighbor's kid for half an hour. I had not been a kid person before, but that just made it very clear.

I am not scared of being alone, and I am saving money religiously to make sure that my husband and I can afford to live comfortably when we're older.

If you and your husband are open to having a child, but scared of being too old, you can always look into adopting a slightly older boy. You'll give a child a fair shot at life, and you won't have to worry about medical or age issues.

Answer 2

i'd leave it in God's hands whether or not you conceive. just pray that God hears your thoughts on the matter. i'm in college and my sister is 16. my mom recently got divorced and she gets lonely a lot. we have a seminar at our church that will be preparing people to take on foster children or adoptive children. she say the flyer for it and immediately her eyes lit up. i think this could be a great option for you! if you decide to have a child i wish you the best. just remember that God's timing is perfect although it may not be your timing. sarah and abraham had isaac when she was over 100 years old. anything is possible with God. trust in the Lord your God. once you're married and start talking about kids, talk to your husband about the possibility of adoption. i know any child who would get adopted into a Godly household will be truly blessed. good luck. i wish you well :O)

steph

Answer 3

I never wanted children as a young person and then as an adult.  My starter husband fathered at least 2 children on other women while we were married (and we were only married for a year!!) That made me even more determined not to have kids.  Then during my late 20's and 30's, I had a career that was much more important to me than having children.  Finally, when I got to my 40's, I started thinking about having a family.  I got married for the second time, and we tried to have children but were not able.  Our life was good, and we were happy, and I had nieces and nephews, and was ok with not having our own.

Then we got a dog and realized that we were spending more love and money on him than some kids get.  That didn't seem right, so we decided to go into foster care, hoping to help a child and give him/her a safe place while helping the family get back together.  Our first foster child was a baby whose b-mom had abandoned him. When she was tracked down, she legally set him free, saying that he needed a real family.  

He was offered to us, and we happily adopted him.  Now, 10 years later, I can honestly say that this son is the best thing that ever happened to me.  Had I had children before I wanted them, it would not have been good for me or for them.  Maybe that was selfish, but if I didn't want them, I could not have been a good mother.

I am certainly concerned that he is only 13 and I'm 60 while his father is 70.  We hope and plan to live long enough to see him into adulthood, but even if we don't he has family and friends that love him and will step up.  No matter what else happens, he has had a mother and father who love him, give him their full attention, and are proud of him.  

So my advice to you is to go with your heart.  If you don't want a child, don't have it.   Yes, you are being selfish, but that's ok.  Its honest and that's important.  If you decide later that you really do want a child, you can have one, and my experience is that having a young child when you're older is actually quite fun.  You have more resources and can appreciate the fleeting childhood much better than a younger mom can.  If you can't have your own birth kid, take it from me, you can adopt a child, or even go into foster care and end up with a happy ending.  Not like in fairy tales, like in real life when you make a good decision.

All best to you!