To victims of childhood molestation: things to say to a child??

Question

I am looking for people that were abused as children who could offer some insight. I'm sure this question has been asked,. but as we all know far too many (as much as 80%) of sexual abuse victims never tell, what are the things we SHOULD as parents ask?? I've often thought of all the 'right things' to say and or suggest to my daughters, so that I can hopefully know that in the event of thins horific act, that they would tell me.

I feel that had you been through this, maybe you could tell me ways that could have helped you as a child.

I appreciate it!

Answer 1

I think the reasons most children didnt say anything in the past and to some extent still today is that the majority of childhood abuse is by a family member or family friend. Many people and mothers do not want to acknowledge what is happening under their own roof.

i was abused a a child by my father, but my family was so dysfunctional and my relationship with my mother so poor that i saw it as love and thought the only person who loved me was my father. i told my sister a couple of years ago and my mother maybe 12 months ago, my father denied it..luckily they are divorced and he has emigrated so it didnt have massive repurcussions for me. i still feel great shame and guilt for telling on my father even though my rational mind knows i dont need to. i feel terrible that my sister now wont speak to my dad (it turned out in the end i was his step daughter, my sister is his natural daughter and he never touched her)

i would say keep a good open relationship with your children. tell them about stranger danger but also say people you know can sometimes do bad things and you must ALWAYS tell me. tell them it is wrong ,that it isnt love, and no one should be touching them, it doesnt matter what they threaten they, that you will stop it happening again etc. but if god forbid the worst happens, dont expect them to conform to stereotype behaviour, i loved my dad and liked being with him, this side of abuse is rarely spoken about. i was also a very well behaved child as i was frightened of the physical/mental abuse i recieved as well by both my mum and my dad.

on the positive side i dont consider myself a victim of abuse, it hasnt ruined my life, i dont take drugs,self harm or the countless other things people do whilst blaming abuse. i have raised two happy well adjusted children and have done well in life. abuse ruins a period of time in your life but then you have to choose not to let it ruin any more of it. i made that choice and have never looked back.

Answer 2

I wasn't myself for a while after it happened. I was very withdrawn. I think if someone had pulled me aside and simply said "honey, I'm worried about you" and gently tried to talk to me... I would have opened up. Also knowing that I wouldn't get into trouble for telling them what was wrong would have helped a lot. Mine was by a trusted family member, and I didn't want to tell because I knew they would get into trouble and then it would be all my fault.

Answer 3

I never had a good relationship with my Mother and my step Father was the one abusing me and so I never told..I ended up in CPS and Foster care becasue my Mother left me, and there was a lot of other types of abuse going on so it is hard to answer your question..

as an adult it is still is not easy..I have a good husband though who has helped me heal in many way and still does.

I thiink that the biggest thing in TRUST...if she trust you and knows you will understand then she may tell you.

But it is hard to think some one will understand when you your self do not. It is well some times you feel shame because you were so powerless..the way I was raised I didn;t even know it was wrong till I was 16 years old.

So i think that it is important that you let her know it is not right at all and that if it ever happened to her you would not be mad or upset at her but you would want to know so that you would be able to help her and be there for her.

You seem like a good Mother and I am glad to see that.

I also think s*x should be an open topic..would make it alot easier in the event that it happens.

I will pray it never does though.

I hope that you this helps you in some way.