To women who cannot have babies...?

Question

This is a serious question, not intended to make anyone mad or anything I just read someone talking about how they couldn't have a baby and how it affected their life so much and they wish they could adopt one. But my question is is if the waiting list is so long and you really want to have a child, why don't you adopt an older child, there are so many without homes. I have children so I really know nothing about the issue or waiting lists or anything, it just made me curious reading about how this woman really wants a child. Thanks.

Answer 1

I think it maybe because they want to experience the infant phase..because i know if i were infertile...that is one thing i would want to experience...and have a little guy of my own...

It is the parent who is adopting, and they should choose what age they want to adopt...personally i wouldnt ever adopt an older child due to the fact of them having soo much emotional baggage..it could cause problems you know? Unless they were in a really bad environment and they were being hurt.....

EDIT....Abortion is allowed. but it is not accepted because it is killing a baby...never mind what the doctors say...

People try their hardest to get children out of harmful environments and always do if it possible.

So is it better to kill a baby, or have a child who is saved from a harmful environment?

Plus..for those who believe in abortion, take a look at the photo's 'Hand of Hope' that should change your mind that it is merely a fetus inside the belly!!!

Answer 2

I don't have experience in that but I love infants, and I think a lot of other people do too.

There's just something about raising a child from that young.

I do have some friends who tried to adopt a brother/sister--the girl was 5 and the boy was 1.  They loved the kids but sadly the courts took them away after a year to give them back to the birth parents (sorry, but after watching my dad I know that being drug free for a few months does not signify parental competence)

Also, my aunt adopted my cousin at birth from my other aunt, then they adopted another girl who was 3.  Even a girl adopted at 3 will still have adoption related issues--mostly emotional.  They say she has some developmental issues but the kid is bright.  I think they say that because she doesnt focus as well as her older more academically inclined sister

Answer 3

I completely agree with you on this. One a child gets into the social system and they are no longer a baby then it is very hard to find anyone that wants to adopt them. I think it is so sad because there are so many children out there who desperately need a good home and family, yet they are unwanted because they are older.

However, I think if you were having trouble having children the reason you might want a baby would have something to do with trying to emulate the experience to be as close as you can get it to be as if you had an actual child. Which means adopting an infant.  

Answer 4

the problem is not in the adopting end most of the time but the childs end

there are plenty kids avaliable, the problem is the authorities who are in charge with them aproving the adoption, thats why there is a waiting list...its not a lack of kids in itself

Answer 5

You're right. There are so many foster kids who would love adopting families to call their own. But let me tell you a story about a couple who adopted a newborn. It was an 'open adoption'; the birth mother chose the adopting family, and both couples were in the hospital when she went into labor. The baby got handed to the adopting mother and they started teaching her how to use the suckling machine (it's a thing you wear on your back, which delivers the milk through a cord that goes to your nipple, so the baby gets the physical sensation of nursing) and guess what ... the adopting mother started producing her own milk! THAT'S the kind of experience that women are looking for when they get a newborn, and it's heart-wrenching to hear of a woman whose own body felt the need to nurse a baby, even though it didn't have the natural birth hormones. Amazing!

Answer 6

I understand where you're coming from, but I understand where the other women are coming from as well. In the community I grew up in, a lot of my family's friends had adopted kids. And most (not all, but most) of the ones adopted past the age of 5 or 6 had problems-- reactive attachment disorder, separation anxiety, bad attitudes, or they're just completely scarred by everything they've been through (most of them from abusive or neglectful homes). My friend's adopted brother used to run away from home b/c he had RAD and was afraid of getting too close to people. He also beat up other kids and tried to kill himself several times. We had another family who'd adopted 3 kids from Guatemala and they were just.... so different. The oldest was 13 and was adopted a month before her arranged marriage was supposed to take place, so she had a completely bad attitude about being adopted as a child into someone else's family. She stole things from people. I mean, the list goes on. And that's not to say that all adopted kids are like that by any means. They're not all like that. What I'm saying is they've been through so much and you really have to know how to deal with the "baggage" that comes along with them and most first time parents have no clue...

Then there's the fact that one of the joys of parenting is raising your child from infanthood. Every mom wants to hold her baby, rock it to sleep, see it take its first steps and say its first words. Every dad wants to teach his kids how to ride a bike or throw a baseball.... Adopting kids at an older age makes parents miss out on that. It's just a natural thing that people want to experience.

And you have to admit, it would make you feel at least a little inadequate if one of your biggest ambitions in life was to be a mother and have a family and you found out that there was something wrong with either you or your husband and you couldn't have kids of "your own".