Today was my 4 year old grandson's first day of preschool. Wesley and his mom live with me while my son .....

Question

is in Iraq. They have been with me for almost two years now. I wanted to go see him go into his first day, but his mom said she would rather do it alone. I feel left out. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I take care of him as if he were my own. I went, at his mom's request, and got him all signed up and ready to go.

Answer 1

Wow, this is a difficult one for both of you. I understand that you want to be a part of everything, but I do see where his mom is coming from. As much as she loves you and appreciates your support, she probably feels like the parenting lines are a little blurred. She may relate to you as a mom and it may feel difficult for her to be a parent while she is being parented. I don't know if that makes sense but she needs those special alone moments with her child.

I would suggest starting a couple of special traditions with your grand child so that you will feel better about stepping back when his mom needs those moments alone with him.

How about every year on the first day of school, you take him out to do a special activity (park, movies, library, ice cream, etc). Something that just you and him do.

Just a thought.

Answer 2

It's not wrong for you to have these feelings because there is no right or wrong to the situtation.

Remember back to your own child, it was a special bonding and support issue between you & yours on that very first day. And she did share a part of this with you, just not the personal part.

Due to illness, I had to live with my daughter just before my youngest grandson was born which put me in a bigger part of their life on an everyday bases compared to my living away. (took 3 years before I was on my own again) It was hard not to have hurt feelings and still be supportive towards my daughter as his Mom; I had to work at remembering that under different circumstances, I wouldn't be that close everyday. Makes a big difference in the relationship for all.

Look at the bright side, you have a very special bonding with this grandchild that you may never have with any of your future grandchildren. Enjoy!

Answer 3

No it's not wrong to feel that way, but don't forget it's her son and she wanted that special memory with her son..Let it go and have your own special memory by doing something special for him when he gets home..

Answer 4

No,  you are not wrong for the way you feel.  I think it was wrong of her not to let you go.  I really think you should talk to her about it.  You have done alot for your son and his family,  you deserve an explanation.

If it were so special for her,  then why didn't she sign him up?  Don't bottle your feelings up!  :)