Toddler won't go to bed?

Question

We recently switched my 28-month old daughter from a crib to a bed, because she would no longer sleep in her crib, although she would sleep in my bed alone with no problems. (She'll no longer do this).

However, we have ongoing problems with getting her to go to bed and stay there. She's very tall and smart for her age. She can open her bedroom door and she knows how to open the child safety gates we put at her door. Therefore, it's becoming impossible to get her to stay in her room.

I have used a safety latch to keep the doorknob from turning on her side, however I worry this may be traumatizing for her. She also screams and whimpers non-stop if I do this.

I don't know what to do. I'm at my wit's end. If I lay down with her, she just plays with my hair and fidgets, not sleeping even if I pretend to sleep.

I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep, and I even broke down crying last night. I just don't know what to do with her. Does anyone have any experience or suggestions with this?

Answer 1

Oh yes, boy was I there. Add in to the fact that my husband would just let our son get up and watch tv late into the night rather then listen to him screaming when I tried to enforce bedtime.

Sadly the only true way to get a reliable bedtime routine is to force them to stick to it. Ignore the whimpers and cries. If she comes out of the room simply tell her I'm sorry it's your bedtime and take her back to her bed.

With my son it took about 3 weeks of consistently ignoring his drama and one good scare when he tried to sneak over the baby gate across his bedroom door.

Set a bedtime routine with her. Brush the teeth, a few ounces of water, set her on the potty (if she's training) or change her diaper/pull-up and tuck her in with a song or story. Have a rule of only one song/story a night. Hugs and kisses all around and good night. A nightlight may help or may not. It usually depends on the child. My son would have full out hysterics unless the hall light was on. He's nearly 5 now and is out within 10 minutes of putting him in bed for the entire night. Mind you I had to tolerate the bad daddy behavior until  daddy started graveyard shift about 8 months ago. I do feel for you hun. You might consider investing in a set of headphones and listen to some music or tv while she's pitching her drama. It's much less effective once they realize there is no one listening to them.

Answer 2

We just switched our 2 and a half year old to a big girl bed too.  We left the crib up and the first few nights she ended up in it because she wouldn't stay in her big girl bed.  This worked really well, but may not work for you if your daughter is climbing out of her crib.  We have a doorknob cover on her door so she can't open it, and she doesn't seem too traumatized now that she is used to it.  We did have screams and whimpers the first few night too, but she is really good about it now.  So I guess my advice is keep it up??

Also, if she is still doing naps during the day, shorten or eliminate them.  She'll be more tired at night.  And let her pick out a "big girl night light" or some other reward that she only gets to use when she stays in her big girl bed.

Answer 3

I would just tell her that its time for bed and if she doesn't stay in bed she gets something taken away or a spanking.  yes I know not everyone agrees with spanking but children need to know you're serious.  If you ever want sleep again I would definitely discipline her now while shes young.  

Answer 4

I think the doorknob covers are a huge safety issue, if there was a fire in her room she won't be able to get out. If she takes a nap during the day you could shorten it or skip it. I have to put my 2yr old son back in his bed ten times a night, eventually he stays and falls asleep. it won't be easy but be consistent don't give up.

Answer 5

You may just have to let her cry it out.  Until she gets into a routine of falling asleep on her own, there's not much you can do.  I know how heart-breaking it is, but most parents have to go through this with their 2 year olds.

Answer 6

Put her in bed and offer her a reward for staying there.  I spent 2 years at Western Michigan University as a Psychology Major (DO NOT have a degree though).  The program there is based on the theory of B.F. Skinner.  The overall concept of his theory is that behavior is learned.  "Positive re-enforcement" of the desired behavior would be rewarding her with something she likes: buying a toy, giving an allowance, watching a television program.  "Negative punishment" of the desired behavior would be something like: taking away one of her favorite toys, not letting her watch her favorite television program, etc.  Let her scream and cry about it.  This is a really good technique because it also shows the child consequences for bad behavior, which makes a lasting impact on the child.  My brother didn't learn that at all, my mother always coddled him and babied him and now he is in prison!  I'm certain this is an extreme case.

I wouldn't try to force her to stay in the room.  I think you are right, it could be traumatizing.  Just try to follow up with the behavioral conditioning strageties I mentioned above.  Don't lay down with her either.  She needs to go to bed by herself.  The earlier a child learns to do this, the less problems you have in the future.  Just count, each time she comes out of the bedroom, that is one toy/television program/etc that she does not get to experience the next day.  At first she will probably challenge this, so it is very important to follow through and not cave into temper tantrums (I know that's very hard, being a mom myself).  She goes the whole day with out the toy.  Chances are, she will understand that you are serious.  

On another note, be sensitive to the fact that she may be having some adjustment issues because of the change from the crib to the toddler bed.  Try to get her to explain to you the best she can why she doesn't want to go to bed anymore.  Remain sensitive to what she can tell you, but firm on the behavioral conditioning.  Explain to her what will happen if she does not go to bed, then again, follow through.

I hope this helps, I certainly feel for you!