Toddlers fighting-is it normal...read on?

Question

My 2-1/2 & 3 year old (4 this month) hit, and punch each other. They will come up and hit each other for the smallest things. They will get in each others face and yell at each other. I want to know is this considered normal behavior? Now as a precursor and please don't let this be your reason to say no...this is not normal. My husband has been physically/emotionally/ve... abusive. He has stopped and has been getting help (abuse free since February 2008). So the abuse happened in front of my 2-1/2 year old for 2 years, and my almost 4 year old for 3-1/2 years. I have done a lot of research and tend to believe that this behavior is a result of what my children have witnessed. My husband says this is normal behavior and whilst he does not condone it...it's normal. Please be honest and don't just say it's because they witnessed it. I understand it could be also be a combination of things. Please give your best answer based on your experience. Any tips are welcome. Tks!

Answer 1

its what the learned, exactly.

teach them how to deal with this problems differently. if your husband is getting help why doesn't he share his anger control methods with the kids?

Answer 2

No, this isn't normal behavior.  An occasional fight between siblings is normal, I think.  Does your husband now show you affection in front of the kids?  They will take their cues from the both of you.  He shouldn't use verbal abuse, either.  Have you considered getting the kids into counseling, too?  I would.  And I wish you the best of luck; I hope he never abuses you again!

Answer 3

my 3 year old hits. not all the time. but kids do that. he wasnt abused nor has he witnessed any kind of abuse. its just something kids do. some of them grow out of it, and some do not. try time outs or whatever works.

Answer 4

The weight of the words and actions of the father is extremely important.  Children that are abused physically and mentally will still love that father even when they believe they hate them.  For young men they see that their father treats the mother and them a certain way and the grow up believing that that is how you treat women and children.  Young girls view it and grow up believing that that is how women should be treated by their men.

Most children have their personality set by the age of 4.  If they are acting in this matter it is more than likely from what they have seen.  

The best you can do now is to change your behavior and discipline their actions as often as you can without compromise.  If your husband has truly changed (and I pray he has) then you both now need to correct the negative behavior they display as often as you can.  It will be tedious and constant, but it is the only way in my opinion that you can correct this.

It sounds like your husband is not very patient and understanding, so he will have to work double hard and twice as long to correct this.  I hope this change is permanent for him.  Best of luck

Answer 5

They learned early.  You will have to teach them new ways of dealing with anger or they will also abuse when they get older.