Too many disorders, no friends, no job, no nothing.?

Question

I have avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, alogia, paraphilia, OCD, delusional disorder, and aspergers syndrome. All diagnosed. I have no friends because of the social disorder. I've never had friends cause I've always been made fun of, or never bothered with. I am 19 years old. I have had 3 jobs but i always get fired for either not doing the job right or doing the job too slowly because I am so anxious during the job that I mess it up. I went to college for half a year and stopped going because it was too stressful to walk the halls with everyone seeing me.

I am at this point where I am at home on the computer every day doing nothing except making up delusions with my mind and believing them. I want to build an island in the middle of the ocean and clone myself 1000 times and have my clones build a pyramid in the center of the island. I will have many 12-15 year old girls in this pyramid to be my girlfriends. I have been to therapy but it didn't do anything for me. I am on antidepressants but they don't help because I don't have many emotions. The only thing I want to do is try do something extreme so I can get into the mental ward and live there for the rest of my life in isolation.

what is the next step for me to do? i don't want to kill myself yet, cause it will be more boring than being on the computer all day.

Answer 1

Choose an activity that makes you calmer.

Answer 2

Do you like playing video games?  You could get a job as a video game tester and almost never have to leave the house.  You can make friends online with the newest interactive internet supported video games.  Nobody has to ever see you and it could be very fun and you can make a lot of money that way.  Search the internet for those kinds of opportunities.  Antidepressants suppress neurotransmitter levels that can cause joy, happiness, and pleasure so the problem of not having any feelings can be related to taking them.  Maybe you need a lower dosage or a different medicine.  Most psychiatrists overmedicate.  No feelings can be just as dangerous as bad feelings so tell your doctor that you aren't having any feelings and that you think you are overmedicated.  They need your feedback a lot to do their job properly.  If you go into a mental institution they will experiment on you with any new drug first.  You won't have any freedom, and in the future the place may close and exspell all of the residents and they may become homeless.  this has happened all over the country as the most reliable security that you can have is to be independent and self supportive.  Also you should look into an apprenticeship program after high school because college would be too stressful for you with all of the social culture.  You can find out about them from your state employment office or your school counselor.  As someone else suggested you should try dating services for those who have diagnoses.  They are all over the internet, however there is no shame in not dating at your age.  You may want to wait until you have an income.  Good luck!

Answer 3

A strong soul is a soul which does not have mercy on himself. Not that you don't mind killing yourself but the mercy here means when you're loaded with problems and burdens. You don't say: "I have an anxiety disorder, so I don't have to do my homework". But say: "I have an anxiety disorder, so if I can finish my homework and not just finishing it, but also finish it correctly, no wrongs, no mess, then people will think I'm great".

Don't let your disorders, barricade your life. They make your life worse, so don't let YOURSELF be the second 'worsing' agent other than your disorders. Let your be the agent which helps to neutralize the 'worsing' agent a.k.a your disorders.

And if you have some spare time, go to a place where you can get the most happiness from and do anything you want as long as it doesn't harm you.

Answer 4

Wow, that's a heavy load. Well, for one thing, it depends if you yourself want to get better. Fight back, don't let yourself be consumed by all this chaos. Your right though, killing yourself will be even more boring. You never know what tomorrow will bring and it's always good to entertain yourself. As for the delusions, try to prove they are false, challenge them. I don't really want to get personal but once I was so sure my food was being poisoned, I didn't want to eat but never said why. Then finally I just kept on eating and I'm still alive, when it pops up, I try to go about my business. I guess it's all about what you trust in life. You can't really believe in something until you let yourself give in. How do you know when someone tells you something they absolutely mean it? You can't really, but you know just by trusting in them. You should really find someone to talk to, it might help. You should also seek inner peace, try taking a tai chi class, tai chi is very relaxing--or something of that sort. Also study some of the philosophy they impart--Eastern philosophy is very profound, though I'm still new to it. What got me more interested was this documentary called "The Mystery of Chi"--i'm sure it's on google, maybe that'll increase an interest. I hear Siddhartha (a book) can have an impact. You can also buy a set of watercolors (or any other art media) and some watercolor paper and start painting, you might find some refuge as you let yourself go. Express what you feel. You could also try writing (poems, short stories, etc.), playing an insturment and so on. And really do, and keep at it. If it helps, there are people out in the world who really care about their fellow beings, even if they are strangers. You have a potential friend in every person. Good luck.

P.S. A vacation might not hurt, and it doesn't have to be far. Try going to a nice secluded and natural area and just get into the moment, even try meditating. You can also just lay on the grass and look at the clouds, relax. You said you lost interest in music!? Try something new, something you never thought about. Folk/traditional music (from around the world) is worth a shot. Also try older music. Classical maybe? Edith Piaf, Tino Rossi, Greta Keller, Carlo Buti, Billie Holiday? Or new stuff? Avante-garde, with all those strange sounds? I really love what Philip Glass did for the soundtrack to the Hours. There's always something out there, you just need to find it.

Edit: This better not be a joke! Or else I'll get my telemagical powers to turn your chi indigo. Anyway, if the antidepressants aren't working that well, you could ask to try another type, since not one type can work on many people. And you should leave those girls alone as they still need their time to bloom freely and mature into stable adults. Please don't objectify women. If you feel lonely, don't worry, as they say, there really are many fish in the sea. Just be patient, but don't start throwing yourself at the first person you see; You'll find that fish, and it'll be right. While you're at it find inner peace--read up on some of that philosophy-and start making art. The world has so much to offer, there are so many things you've never heard of, but you can find much insight and strength. Seek, observe, perceive, illuminate yourself.

Answer 5

If you want to go to a mental institution, then volunteer yourself. Say you are suicidal even if you aren't. But honestly if you do that, I think your cutting yourself short.

Answer 6

what did i say?

Answer 7

The computer is perfect for you then.  Count yourself lucky in that regard. Many in the world do not even have this.  

People wont see you, you can come and go when you wish.  

You can make something of this, if you let yourself be happy for a change. That part IS up to you, despite all the disorders.

We all have disorders of some type.

It does no good for a doctor to sit and list them for you. What chance to you have if you know youre not right in some areas.

Just be who you are and thats all you have..so go with it.  

Answer 8

Most of the social phobics are in a defensive stance.

You may change this and fully forget about your ''social anxiety'' by putting a straight face and an arrogant way of dealing with others.Try this it will change you,don't be sweety with no one just act like you are raw rambo !!!

After a while you will forget about any anxiety in social situations and you will act nice. Don't forget ! straight face no remorse

peace

Answer 9

Strangely, I think you now know "too much" about yourself.  In the old times, people just worked it out - no one anayzed them and gave them a label to lean on.  I think you need to work from that side.  

We all have our delusions, though few will admit them.  We can allow them to eat up most of the day like any other addiction.  You need to work out how you can work your way back to normal, my friend.  It requires mental discipline, but I am not about to write you off because someone has diagnosed all these issues - we all are loaded with issues, my friend, and we would be repulsed if we were an closely investigated as you have been.

You need to focus - and I do not care if someone has given you an excuse not to.  You need to focus on how you need to behave and lead your life to be taken as normal.  And if may make you feel false or disgusted, but as long as you are not harming anyone, your ways of passing are OK.  Got it?  So pick a few crutches and get moving - we all do this - every single "normal" person you know has mental hitches and clotches they are covering for, I promise you.  

Now you do not need many under-age girlfriends, unless you yourself are underage.  We all age and you are aging as well, so it is normal for potential partners to fall in your own age range so be sure to shop there - do not go after under-aged girls!  So upgrade your hunting to prey your own age, my friend, and also work on dealing with your problems and taking your meds.  You can see the people around you - we are all mimicing them, so you need to do the same.  And understand that we all have issues - we medicate them even if it makes us feel bad and we always, always work on being "normal" though normalcy is an illusion.  So know you are following an illusion, and become the artist you are meant to be - build a real life from the illusion of what a real life feels and thinks like, my friend.  Everyone around you is doing the exact same thing.  

Answer 10

Its time for another visit to the doctor my friend, this time relating to them that you are not socialising, that you spend most of your day on the computer, not being able to concentrate so youre being fired, feeling stressed out at college because you felt everyone looked at you.  Let the doctor know how far you have gone to act on your delusions and that the antidepressants arent helping because you don't feel anything and want to live away from everyone in a mental institution.

Answer 11

Okay, well, sounds like you have a lot of problems.  First of all, 12-15yo girls?  You pedophilic as well?  Eee, not cool.  K, well, first of all, I am assuming that this is a BS post but assuming that it’s not…You probably don’t really have that many problems because doctors like to diagnose things you don’t really have.  Second, see if they have medication.  Also, if you really want to be committed, you can do that voluntarily.  Killing yourself is never good, whether or not you think it would be boring, don’t do it.  You need to fight this, either go to a place that can help you, or make your own effort.  Any mental disorder can be overcome with enough will power.  You may be uncomfortable, but force yourself to do it.  Now, for a job, find something simple.  I know it’s not glamorous, but McDonalds is extremely accepting of mental disorders (and this is just one of many places that is).  Look into it.  You seem to be on the net a lot, so research things, find help, get out there.  That is all I can say.

Answer 12

I have Asperger's and OCD. No boyfriend... no job (currently), very few friends, and my novels have been rejected at least two hundred times.

But I'm determined not to hate myself.

I think the first step toward a better life is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and to believe you can do whatever you want to do with your life. I've recently set some very high goals for myself, and I tell myself I WILL do it. I think the mind is one's only limitation. It might sound hokey, but you've got to flush the bad vibes and just start fresh.

Answer 13

think of it this way.. your disorders and such are just all in your mind... now stop thinking about your negative self.. and start thinking about all the positive sides about you.. then you can begin your life.

i could always be your friend :)

Answer 14

eharmony.com go find some1 else who is disordered

Answer 15

Just be busy

Answer 16

I honestly cannot say that I know what you're going through or that I can imagine it. But I can say that you should not give up on yourself, no matter what conditions you have. If you're interested you can apply to online colleges, so you do not have to be surrounded with people. Like someone else said, if you seriously want to be in an institution, I'm sure you can request it. Talk to your parents, guardian, or caregiver about this. Good luck.

Try something new, even if you don't want to be successful or anything of the sort. You can see it as doing something else for a change.

Answer 17

awe, i'm sorry.

there's always people who'll come up to you & just talk, just wait for it.

i really think you need help. having no friends sounds sucky. having so many disorders sounds sucky. not having a job sounds sucky. i really

think you should stay at the mental hospital for atleast a week & trust me, you'll meet alot of ppl there...just avoid the insane ones b/c they can throw something at you. one qestion, why would you want a 12 year old to be your girlfriend? that can be like their big brother's age. no offence.

i think i can help you...

just contact me.