Too much responsibility. Am I too old to run away from home?

Question

I am married with two children. My disabled mother AND my husband's disabled mother live with us. I am their only care provider. After spending endless days cooking, cleaning, nursing and driving everyone where they need to go I'm about to lose it. Husband's mother is very critical and verbally abusive. My daughters aren't happy. My husband is afraid he will be written out of his mother's will if I refuse to care for his mother. I am honestly considering going to school to become a truck driver and then letting them all fend for themselves. My daughters(10 and 13) actually feel sorry for me and want me to go.

Any advice?

Answer 1

You should not be someones drudge, should you? go hon, go!

Answer 2

hang in  there. life is tough. there are plenty of things you dont wanna do but nothing lasts forever and everything is just temporary.  

Answer 3

slip em something in their dinner - no I don't really mean that.

That sounds like a really tough situation ur in, perhaps thinking about putting the mothers in a home? Sounds harsh but you need some sanity, you need some you time. Right now ur mom, nurse, wife, cleaner, taxi driver.....you're everything else but you. If you don't do something about it soon you're going to crack.  

Answer 4

Do you have any time out of the home on your own?  Any time to do something for yourself?  If your husband is unwilling/unable to step in on occassion, perhaps you could hire somebody to come in to the home a couple hours each week so that you could get out and have some "me" time.

Have you discussed your emotional state with your husband?  Does he realize the seriousness of the situation?  If not, you need to convey how you're feeling to him.  His first worry shouldn't be about being cut out of the will, but rather how to maintain a happy and successful marriage.  Your relationship with him and your emotional well being are the foundation for the entire family.

You are too old to run away from home, though I can certainly understand the desire to do so given your current situation.  Best of luck.

Answer 5

I have some info for you, but you don't allow contact. I know exactly how you feel. None in my home are happy either.  My mom chucked it all years ago, and went on the road.  She's done well for herself. No one but you can make you happy. I'm learning this as well.  Easier said than done, right? I wish you the best, truly. I guess you have to ask yourself, "who am I staying here for?" Then you have to be prepared to take action.  Good Luck with it all, to both of us.

Answer 6

do not run away.  u r a mother and a wife and u have to take care of ur family, but that does not mean that u alone have to take care of ur mother and motherinlaw.  that is not fair.  ur husband better be helping u too.  and if u both cannot handle it u have to find someone else who can.  hire someone, like a nurse, if u have the money.  

Answer 7

I cared for my daughter, a disabled mom & a mentally disabled sister for years before mom died last year...  I totally understand that desire to run away... I thought about it a lot...  I stayed for my daughter, because I wanted to be there for her and also because I didn't want her to see me running away from my problems and then start trying to do the same thing...

That said, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for you to take SOME time for yourself and let them fend for themselves during those times...  You are carrying a heavy load and you need a break from that on a regular basis... If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be aorund to take care of anyone else...

Answer 8

Do either of you have in siblings?  If you do, you should take turns keeping your parents.  It shouldn't all be your responsibility.

Do the parents have any money?  If they do, find a sitter to come stay  with them while you go out and have some fun.  Go to a movie anywhere and let each of them pay for half of the sitter.

You can't go on like this.  No one could do what your are doing.  And you shouldn't have to.  If they have a low income, they can get on Medicaid.  Medicaid would pay for someone to come in and do for them, or they would pay you for taking care of them.  I think a low income is considered 1200 a month and do not own your own home.  Anyway it's a thought.

You have to get away from that house sometimes.  For a few hours any way.  No I would not run away for then the burden would fall on your daughters.  You need help, which I would use your mother's and mother in law's money to hire someone, and you need a break.      

You husband should know how hard it is on you and would go along with this suggestion.  you cannot ruin your own health and that is what you are doing.

Blessing and good luck!  

Answer 9

I feel for you. If your husband is so worried about the will, then let him take care of his mother. It is not fair for you to be abused at the hands of someone that you care for. Take Time for YOU. Your children should be what is imprtant before the mothers. Good Luck to you!

Answer 10

You and your husband need to pay someone else to care for the old folks.  Would you want your girls to go through the h**l your mom and father in-law are putting you through?  For their sake and your own, hire help!

Answer 11

maybe you could hire someone to take care of the seniors. Just, don't leave your kids.  

Answer 12

You are burnt out and abused. Time to do something about it.

You need to enlist the aid of Senior Services... go down to their offices and get a caseworker. You are not legally their caregiver and are not paid to do so by the state, so you need to file for assistance in dealing with all of this. At the very least, your mother and MIL's social security and medicare should pay for a nurse/maid to come in and help you several days a week.

Your MIL is using blackmail to stay put. You need to get your husband on the same page with you... get her relocated to some kind of assisted care facility.  It would be better to spend that "inheritance money" on getting her out of your hair... after all, that is what most people do... they have to liquidate their parents' estates while the parents are alive to pay for their care. Your peace of mind is worth more than any pittance she could possible leave him. He will inherit anything that's left anyway. You need to see if you can also get your mom into a similar situation. Start shopping nursing homes!

If nothing else look into a vocational program at a community college. The truckers I know are all strapped for fuel costs. Consider something that everyone needs... plumbing, installing solar panels and windmills, A/C repair, I.T.