Too young to get married. Do you think?

Question

That 17 is too young to get married. And its because we both dont see any point in waiting, and we both are employed and responsible. BTW, My partner is 23.

Answer 1

You are very very young, and at your age you may think you know what you want but you are still growing as a person, why not wait a few years, sometimes when people get together so young, they end up growing apart. You may believe that this wont be the case for you, but why not wait and find out??? what is the harm in waiting?

Answer 2

Not that I'm saying it will happen to you but every friend I know that got married before the age of 24 (4 friends in total) is now either separated or divorced and agree now that they were too young at the time.  

The problem is you change so much as you get older and unfortunately a lot of couples just grow apart.

Answer 3

I don't want to sound patronising but at 17 you still have some more growing up to do.  When I was 17 I was sure I was all grown up, now 13 years later I realise how young I still was and how much I changed over the years.

You say what's the point in waiting, but what is the point in rushing?  

Give yourself a few more years to live your life to the full because you won't get those years back.  Then think about getting married.  Trust me - more life experience will make marriage much better.

Answer 4

Well legally you are too young to get married.

Are you sure that you are both responsible enough? Does the pay you get from your employment cover the bills that you would have after getting married - mortgage (if your fiance even has the credit to get one) or rent, car payments/gas, utilities, groceries, college (if you plan on going), phone, etc? If not, then you should wait because once you get married it is your responsibility to pay for these things...and they are not cheap.

Answer 5

In my state, it's not even legal to get married at 17! You still have a lot of growing up to do, both of you. Trust me, right now you think you know everything, but you don't! I can't imagine a marriage at 17 lasting forever.  

Answer 6

Yes, I do think that is too young.  Sometimes I suppose it works, but you still have so much stuff that will happen even before you reach 23, you will turn 18, maybe go to college, turn 21... those are things that do change you and change the way you view some things.  

I got married at 21 years old, to a guy that was 7 years older than me, and things didn't work and we ended up getting divorced 6 months later.  Marriage changes some people.  

But with that being said, you also have to make your self happy...

Good luck.

Answer 7

Hi I dont think it is, if you are both happy together and want to get married noone can stop you you will just need promission off your parents as you are not 18 yet, you your partner is 23 so he isnt too young and neither are you, if you are both planning on never to leave each other then why no get married.

I got married last year when we were both 21 I have been engaged since were were both 16

Answer 8

The facts of marriage are not so much in your age, it's your maturity level, how well you communicate, and how well you can compromise.  I don't know any 17 year olds that are ready for marriage due to the fact they have not had many life experiences to make decisions, are usually jealous and needy and clingy, and have trust issues.  These are not good ingredients for a solid marriage.  I can see that at age 23, the six year age difference definitely has one up on a higher level of understanding what the real world, finances, justifications, and such are.  

It is truly important that a person finds their independence and have vital personal experiences before tying the knot.  This is a huge factor in your maturity level and your decision abilities.  Since you have not had these yet, It is unlikely that you will stay married for "a lifetime".

This is not what you want to hear I'm sure, but it is the number statistics in existence.  

There IS a reason to wait, and this will allow you the time you need to find yourself and gain your independence, and grow in maturity.

Answer 9

You're a child.  So yes, it is stupid for a child to make an adult decision.  Have you graduated high school, graduated college/vocational school?  If not, then you should not be getting married.  Why are you in such a rush?  Children have no business playing house and trying to act like an adult.  Besides, are your parents supportive of this because you cannot get married without their consent at this point?  And if they are willing to sign, then they are just as stupid as you.  

And why is a 23-year-old interested in a child?  He obviously has pedophiliac tendencies.

Answer 10

When I was 17 I used to think I knew everything, then I grew up.

Only you know how you are feeling at this moment in time, but what you must realise is that in 10 years time when you have babies and a mortgage and when you wake up every day is the same, you may wish you had waited.

If you were my daughter I would not be happy but in this day and age what kids want today they seem to get.

Good luck with whatever you decide you only live once and hopefully that life will be long, so be very, very sure.

Answer 11

I got married at the age of 19, and it was the single biggest mistake I've ever made in my entire life. 6 months later I came to my senses and ended it. At that age I thought I knew what the real world was about, but I had no clue.

This time in your life is when you'll go through the most changes and who you are as a person might change several times. The same goes for your partner.

No one can make up your mind for you, but take the time to think things through, and realise that you're only 17 so theres no rush.  

Answer 12

I am sure you want people to reassure you that it is o.k. but I am afraid I can't.  I was with my ex-husband from that age and people change as the years go on, especially at that age.  I wouldn't recommend it.

Answer 13

Best advice I can give you, is to  wait until you turn 20.

You are still developing strategies for the future now and have not made the most of your teen years! It  is best to wait a few years, as  you'll know more of what  you really want from life in at age 21-22. If you marry in your teens,  it's quite possible you'll feel very different in your mid  twenties -perhaps trapped by the plans you made in your teens! Divorce may be your only way out -which would be a great pity.

If you get married at 17, (and are Really lucky) at age 22 you'll feel  just as you do now -but there are risks to getting too settled too early.

Good luck.. and remember; get as much advice from your family as you can, they do have your best interests at heart.

Answer 14

Yes, you are too young to get married.  So what if you are employed, what about college?  What about experiencing life as an adult on your own for a bit?

I would wait.  If you are meant to be together, what is the point in rushing it?

Answer 15

I dont see any problem here. You seem to have your minds made up. Are your parents happy with this situation. But if it helps, I would strongly advise living together for a little while longer.

Answer 16

Yes, I think 17 is too young.

When I was 17 I wanted to marry my 23 year old boyfriend but I was told to wait.  And I'm glad I did.  It's amazing how much you change between the ages of 17 and 21.

Go out and experience the world before you make such an important decision.  That doesn't mean you have to travel or anything, but open yourself up to opportunities.  

Answer 17

That is young but you know waiting is better. You want to make sure you will be ok forever. No one can say don't get married but things do change a lot. Be sure that you are ready. Since you know he is the one waiting shouldn't be a problem

Answer 18

You should both know what it is that you want to do, I was 17 when I got married and the wife was 18, the married lasted 49 year, until the wife past away, but it was different in my day you made your bed and you had to lie on it, today the first row that they have and they are back home to there mother.

Answer 19

your ld enugh to get married but you have to realise yu will be cut off from certain things in life like going out with mates because you be married which often leads to children etc. bills.

at 17 you will have alot of exams still like a levels. you may see truely in love now but in a few years people change.

at the end of the day the choice is still yours

can you see your self waking up next to him for the next 25 years?  

Answer 20

I would advise waiting a bit longer, just simply because you change a lot in your late teens and early 20's. you sound grown up and don't sound like you are being like a lot of kids on here! the reason i say wait is because of experiece. I was 15 when i started dating my bf and i am now 23, we are not married, and the both of us have changed a lot as we have gone through our late teens and early 20's, we are still together, but i think if we would have put the pressure of being married on our realationship it would have been too intense and seriouse. Have fun being together and enjoy being a couple, just have some fun with each other, then in a couple of years go for it and get married. Good luck!

Answer 21

If you have to ask this question - then yes, you are too young.

Remember,  you are not the person you were at 6 or at 12 - and at 27, you will not be the person you are today.

I would get through college first. THen think about marriage.

Answer 22

It's not about being employed and responsible, it's about knowing what you want in life.  I know, I know... you already know what you want in life.  *Sigh*  No you don't.  You don't know.  You're a baby and so is your partner.  If you guys want to live together and play house, that's absolutely cool.  Don't get pregnant.

Answer 23

Yep - it's wayyy too young.

Just because you don't see the point in waiting doesn't mean there isn't one - luckily, everybody on this board seems to think so too.

Regardless of what you think - you don't know ANYTHING about life yet.

You're just done with school and just starting to develop your personalities. The experiences you have in your twenties form the foundation of the person you'll be in life - not what happened in high school.

You're both employed and responsible - that's great. However, that doesn't mean you need to get married. If your parents let you, find a place and live together for a while. You both have college or at least a professional education still ahead of you - even if your partner is 23.

I would advise anybody to wait with marriage until at least their early to mid twenties (you - most men do better waiting until their late twenties). And if you're still together then - even better! You'll know that you stayed together because of love and not because you married and were stuck together.

I had a boyfriend at 18 that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life - but marriage was not on the horizon because I knew that I was way too young.

It took me until 23 to realize that he wasn't the right one. I'm glad I didn't get married when he wanted us to.

Answer 24

honestly, im 18 my bf is 23, we know we are going to get married, he is a marine so i only have one more year with him around, and we are waiting. most military get married asap, but i want to wait until after at least my associates degree. i plan to finish 2 year college then transfer to a college close to whereever they put him. we know we will be together, but we will not be married until im 21 and he is 25. there is no point. just wait, you never know what will happen. go to college foreal, that when you really grow into wat you really are

Answer 25

ABSOLUTELY 17 is too young and here are the reasons! First, there is a point and obvious ones you are not taking into account. People grow and change, you have not lived long enough to experience such joys as moving into together and getting use to cohabitation with another person...and if your 17 I am guessing you are still at home and also have not experienced the joy of deciding who's gonna pay bills, do the cleaning, cook the meals, do the grocery shopping and these may seem like nothing but they are big deal when your point of view doesn't agree with the other persons.

BTW so you have a job, that's great BUT even drug addicts can be employed long enough to get a paycheck, its no sole indication being responsible or ready to make choice like this.

Besides do you know what love is and what really means to love someone. Love is not a romantic dinners, roses, dates to the moves, chocolates. Love is seeing their bad side, flaws and weaknesses and deciding that they are worth staying with. Or being supportive when they lose a job and money is tight, or even when you are deathly ill they stay with you to nurse you when you look your worst. Love is appreciating all the help the give you around the house. But I am sure you know this but its one thing to know this but another to live it.

Getting married at 17 worked for our grandparents because women and mens roles were well defined. Women were either content to be married and homemakers with men providing for them or they did go for schooling only to become secretaries and then get married, quit and had children, not that this was not the case for everyone but for most it was. Now women want more, social dynamic have changed. What does your significant other expect of you? Does he want you to go to college, will he let you?

What happens if you find out hes not what you want or thought he was? Happen to my sister in law, got married at 18 moved off with a military man and then fell out of love with him. She fell out of love because he was irresponsible with his money, squander it and didn't think about the future, their future...

What about this, what if you love each but can't live together? Some people love each but when they live together to discover their habits and lifestyle just don't mesh or one or the other can't live with the other...try living together first for a couple of years. Do you buy a car without test driving it? At least you can trade those in!

Just some things to think about...

Answer 26

You say there's no point in waiting, but what's the point in doing it now?

Yes, you're definitely too young. I'm a firm believer that people should wait until at least 21 to get married. One, because people do their most changing in their early 20s (change goals, ideals, etc.). Two, you should have a college education. Three, you should be able to drink at your own wedding!

If you know you'll be together, then you should be fine with waiting. Then you'll never have to look back and say, "Gosh, we were so young." If anything, you might have done your wedding day differently.  

Answer 27

Well where I live you need your parents permission to marry under the age of 18...  So to me if you need your mom and dads permission then yes you are too young.  How ever I don't see anything wrong with getting engaged and having a long engagement.  I've been engaged since I was 19 I'm 21 now and I'll be married just after my 22nd bday.  My point is there is nothing wrong with starting the process just take it slowly.  Trust me when I got engaged everyone was all "oh you're too young experience life first" but to me all I've ever wanted was to have a family, plus I've been with my fiance for almost 7 years now...  Now that there is less than a year to go for our wedding everyone is finally getting on board.  Despite what everyone is telling you it's possible to know what you want at 17.  Sometimes it changes sometimes it doesn't that's why I say to take the engagement slowly.

Answer 28

way to young to get married you both need life experience to commit to a marriage, thats my opinion anyway as your change to much as a person from now and when your 23 as you do, I'd wait till you get a little older, why do you feel the need to get married now when you have your whole life ahead of you for all that

Answer 29

i am 21 so is my fiance we are getting married in 2010 so we will both be 23 but if we had the money we would be married now!! People will tell you its too young 9 times out of 10 because they have had a bad experience of marriage. Both our parents have split up and have different partners my dad and his mum are on their 2nd marriage you would think this would put us off marriage especially at our age. We have been together for 4years this year 6 when were married we have lived together for 3 of those years so far! i wouldnt say its a question of being to young i know plenty of couples who have been together since they were 16 and are in their 40s now and still going strong at any age marriage is a big step i believe the things you need to do before marriage is make sure you really know the person i would suggest living together if u r not already for i think this is when u see the true person. i also think you need to discuss your future together again if u havent already such as careers children where you want to live etc. The best piece of advice i have been told is to compromise and communicate we never go to sleep on an argument even if it means we are up til 3am rowing.

Noone can tell you what todo and what not to do it is a personal thing especially when it comes to marriage if you are both commited to each other there is no harm in waiting but i can definatly see where your coming from with wanting to marry now. Maybe set a date for 3 or 4 years down the line give yourself plenty of time to plan it that way you will be a little older anyway. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide even if it doesnt work out dont regret a thing!!!

Answer 30

I'm 22 and my partner is 26, we are planning to get married in 2010 (we are engaged). If we marry in 2010, I will be 24, he will be 28.

I think 17 is too young, give it 2 years and see how things turn out. Try moving in together, for me and my fiance this was the ultimate test; luckily for him, he doesn't annoy me and does his fair share of the cleaning!!

Good luck.  

Answer 31

The point in waiting is that you aren't even a legal adult yet, and probably either barely out of school or not yet out (high school).

What you think you want in a partner as a teen, tends to change as you mature and walk your adult life path for a while. Your partner is close to a good age for making that decision, but you are not.

I wouldn't recommend you get married and certainly not for the primary reason of "we don't see any point in waiting". I married at 19 and I was too young, hadn't experienced enough, and it made a HUGE difference. Seven rocky years later we separated.

Some couples that marry young make it...the majority do not. What to do, as long as you are of legal age, is up to you but from my experience (and many other people I have met over the years) I suggest you wait until you are at least your partner's age to decide it's time to make that kind of commitment to someone (mid 20s is always my suggestion nowadays).

If your relationship is that strong, it'll last that long...you might even try living together to get a taste of married life, prior to deciding to take that step.

Good luck.