Too young to get married?

Question

I am 20 and in college, and so is my boyfriend. We've been dating 4 years and we both know we want to get married. I would rather get married or at least engaged sooner rather than later. He says he wants to, but is in no hurry. Lately a few of my friends have gotten married/engaged, so it's been on my mind. I know we're both pretty young and i don't want to push him into anything he doesn't want to do. I know we're young but we've been dating a while. is he just slow because he's so young? should i just shut up and give him a few years?

Answer 1

My fiancee and I were engaged when we were 20. The relationship didn't last cuz we were both still growing and changing. We got back together when we were 22 and the relationship still has the small fights every now and then. Now we're getting married Oct. 31, 2008! Thinking back on everything I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I say get engaged now but don't force him to get engaged. And when you both get out of school then get married. So you'll have the stress of school out of the way.

P.S. We are both 23 right now. I turn 24 2 months before we get married and he turns 24 2 days after we get married. We have lived together for 6 months now.

Answer 2

it is not too young. my sister married at that age and has been married for twelve years.

I would ask him what he means by "no hurry." If he wants to get married to you, he should have some kind of plan to make that happen. When we really want something, we set goals and make plans to achieve it. That was how you guys got into college when you both realized that was what you both wanted for yourselves. You took steps to make it happen. Ask him where you fit into his plan for marriage. Is it after graduation? When he has a steady income? etc. If he really wants to marry you, he should have an answer.

Answer 3

the greatest example i can give you is my parents.  my mum and dad were much younger than that when they married, they had just celebrated their anniversary when she passed away.  they had decades of love and laughter, good times and bad times, money and no money, survived the death of a child and raising four more, but they muddled through it together and were happy in their life.  

i think that when the time is right you will both know and to try and push him into something he isn't ready for won't work.  right now he thinks he wants to live with the boys but two years is a long time and he is likely to change his mind before then!  so relax let him daydream and if its meant to be it will be.  good luck to you.

Answer 4

Don't push him, you don't want to ever look back and think "did I make him do this?" I am a firm believer in age doesn't matter. BUT money, maturity, those sort of things...that matters. Can he, or you two afford a ring? A wedding? A house? He might not want to get engaged until he can support you. Or at least help. Talk with him, tell him its important to you. And you would like to start talking about it. Goodluck!  

Answer 5

Don't push him. You'll both end up regretting it. Besides, if he 'gives in' now, you'll know that it was only to make you stop bothering him about it. Clearly he's not ready, so would you really feel good about him asking you to marry him if you knew that he was only doing it to placate you?

You could get promise rings, or something like that. Do you live together? If that's a possibility, perhaps you should try it. It's the best way to see if you really are ready to get married.

In short, yes; shut up and give him a few years. ;)

Answer 6

Just saying you are 20 doesn't automatically mean that you are 'too young' different people and different couples move at different rates. My mom got married at 21 and has been married 35 yrs & still going strong. My aunt got married at 16 and has been married 25+yrs and is still going strong too. And I'll be 20, my fiancé however is older then me by 5 yrs (and we don't believe in living together before marriage). It's obvious that at least one of you isn't ready and you're swaying on the fact yourself. I've been engaged for well over a year now so I'll be the first to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with an engagement that lasts a year to three years. And I second the thought of don't push him. It takes *some* men a little time to come around to the idea of marriage. My fiancé's best friend is a year older then him and has been with his girlfriend even longer then we have and he's not ready to get married (or engaged). You should speak what's on your mind, he's supposed to be your best friend, just make it casual and don't ALWAYS bring it up and don't seem impatient about it. You need to get some peace of mind, which I'm sure your well being in every way is a great concern to him, so that is why I say bring it up again when the opprotunity presents itself. And then just let it go.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

welll..you are young and maybe you can get promise rings or something to show you could wait until after college.  If you want to marry eachother already at the age of 20... then your relationship should be strong enough to be able to wait a little while.  You're only 4 years older than me and you can't even legally drink, marriage is a big commitement and maybe waiting or at least starting with a longgg engagement is the right thing to do.  And there are lots of things to think about, money, buying a home, cost of wedding etc, can you guys handle that right now?? You are young so maybe you  should enjoy it.  have you lived together??? becasue if you haven't maybe thats the first thing to do becasue thats a good look into what marriage would be like. and lastly, talk with him!! see what he thinks if you're so ready to get married you should have no trouble talking about it.  I hope this helped good luck don't worry =]

Answer 8

He doesn't sound like he is in a hurry to get married but that doesn't mean he won't want to in the future. If I were you I would give him some time. People do A LOT of growing up and changing in there 20's and the last thing you want to do is pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to do. I am only 27 and defiantly not the same person I was at 20! Part of dating someone when you are young is waiting a lot longer to get married (most of the time.) Be happy he is not rushing into something you both may not be entirely ready for and give him some time. He will either come around or you will both find other people who want the same things you want. Good luck!

Answer 9

You are too young to get married.  If both you and your boyfriend feel it's the right time to get engaged, go ahead, but wait until you've both finished college and have full-time jobs before you get married.  Trust me.  I got married the year after graduating college and I was so happy I waited until graduating and finding a job.  We also did not live together until we were married, which is what I believe people should do, but not everyone shares that view so whatever.

Answer 10

I'm also in my twenties and in college. My boy and I have been together for nearly five years. We both know we want to tie the knot and have discussed it at length.  We are waiting until I'm done with school to become formally engaged.  Marriage is about more than love, it's a legal/financial contract(I know that sounds horrible but its true) that you enter together and we know we aren't in the place for that now.  If you are a student you probably aren't either, and that's okay!   Marriage is the rest of your life, so whats a few more years to wait?  Nothing should change in that time between now and the walk down the aisle so take your time.  I know its hard when others around you get married, every girl wants to be a bride but when the time is right it will be your turn.  Don't push the issue too much either, some guys freak about pressure like that and it may strain your relationship  Good luck!

Answer 11

Twenty is young, darling. It just is! I know you guys have been together a while, but hold off on the marriage thing. Many people around your age get engaged, and the weddings really start to roll around the ages of 23 to 25.

I'm not saying YOU are too young, but just live a little. You have the rest of your life to be married. Enjoy being young while you can. Marriage is a HUGE commitment, and if you guys haven't lived together - I would suggest that if you are truly committed you try it. Living together really paints the picture of what life would be like if you were married, and if you're ready to make that step.

Answer 12

He knows what you want.  But don't push him into it.  If you just want the engagement or the wedding so you don't get passed up by all your other friends getting married then thats retarted.  My husband and I were the last of a 5 year sting of close to 20 couples getting married.  You know what?  Or wedding was the absolute coolest BY FAR cause we learned from all of their mistakes.

So take the time, watch the others do things wrong, and have the best wedding after they are all cranky and have cars filled with babies...that's what we did!!