Torn .....need advice?

Question

i have been married for 9 yrs and i had never stepped out of my marriage until 2 months ago. to make matters worse he was a friend of my husband for 25yrs. my husband wants to work things out and move pass this but I'm so confused cuz i really have strong feelings for this guy. my husband is so hurt behind this. my husband is really good 2 me and i know he didn't deserve this. i know i'm better off staying and working things but i can't help feeling like this. i have done so much damage not only with this but i have ruined our finances due to gambling, I'm bipolar and just started my medications and starting to feel better. i don't know i can't make up my mind i know this other guy is not for me. please no cursing!

Answer 1

I think I'm finnaly stumped.  

Answer 2

I think the fat lady has sung.  Congratulations.. you just destroyed your marriage.

Answer 3

All I can say is I feel sorry for your husband. Get a hold of yourself and stop being such a selfish little child.  

Answer 4

Shame on YOU!!! Not only did you step out but with your hubby's friend. That's just wrong! You are lucky hubby still want's to work the marriage out after that. There are some lines we just don't cross and that's one of em dear. Your also lucky hubby is willing to stay with you, with you being bipolar because from my experience with people that have bipolar (my late hubby & a few friends), that is one h**l of a disorder to deal with and it's makes a normal person feel like they are going batty at times. I say you forget all about the "other man" and move on and never hurt your hubby's feelings ever again and STAY a safe distance from the "other man" so you don't become tempted by him again. Good luck figuring out your messed up situation.

Mary in Camden, Michigan USA

Answer 5

I wouldn't mess with that. If you don't want to be with your husband leave him... Don't mess with the other guy. That's something you don't want to be in the middle of

Answer 6

what a tangled web we weave...

get yourself together first and only then can you expect to get your relationship together and repaired.

Answer 7

Oh man not the old bipolar card.

Answer 8

Not cool

Answer 9

You're married. You made a promise. It means there IS no other guy. Not many husbands(or wives!) would accept this.  

Answer 10

My Advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

Answer 11

You definitely dont need us to beat you up, youve done a good job by yourself. If you reread what you wrote, youve basically answered your own question too. The biggest thing here is what do you truly want. I really dont think you care for this other guy as much as you think but youre actually in love with the idea of being in love again with all its glamour and excitement which this guy brings, but it wont last long. You just need to get control of your life first then go from there. This other guy is only compounding your problems so now youre confused and dont know where to turn so eliminate him and make your marriage work. Good luck

Answer 12

    My advice: Continue your medicines  see your doctor regularly for check ups and don't blame your bi-polar syndrome on your poor choices of cheating on your husband if you still do. Go to therapy consistently with and without him, pray if you believe in a God, and stop  seeing the other guy- and not in that order. You and his friend both obviously made a bad choice, but if your husband wants to work it out, don't expect things to get better right away. He will go through feelings of betrayal by you and resentment toward you. He will be pissed and extremely hurt for some time. You owe him the chance to deal with it and not to expect it all to be better when YOU want it to go away. You are not going to get what you want if you try to wish it away. You made the mess (and admitted it above) now clean it up and do whatever it take to repair your marriage.

      

Answer 13

Take care of your health, first.  Then you will be better prepared to work on your marriage.  It is worth putting the pieces back together, and it may even be better than before.