Transition?

Question

Lets say a couple choses to place their child for adoption with a family. Is there anything these 2 families can do to make the transition less traumatic and keep the first family part of the babies life.

Do you think that it is something BOTH families may consider for the sake of the child.

Answer 1

We met with our bio family and had frequent visits with them up until placement with us occurred.  We (and the bio family) feels that this was a huge part of the reason our son adjusted so quickly to our home.  He was familiar with us, with the house, and with our voices.  He knew that the bio family trusted us - as they had been there for the visits - and we were a part of his life also.

Answer 2

This is how I  believe trauma would be lessened; no relinquishment papers are signed until the mother has been assisted in establishing a breastfeeding relationship for the the first six months. If the potential adoptive parents choose to live together to support mother and baby, all the better. The baby would be familiar with the adopters and feel confident that the mother trusts them.

As a breastfeeding mother, I could never imagine letting go of my baby. Perhaps this is what some mothers need to realize and feel comfortable with their motherhood role.

If after 6 months - the min. recomended length of breastfeeding she still doesn't want to parent, then at least baby has had the benefit of her milk and has been able to transition to the strangers home.

Then the papers could be signed.

Answer 3

Yeah, the natural mother should keep the baby as long as possible while the other family gives her money and comes over to visit from time to time, almost like grandparents or godparents. Then when the baby is 18 he can decide for himself which family he wants to live with, his own mother, or his adoptive parents. Either that or the mother and son should move into the adoptive parent's house and live with them until the child is 18. Otherwise you're creating a "primal wound" when you separate a baby from its mother, and that could ruin the child's life.

Answer 4

I dont agree that natural parents and APs should be apart of the babies life altogether. I think it wouldnt be stable for the child and very confusing. I think it wouldnt be beneficial at all. Infact I would find it rather wierd if that was the case with my adoption. I cant see how it would make things better. Its better for th birth mother to cut all ties if she is going to adopt the child out. The birth mother then has the knowledge that the child may wish to persue a reunion later on in life. It should always be the childs decision weather he or she decides to want to have any reunion with the birth mother later in life.

Answer 5

one woman i know adopted 10 yrs ago, a 15yrold heard she was adopting and placed her child with the woman. they have a very open relationship to the point that the woman babysits the birthmom's 3 yr old. the adoptive daughter has a relationship with her bmom like that of aunt/niece and also has a relationship with her bio-brother. they are very close where the b-mom looks toward the a-mom like she was her family too.... i don't know how common it is, but it works well for them

Answer 6

I disagree totally and completely with there being NO trauma to a newborn and LITTLE trauma to a toddler. There is loads of trauma regardless of age but it does go up when a child is older and shuttled from home to home.

I would love to see more aparents and first mothers willing to use pumped breast milk at least for a few days or weeks. Even without physical contact between baby and nmom it seems to me this would lessen the trauma. Babies know their mother's scent and taste. Rooming in with the baby while mom is in the hospital is another one that could be a positive add in some visiting time after placement and the results could be phenomenal. I'm all over the idea of recordings of the nmoms voice too. Even letting the nmom talk to the baby over the phone could lessen any separation issues. Or maybe an article of clothing or a blanket that smells like mom. There are so many ways to help a baby feel more secure after a loss but it takes work on the part of all the adults involved.

Answer 7

I personally have a really hard time with the whole open adoption thing.  I think that it presents nothing but stress and trauma on everyone concerned..especially the child.  Think about it.."birth parents"  living with parents...."  If this is the only way you can adopt a baby...I suppose it can work...but I will tell you this from experience..THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS BABY UNTIL IT IS BORN...How can you make promises  that you may well not want to keep...be really careful here.  good luck  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚™Â¥ ♥ kelly

Answer 8

An open adoption is a good option if this would work for both families. The amount of contact can be adjusted to best interest of the child and the families involved.

Answer 9

Yes, we have done this in foster care as well.  As a foster mom, the children can get attached to you if they are with you for a long time.  We often ahve goodbye/celebration parties for the kids to help them grieve the loss of us and to celebrate their new home (birth parents).  It can be teh same in adoption depending on the parents invovled.  The children we are adopting will be done so in a full transition, including slow introducation, case conferencoing with current foster parents and a welcome home ceremony.

Answer 10

What you are asking about is referred to as "open adoption" in which the birth parents retain some presence in the adopted child's life. How open an adoption is depends on the willingness of the adoptive family to include the birth family in the child's life and to what degree that inclusion occurs. There are a lot of pros and cons with an open adoption in which the birth parents have too active a role in the child's life.

When the birth family is choosing a family to adopt their child, they may request certain levels of involvement that they wish to retain in their child's life, but it is ultimately up to the courts and the adoptive parents as to how many of those levels are actually put into place.

The best way to ease the transition is get to know the adoptive family as early in the pregnancy as is possible. This allows you to build a relationship with them, making both parties more comfortable with the arrangement. Keep the focus of the conversations on the arriving child as much as you can, learning what similar goals you have for the raising of the child, what hopes and dreams you have.

Create a pregnancy scrapbook include pictures and information of both the birth family and the adoptive family. Include the birth family's reasons for giving the child to the adoptive family. Include the birth family's family tree (as far back as you are able) and stories about the birth family that allow the child to learn about their heritage in case the birth family is unable to teach these things to the child directly. Most adoptive families interested in open adoption enjoy birth family involvement at some level.

Accept that if the family allows you to visit, you may have to be addressed as "Aunt" or "Cousin" or that you may be referred to as a friend of the family, not as the child's birth parent while the child is young. Some families feel overpresence of the birth family in an adoptive child's life will confuse the child as to the structure of the family unit.

The source article I have included with this gives a good overview of open adoption and some of the pros and cons involved from an adoptive parent's point of view. The entire site is a good reference for those considering adoption as well as those placing their children up for adoption.

If the child being adopted is an infant, there is almost no trauma to the child in being adopted, and only a slight trauma if the child is a toddler. The older the child, the harder it can be, but a good family and proper counselling for both child and family can ease the transition greatly.