Transitional/Rebound Relationships - Your Thoughts?

Question

So I have been recently a victim of a rebound relationship. Things were going well then he pushed heavily into the relationship to move things forward. Talked about changing his life around for us to be together (he lived 2hours away). Then in 24 hours turned around and told me that he felt it was a transitional relationship and that he wasn't going to fall in love with me - even though he acted as though he already was. He refused to talk to me in person - did it via email. Wouldn't answer the phone when I called or return my phone call, nor answer my email about meeting in person and working it out.

We had so much in common, and were able to communicate before all this and talk about so many things we had the same interests in.

Does this person just not see you for who you are because they are still stuck on the other person? Do they not look back and have regrets that they may have screwed up something wonderful? Could they have the perfect person for them, but they were too emotionally screwed up to recognize it?

I just feel really used and broken hearted like I have never felt. Its been two months and I have no desire to move on or date - I just want to be alone now. It took many years for me to find someone I connected to like I did him - but now I wonder if he was just pretending.

How can you pretend to care about someone and then dump them like they never mattered? Worst part is - I'd been hurt incredibly in my previous relationship, as he did. I wanted to go slow with this relationship and he pushed it - the more I put my brakes on the more he tried to get more serious. And then he dumped it on me as though it was my fault because I couldn't do things like read his mind to know what he was thinking - and that he was doing all the work (which was untrue) then ran.

Is this just a horrible, screwed up jerk who pretends to be a nice guy? He did all the right things, was very sweet and kind and loving and open, and then turned into the biggest liar and jerk I have ever met.

Answer 1

The first 6-9 months of every relationship feels intense.  You think you're in love, you think this person is the one person for you, you are willing to do anything and everything to be with them ... then reality hits and you realize how you really feel now and how you felt during that "honeymoon period" are very different.

So no, I don't think he was being a jerk.  I think he got caught up in those feelings and thought, "Wow, I'm completely over my ex!"  Then he realized that wasn't true at all; he was still hung up on his ex (it takes months to get over someone usually), and he had been using you.  It wasn't intentional, I'm sure.

Yeah, maybe you and he could have been something great.  But it wasn't the right time.  And now he may fear that he has ruined it beyond all repair, and even if he somehow "saw the light" and realized he really was in love with you, he would think you wouldn't listen.  But don't get hung up on this notion.  Most of the time, if you're not in love, you're just not in love.  He wasn't in love with you.  Chances are, that's not going to change.  You have a lot in common with friends, and he just saw you as a friend, not a romantic partner.

If you continue to feel desolate, I would recommend therapy.  Right now, it's normal to want to be alone, but if this continues for another month, please seek help.