Traumatized?

Question

Recently, one of the pair of guinea pigs that my grandkids owned died. We aren't sure why. Just found him dead, with the other one sitting beside him, and screaming for him.

Now, my 9 yr old granddaughter seems traumatized over this. She's paying a lot of attention to the remaining guinea pig. Feeding him, cleaning the cage, playing with him. If she comes in and finds him lying down, she panics, till she wakens him.

Granddaughter is having nightmares, tummy pains, sweatty palms, etc on an almost daily basis.

What do we do for her? Talking with her hasn't helped. What else do we do?

Answer 1

Death is a natural part of life and she will learn to move on.  This is a typical response to a pet death for a nine year old.  I would be concerned if she wasn't showing signs of being upset.  Try taking her mind off of things.  Watch a movie or go to the zoo on a nice day.  She'll eventually move on, but I think one of the things that make her dwell on it more (and actually scar her) would be taking her therapy.  (not that I'm against therapy, I just think she's acting normal. Have a play date with some of her classmate over to...decorate and fly kites, make necklaces and jewelry,  dress up, put on make up (it's just for fun I do not condone 9 year olds actually wearing make up), play a movie.  She'll be so distracted, she should get a good nights sleep.

good luck

Answer 2

Oh, how sad!  Handling grief with kids can be tough.  I would advise you to help her through the grief process by trying some activities with her.  There are several books that can help normalize grief, including The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst, When Dinosaurs Die by Laura Krasney Brown, and Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant.  You can let conversation naturally flow from these or just let her cry or think by herself if that's what would help her most.

Talk to her about your family's beliefs around afterlife can help her undertand and process death.  You might share a grief experience you've had with particular focus on how you worked through the grief.  Have her write a goodbye letter to the guinea pig, plant a tree in honor of it, or some other ritual remembrance.  Help her think about the good things she learned from her pet friend and the good things she gave to the pet that helped her have a great life.  Encourage her to draw pictures of the guinea pig, maybe even pictures of where she thinks her friend is now.  You can also encourage her to draw a picture of whatever feeling she's feeling.

Bottom line, for kids as for adults, grief takes time.  Unlike adults, kids world may have been rocked with the realization about impermanence.  Kids often have a domino effect to grief--the pig died, the other will die, my parents will die, I will die.  You can see how they might freak out!

The best thing you can do is listen when she needs you to, encourage her to find ways of expressing her grief, understand and care.  Help her find an outlet for her grief and fear and give it time.

P.S. Definitely respect if she does NOT want to do these things, but you can offer and check in with her every so often about how she's doing and what she's thinking about.