Trouble finding birth parents?

Question

has anyone else had a hard time finding their birth parents? I know a little bit about my familey like my father's name, my younger brother's name the town that their apartment burnt down in (lebanon NH) my familey won't tell me anymore because they want to be the ones to find them (i'm now 22 and yes i do understand about my parents May not want to meet me and all that) with the info on the fire i would think i would be able to atleast get full names it's so flustrating? any other adopted people feel the same?

Answer 1

I completely understand what you are going through.  Everyone thinks that finding birthparents is like something they've seen on a Lifetime movie.  You know as well as I do that so much more is involved, and it isn't always easy nor is it always hugs and kisses in the end.  Even if you have a first name who is to say that is was not an alias that the birthmother used in the maternity home she may have stayed in?  That is the problem I am having now.  It feels like I'm getting nowhere.  I'm not finding out any new information about my past from when I first started.  I had a terrible PI that turned out to be a real *****.  After telling me she'd take my case, she dropped it without letting me know.  I thought for over a year that she was still working on it.  Instead of being a real woman and telling me, she didn't say anything at all.  She thought I'd just take the hint I guess.  Whatever you do or however you decide to search I wish you the very best of luck.  I know how hard it can be and sometimes it feels like it's no use.  I think that all that time, but you can't give up.  You deserve to know who you are and your background just like any other person.  That should be our right.  Good luck with everything!

PS

Try looking up a search angel online.  They are free investigators that assist reuniting those involved in closed adoption.

I am also sorry to say that good old b*****d is not correct.   I don't mean to sound mean or anything.  It's just from my own personal experience with adoption I can tell you that you are not entitled to any money from your biological family member or any estate.  It's sad but true.  Unfortunately, when the woman signs the papers she is giving up ALL of her rights.  Sadly, this includes rights of inheritance or even rights of other family members even if they don't know.  When you are adopted, you take on every right or inheritance of your adoptive family as if you were theirs biologically.  They make us feel like we should just be grateful and forget about the other family that is a part of who we are.  Don't give up.

Answer 2

That's like a really good question(s). Ummm i am adopted also, and I know my birthmom birthdad little bros and little sisters names.But see, my birthparents wernt married when they had me, so they gave me up, then they split up and my mom married another man and together they had 3 kids (whom they kept) so i cant meet them until im like 18 yrs old. So.... and im only 13 right now. so yeah... ummm i havnt really looked for them bc i cant so,,, but yeah im really looking foward to seeing them on my 18th bday.

Hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 3

I am  an adoptee ISO birth family info, maybe not actual personal contact. Seems awfully awkward to me since I believe the only "real" parents are the ones who raised you.  But still, I'd really like to know the basics.

Have you read the publication "Seven Core Issues in Adoption Triad"?  I didn't until recently. It will blow your socks off. Here's a link to it:

http://www.adopting.org/silveroze/html/l...

Good luck in your search. Right now, I'm enjoying the potential possiblities too much... the real people can't possibly be as interesting.

PS - The State of Florida has a registry for adoptees & birth parents and will put both parties in contact if they both register. Perhaps your state's child welfare agency has one, too.

PPS - I haven't had the nerve to tell my dad about my search yet [Mom is deceased]; I do not think he's going to appreciate it or my curiosity one bit. Give your adoptive parents the aforementioned article; hopefully it will help them understand that your curiosity is not rejection of them.

Answer 4

well yeah your going to feel this way its natural thinking that some way this will fill the gap your longing for. but if you ask me unless there contacting you i wouldn't bother it i know its hard to understand but its either that or finding out everything and you may not like it at all.so for predicting the future  i will say "I'm sorry you had to find out this way". god bless you.

Answer 5

Fire Log for NH.

http://www.geocities.com/nhswna/fires.ht...

The archives are at the bottom.

Answer 6

You are encouraged to keep trying to find your birth parents if only to learn their health history for your future health and the health of your children and their children.  Your genetic history (DNA) will provide your doctors a great deal of vital information about your family health history going back generations.  So that genetic information is most important to you.  Also, your birth parents and their blood relatives have no better donors (bone marrow, kidneys, etc.) that is a better match than your and your blood family.  Now to your search, look on-line at the local newspapers in Lebanon, NH for references to your father or other relatives of his in births, deaths, marriage licenses, etc.  Also, search the NH State website on judicial courts for civil and criminal activity on any person you find in the newspapers who may be a relative of yours.  Many times they will list addresses or other names you can contact for the health history.  Remember, you are entitled to a share in the estate of your biological parents regardless of what others think today.

Answer 7

nope I know who my birth parents are last time I had contact with any one of them was in 2002 and that was the last time I talked to them. Plus with me now having a family of my own I don't want them knowing so I told my adoptive parents not to let them know where I am at

Answer 8

Wouldn't there be more info on public record at either the fire department or with the police/sheriff department?  Do you know what year it burnt down?

And, was there a "city directory" for that town when your biological family was living there?  If you know your father's name, then you could look him up in the city directory for tips too.  It's not the same as a phone book, fyi.  Cyndi's list website has more on that.

Oh, okay!  I'll come back and edit more as I process that new info and think up more ideas!

I'm still thinking that you will want to go read the public fire log for that city.  Other than that, I'm sure there are others with more search angel ideas.