Trouble in paradise.

Question

I've been dating this guy for two years. We're been engaged for 5 months now. He treats me really good most of the time. He takes me out to dinner, buys me nice jewlry, sends me the sweetest emails & text messages about marrying me and how he cannot wait to have kids. People have told me many things about him.

Some say he is a cheater, some tell me he did things I wouldn't like, some claim he talks behind my back. I can't see him doing any such thing as he is the definition of perfect whenever I'm with him or talking to him. Well about 4 months ago, this new girl, that he claims he doesn't talk to started working with him.

I went up there on his break today and her friends were following us around so I asked him why they were spying on him, he said he had no idea & that he wasn't guilty of anything. After I left his work I texted him saying I was going to ask the new girl why she was having her friend follow us and he got really mad at me.

He called me ridiculous and said that he didn't care if I asked her but that it was an ignorant thing to do all because I was going to ask the girl a a four worded question. Why was he doing that? Is he guilty or is he just mad that I want to invade his space with his co-workers? Someone help me understand please.

Answer 1

You sound distrustful. If the perception of spies following you around is so strong, that you accuse him of cheating, , , I think you need to tone it down a little bit. If any "hard evidence" of him cheating comes forth, then go from there. Don't go by what gossipers say. Don't ruin what could be a very good relationship.

Answer 2

Talk to him about your suspicions. This site is a good sounding board, but you should really be talking to him. Based on your talk, think about whether you want to continue the relationship or take a break for awhile. You want your fiancee or husband to be someone with whom you can share your concerns easily (and trust!). This strikes me as a communication problem and perhaps an issue of trust as well.

Answer 3

if you guys are engaged, and yet the trust you have for him is so low, i think you guys should talk about it or break if off for the better. trust is just as important as communication in a relationship.

Answer 4

I guess it could also mean he's upset that you don't trust him because asking her will also mean you don't believe in him.

Rather than asking other people you should ask him outright.

Don't trust what other people say and go with your gut feeling you've been with him for 2 yrs.

Do you feel that he's a cheater?

There's no point approaching the other girl if the guy accepts what she's offering.

If you live together check his phone and phone bill see if there's any suspicious calls.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like you trust him at all - with checking his phone etc.  If you completely trusted him you wouldn't feel the need to do that.

As for hearing all the bad things about him, do they come from a reliable source?  Do they have any proof to back it up?

If he got defensive about you asking his workmate, then maybe something's up - but then again if he was innocent he might be offended too...I guess you know him better than anyone after 2 years, go with your gut instinct.

Answer 6

Why are you checking up on him? If he is cheating on you it will come to light sooner or later. Checking up on him to much might just drive him away!  

Answer 7

I'd get away from that liar and also I'd make sure my self esteem and self respect is high enough to avoid such liars in the future!

Answer 8

You get dressed all hot and s**y. Make him lunch. Bring it...and then really bring it to him. Show these beeps that that's YOUR MAN! Stand ur ground...and let him be your beep and let him know..YOU ARE HERE...HEAR YOU ROAR...if he cheats....whatever...but do what I told you. If they follow you around do something that they see as intimate...play footsies...grab him casually...you know..the playfull stuff...it's hardball hunny. x0