Trouble with mum, need advice?

Question

I'm 17 in December and still living at home, me and mum have been disagreeing alot lately, i was engaged and was dumped at end of June and since then i have been so heartbroken and ended up sleeping around and smoking, mum is so disappointed (as id expect) but we just Cannot seem to work out anything lately as i believe i too protected and that's why i did this but now she just making it Even harder- help?! i don't wanna loose my relationship with mum but i do want to be able to have some independence

Answer 1

Dear ,

What you are doing to yourself, is not the solution ( the smoking stuff)

If you want to have a healthy life, make a pac with yourself that you are not going to go crazy just because of a guy, and you won't lose your mum over nothing, and then when you are sure about it and ready , go and talk to her, tell her how much you need her support in this, I bet she will be more than glad to help you out.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Maybe your mother is not disappointed with you, maybe she is very worried that you might do something silly and mess up your life. You are still quite young and of course she  is worried , you admit you have been foolish after your broken engagement , you must talk to your mother , tell her you made a mistake by smoking and sleeping around.  you really should try everything you can to get back a good healthy relationship with your mother. Your mother will always be there for you in the end.

Answer 3

i'm a Mum and I know it must be hard for you at the moment, I can imagine how down you must be! But as a mum I can see her side of things too. At 17 I know how I felt - I had moved out of home with my boyfriend at the time, lived with him for 18 months and was getting physically abused about once a week!  It was my choice to stay - but low self esteem can keep you there!  I think your sleeping around etc is to try and feel better about yourself - I'm guessing!  How about getting into some social sport - mixed netball, indoor soccer, any sport just to get you out of the rut your in, I think it will make you and your mum feel alot better about things!

Answer 4

Hello there,

NOTE: I am not professional, and this is just my opinion. Use my advice at your own discretion.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Must be hard for you, huh? Aww.

Well, I have a few suggestions, and take them as you will. Just remember, these are just some suggestions, and it is up to you to determine what is best under the circumstances, okay? All right, then...

1. Give a little, take a little.  You said that you want independence, but feel as if your mother does not approve and wants to keep you under her wing and this might come off as being over-protective, am I correct? Well, you can use the give a little, take a little approach. Make arrangements with your mum about compromising. For example, you do not smoke if your mom is a little bit more relaxed about controling your activites. That is just an example.

2. Communication.    Have you ever heard the phrase "Communication is key"? Well, that couldn't be closer the the truth. Talk with your mom about how you feel, and this maturity might cause her to reconsider treating you younger than you are.

3. Reconsider life.    Reconsider your own lifestyle. Are you happy? Could your mother be right? Where do you see yourself in 15-20 years? Do you have a current job with security? Are you taking higher education? What are you ambitions or goals? Now, look at it from your perspective... and then your mother's. Is there a reason she is acting over-protective? So just reconsider the circumstances here. It will help you understand the root of some of the relationship problems that you may have had/have/may have in the past/present/future.

4. Be the change you want to see happen.   If you want to make your mother a bit more "relaxed" about everything, try to relax yourself. Build a relationship with your mother...you have the power to! If you want to change bad habits (ie. smoking, etc.), you can! You just have to get motivated. Ask your mom for support, ask your friends and family...Use some resources (like the Internet can support various websites that can help you quit smoking, etc. etc.). Of course, if you don't want to change, that is a whole different matter.

5. Set goals.        Whether it be to build on your relationship with your mum, or to get a higher education (college, university, high school, etc.) or to grab your dream job. People who set their goals a little higher than their reach are those who succeed in life. I know you can do, and you should believe in yourself too! The next step would be to try and reach those dreams, of course! Talk to your mom about your goals too. Talk to your friends about them. Talk to the poeple around you...

So this is all the advice I have for you right now. This is just my personal opinion, again, and some suggestions. Take them as you will...It is up to you. It is YOUR life, and you should make the best of it. I wish you all the best, and I hope this helps a bit with your situation .Sorry if this post seemed in any way offensive or like a scolding; that is not its intention at all. Remember, you know what is best for YOUR life..Make your choices carefully..

Good luck! I hope this helps.

Answer 5

im too dealing with the same problem dear.

Answer 6

Stop sleeping around and smoking.  I'm sure your relationship with her will improve when she sees you being more responsible.

Being engaged at your age wasn't wise either.  You are still very young.  She is concerned about you because she doesn't want you to get hurt.