Trouble with my best friends boyfriend

Question

well my best friend has been dating this guy and she is completely in love with him. but right now they're having issues because he's confused about alot of things and doesnt really know what he wants anymore. they almost broke up but decided not to for right now

he used to flirt with me all the time but i told my friend about it and she talked to him and it's stopped since then. but even though he's a jerk when it comes to dating and relationships, he's still a friend of mine. so he calls me. i never call him. it's just weird to me to call ur best friends boyfriend to talk... idk. but he calls me alot now. like every day. and he'll start out saying that he cant get ahold of my friend but then he'll just start up a conversation.

my friend actually told me that she's worried because he told her that he calls me when he cant get ahold of her and talks to me about stuff and it makes him feel better. and she said that he talks about me all the time. but when i talk to him, he never talks about my friend.

i really think that i need to back off and leave him alone because i know it will only cause trouble but he is still my friend and i want to be there for him. i just dont like him like that and it's horrible to think that they could possibly break up because of me. idk what to do. any advice?

Answer 1

make it absolutely clear that you are not interested..

talk about the good things about your friend when he calls,

chances are, he'll remember all the good things too and back off.

Answer 2

Who is your friend here? The girl or the guy?  I think it's inappropriate for you to talk to this guy on the phone even though he's your friend.  Doesn't he have other guy friends he can talk to?  You're risking him 'falling for you' and ruining your friendship with your girlfriend.  Next time he calls you, I'd tell him you have done some thinking and you think it's inappropriate for you guys to be having such long conversations like this and you think it should stop.  Don't mention anything your friend said and don't say you shouldn't talk like this since you're dating my friend.  He might just break up with her so he can keep talking to you.  Either way, you don't want to be in the middle of it.  I'd step out as quickly and as quietly as you can.  

Answer 3

im sorta goin thru the same thing with my friend but instead my bf is flirtin with my friend.

deffinatly talk to ur friend about it and tell her wat he has been doin and talk ot him about it as well and let him know that u r not interested in him like that

if u dont want to talk to him then just keep a bit of a distance its cool that ur friends with hre bf but u may be flirtin back and not even realize it so next time he calls u say that u cant talk ur that u hav to go ur somethin like that (guys arent total idiots so im sure he'll take the hint)

or

wen he calls u bring it up to him then it may be a bit better for u to talk to him and see wats up (thats wat my friend did and it seemed to work) and let him know how u and ur friend feel about it

Answer 4

Friends come first. It's okay to be friends with her boyfriend, especially if you were friends before they started dating. Or even if you weren't, she's your best friend and it's natural that you start to like him, as a friend, because you hang out a lot. It doesn't sound to me like he likes you; just that he wants a friend. All I know about the situation is what you've written though. Maybe I'm completely wrong. Do you think he likes you? If you do, just stop answering the phone all the time, and try not to hang out with him as much. Your friend would be heartbroken if he left her for you, so you might have to stop the friendship with him in order to save the friendship with her.

Answer 5

It sounds like he's interested in you and is using his problems as an excuse to make contact with you. Your friend is thinking the same thing.  If it's true, you will have to make a choice.  

Do you want to keep your best friend?  If so, make it clear to this guy that his constant calling is confusing you and worrying her. Tell him you're glad to be his friend, but you aren't interested in anything more than that.  If he stops calling, then you will know what his real motive was.  But if he is only calling because he needs a friend to talk to, he won't be offended, and you can reassure your friend that there is nothing going on between you.

Are you interested in him?  If so, consider that you said "he's a jerk when it comes to dating and relationships," and that he may be quietly pursuing you behind your best friend's back.  That is the kind of person he is.  I don't think it would be worth losing your friend over him.  

Answer 6

The first thing that comes to my mind is that he's starting to like you. I wouldn't back off completely, I would just keep a little distance.