Trouble with stepson is tearing my family apart. Advice?

Question

My 13 year old stepson has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and the symptoms are stealing, hoarding food, compulsive lieing, incessant chatter, among other things. There is no cure but there is treatment - which we cannot afford and health insurance does not cover. He can't be left home alone or he gets into everything. We lock our food away, but sneaks the keys if we're not on him every second and eats anything and everything. It is virtually impossible for him to tell the truth. His father's idea of parenting is avoidance of the issue. This boy will not be ready for life, and I cannot stand the idea of dealing with this for the rest of my life. What are my alternatives. I have given consequences that I have stuck by, but these things just keep happening. I'm at my wit's end. I don't think he will ever be ready to hold a job or move out. Help me please.

Answer 1

you need to get him into counceling.  call medicade in your area and see if he qualifies for care.  maybe he is looking for attendtion.  a 13 year old should not be left home alone under these circumstances.  don't give the key to the house. if he has one change the locks.  

you have to get his father to see that he needs help.  take him to who ever made the diagnosis to explain things to him and maybe that will help him understand the seriouness of the problem.  hope this helps. good luck

Answer 2

Call your county MRDD and ask them what help he would qualify for. They often have programs for problems of this sort. Disruptive is one thing; but, if this boy becomes violent, all bets are off, and either he goes, or you go.

Answer 3

RAD is serious, my heart goes out to you.  If left untreated this could get much worse, and could even include him harming himself or you and your husband.  Getting him help is really important.  Maybe you could talk to someone at your county social services and see what types of services are available to him and to you and your husband to help you through this.

As for the stealing and hoarding of food, that might be an anxiety condition.  I'm going to assume that this boy was adopted when he was a little older?  (RAD is most common in adopted kids.) Maybe he was hungry at some point?  Anxiety disorders are easy to treat and there are some very good medications for them.

The rest of the misbehaviors require that you AND your husband both participate in helping this boy shape his behavior.  Start by taking everything away, everything, and letting him earn things back one at a time.  And as for him stealing the key to the food, you'll need to always have the key with you, or find a much better place for it to be hidden.

How does he do in school?  Are there certain systems set up for him there that help him control his behavior?  Find out what those are and set up some of the same systems at home.

Hang in there with him, and Good luck!

Answer 4

I have met this sort of situation before,here is the resource I found helpful.http://health-insurance.tips4free.info/h...

Answer 5

You really need to get him in to a Dr. and some counseling. This is the only way you can possible help get this child to the point in which he will be able to lead a productive life. If you look around in your area possibly the is a free clinic or one that charges based on income. Please don't just give up on him, so many are children are lost these days because parents can't control or won't deal with their problems and we are going to end up with a society of thrown away children