Trouble with the maid, what should I do?

Question

I am engaged to get married to a Mr J.L.B. Matekoni, proprietor of Tlokweng Road Speedy Motors, a successful businessman in his mid-forties. I have my own business as well, and we both have houses. We had to decide where we'd live, and I went to his. I have not been there before, dreading a bachelor pad with the calendars of good time girl splashed all around on the walls. The yard was a mess, with the dustbin overturned. The house was not bad, the living room pleasing. The spare bedroom was empty, with an engine in the centre and spare parts to it littered all over. The bathroom clean enough. The dining room was dirty, with piles of dust all over. The other rooms littered with boxes and what nots. There is a maid, who is supposed to cook and clean. Yet the house is neglected, she cooks only maizemeal and stew, yet asks a lot of money for kitchen supplies. When I came to talk to the maid, she insulted me and verbally abused me. I already decided to keep my own maid. Yet before I saw her we agreed to recommend her to Mr Matekoni's cousin, who keeps a hotel. There are a lot of unemployed people here, and we would not like the maid to suffer because of our marriage. Now I am hesitant, because this maid is both dishonest and lazy. We can't saddle someone with a worker like her, yet I'd like Mr Matekoni to keep a positive image. What should I do?

Answer 1

First, why would you name him? Almost sounded like a story to me. But, i'll answer it like it's real, though i have my doubts.

Why is it that you are engaged and only now learning about how this man lives? Make sure your engagment lasts awhile to make sure this is a relationship that can last. Second... what did your fiancee do when you told him his maid verbally attacked you? Are you really going to be happy with a man who can't even keep a maid in line? Can't even protect you from that maid? Personally, i couldn't tolerate such a thing. She's an employee, not his family member. If it was his mother, i'd have a different take on it.

Why would YOU agree to give her a recommendation? As far as you listed, she has never worked for you. You do not live at the home where she's employed. So this isn't about you. If he wants to give her a recommendation, stay out of it. That's about him and his cousin. Your name should be no where near this recommendation since you have no clue as to how she has been in the past.

She may not be allowed to clean more than she does. You may be stepping into a man who likes to keep a home in disorder. Clearly the engine in the spare room would be like an anvil on the head in discovery??

Before you two live together, and i believe you should before the marriage. Before that happens you better lay down ground rules. There will be no motor parts allowed INSIDE the house. Unless you don't mind that kind of life. Garages are great places for an engine or motor parts. That the yard will have to be taken care of and a maid will have to keep the home very clean.

Since you are engaged, it does not mean you are apart of every aspect of his life. Even married doesn't mean that. It is not a collective WE in areas where you were not before hand. The only reason you would have anything to do with a recommendation would be if you ever employed her yourself, personally. No other reason. Learn when to involve yourself and when not too. That is a great key to a successful marriage. Running around and involving yourself everywhere will make neither of you happy. Don't write the recommendation either. That is up to him and him only. State that you would feel uncomfortable being apart of this since you have never employed this woman. End of story. Let him do whatever he wants with his recommendation. If his cousin gets mad later.... that's between him and his cousin only. You get to stay out of it.

And I'm certain if she wants to keep her job, she'll work harder for her new employer, or she'll get fired. Which will have nothing to do with you either.

I am not trying to sound mean, just realistic. Too many people get involved in every little thing that has nothing to do with them. Thinking somehow it is their duty when it's really not. If your husband got in a fight with an employee at his company, it would not be your business to go in and fire or scold the person. It would be no different if the roles were reversed.  

Answer 2

This is quite a mystery. If only there were some kind of ladies' detective agency that could do some investigating...

Answer 3

     Have a very serious talk to him about this maid.  Don't approach her yourself, just tell him that she verbally abused you and insulted you and that you know her to be dishonest and lazy.  I think that's all you can do.

Hope this helps,

Mike B