Troubles with BoyF's mom. Need another point of view (long read)?

Question

First of all my boyfriends mom is the joke around type, sometimes she makes fun of me (not in a bad way) but you know takes little jabs and sometimes I make a comeback if i''m not too scared cuz its my boyfriends mom and all. But it still kinda bugs me how she's kinda off limits for that fact so she can tease me for free. Well unless I wanna make a real comeback and start actual tension.

There is this hand gesture I do to my boyfriend that basically means "you're gonna get it Mr" when he miss behaves, its a joke. She thinks its the cutest thing ever and laughs every time I do it. Even when I do it to my BF's sister.

So last night we were kicking back out side. My Bf's mom and sister, he was asleep. We had two chairs, I offered her mine but she declined. Then my BF came out and was carrying a bench so they could all sit, in the mean while the mom said "it's ok I will just take jess' (my name) chair from her if i really wanted to sit... I got kinda tiffed that she took another jab but I couldn't tell her back cuz that would be disrespectful. I didn't like the way it made me feel so I thought I had to do something. So I did that 'you're gonna get it Mr.' hand gesture... it bothered her and she told me 'ho no dont you ever do that to me' i laughed it off and said ok to make light of the situation cuz I didn't wanna feel worse than I already did. So she repeatedly said 'no don't ever do that to me again' a few more times. I kept chuckling and said 'no no i was flexing my wrist hurts' making a joking excuse.. she kept saying no dont do it. Then it kinda fizzled off..

My BF didn't hear cuz he was getting the bench still.

I felt completely helpless. I don't want her taking jabs at me and shes not the type that will sit down and talk about it with me so that isnt an option. I just don't understand she thinks its cute and funny when I do that hand gesture to her son and daughter and even tells me to go ahead and do it when they are being bad (is still all a joke) but when I did it to her cuz she took a job at me she tok it as in insult??

It really really bothered me, I didnt like the way I felt. I felt as if I insulted her to some great matter, but it was all in fun. I felt like really giving her a piece of my mind right then and there but it would only cause problems and I love her to death shes real nice except she takes jabs at me and says shes just kidding, in a manor in which she makes me feel like I should be tougher.

So should I make a deal out of it cuz I can't stop thinking about it. I don't want my BF to get wind of it from her and take it the wrong way. I don't like the fact that I disrespected her or even if i didnt. I still dont like the fact that she herself thinks I did.

I kinda don't want to face her for a while I know she wont make anymore out of it, cuz we continued to have a good night with jokes and convos. But I just dont like the way she kinda contradicted herself and kinda scolded me while I was unable to defend myself.

Anywho I'm probably making more than needed out of this...

so if you could... give me any kind of input to this matter..

Answer 1

You weren't wrong in feeling the way you do but maybe you should back off with the joking around and see what happens.  She is trying to fit in with the younger set and still be in control.  It doesn't work like that.  She needs to be able to take it as well as give it if she wants to hang.  Making you feel uncomfortable is her main objective and she is achieving it.  Back off and see what happens.  I bet you she makes the first move to find out what is going on with you, then you can tell her.  Good Luck

Answer 2

I understand where your coming from. My now husbands mother thought I was taking away her only son. She would make jokes about me not being smart enough, pretty enough, or positive enough for her son. It got me down deep. I would always just sit back and take it, then she made a statement at our practice wedding. She said that if he wanted to get out of it it wasn't too late. Finally I had enough. I made her, my husband, and me  go into a room and I told her enough was enough. That she would either stop or I would make it easy and leave both of them alone. For the first time my husband really understood that it hurt me. Then he stepped in and defended me. She of course got upset, but she stopped. We have been married for 6 years. She keeps her distance from me but she's not rude anymore. I would recommend that you confront her with your boyfriend there.