Trust grandma with kids?

Question

My brother in law lived with my husband and I for a few months. One night he told me that i should not trust my daughter with her. That when he was a kid he was always very hyper and when he would throw a tantrum his mother would tie him down to a chair with a belt and put her hand on his head and scream devil come out. My husband said that it did happen but his brother was always out of control. He acts like it was okay. I dont feel safe letting them take our kids for a weekend or leaving them with them at all. When my daughter was 9 months old we went to visit them and took my husbands sisters to a movie and left her with his paretns and she just put her in a crib to cry. I felt that it was horrible because she does not see them but a couple times a year and was probably scared. They want to have the kids stay at there house more often and think that it is not fair that my parents get them but that they dont. My kids are only 3 and 1 way to young to tell me what is going on.

Answer 1

trust your own gut feeling. if they have a bad history with little children like you described its probably a better bet to not let history repeat itself. everyone is different but above all, always trust your gut, it never leads me the wrong way.

Answer 2

Just because they are "grandparents" does not qualify them for equal visitation rights..

I could and did trust my mother with my children all day everyday at her or my whim. She was the best grandmother ever! ! !  A kind of grandmother anyone would hand pick for their children. A dream, a charm, need I or can I say any more. . . .

But my husbands mom or dad. . . . I won't even trust them in the next room with my kids. It is a real wonder my husband turned into the great man that he is today. . . by No credit to them that's for sure.  

I would make her visits with the kids "supervised visits only.

Being a grandmother does not make her "grandmotherly"

Answer 3

If you had issues the first time then don;t.

Answer 4

If you feel uncomfortable leaving the kids with your in-laws, the simple solution is : Don't.

You could try going over with everyone how you expect the children to be handled, of course, but if you still find yourself getting worried over it, don't leave the children alone with them.

Find things to do together, so that they get to see the children sometimes, and so you can still keep an eye on things, or, if need be, take over the care aspects yourself.  At their current ages, this might be the best solution for the children, and it should give you peace of mind.

Answer 5

I would be a little worried too with behavior like that; if you feel like you have to worry....trust your instincts. they're your kids && if you don't feel comfortable with something, that's YOUR choice, and there's nothing wrong with that if you don't.

as for the spanking, he had no right to do that without your consent; maybe not "horrible" but definitely disrespectful and wrong.

good luck figuring everything out =).

Answer 6

Hmm... the question to be asked is.. "lets say she's not your Mother in law" ok... Would you leave your child with a mother/lady/person who has previously tied their child to a chair and screamed "DEVIL COME OUT" Or placed a child in a crib for a few hours to cry it out? Especially when they rarely see the child? ANd its their grandchild? HMM I Know i wouldn't.. and man i thought the reasons why i dont leave my daughter with my INlaws were enough.. and they just let my child get away with blue murder and feed her junk... and ignore me and my rules for her.. But hey if they did anything like that.. i am sure they'ld rarely see my child.. and if they did it would be with full supervision.. let them be upset.. your doing the right thing.. i wouldn't want my child to have problems when they grow up... and these are their vital years.. you dont want them to be scared for life do you? And they might come out like your husband and say.. "Oh but she only did it because of this" Acting like it was the right thing to do... geesh.. *sighs*

AS for your bil spanking your daughter.. well lets say if that was my bil... he would have been in c**p then and there.. the onyl person who smacks my daughters are me... I was at my mil the other day and my husbands fathers sister was there and she thought she had the right to disapline my daughter.. well someone who's only seen my daughter 3/4 times since she has been born has no say in anything my daughter is doing let alone disapline.!!! Yes thats Horrible! your the childs mother.. if someone has a problem with something your daughter is doing then they confront you.. not spank your child.. My MIL Yelled at my 2 yr old the other day.. and that got under my skin.. No need to yell at her the way she did>> Sighs..Children are innocent.. fragile creatures they take everythign in..this is their learning phase.. expose your child to the things you want them to learn and you think is right not the opposite